


Heavy In Your Arms

by Reyire



Category: Thor (2011)
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2017-11-13 11:35:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 65,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/503100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reyire/pseuds/Reyire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pre-movie - Thor & Loki's relationship leads to something unexpected - a child. Loki wants to raise it; Thor knows it's impossible. What exactly will this lead to? Rated 'Explicit' for later chapters. MPREG/Slash, don't like, don't read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've already posted this story on fanfiction.net; but for the people who don't read anything there anymore, I decided to post here as well. I'm a little too lazy to post it all in one go, but I'll attempt to post multiple chapters when I do update. And a few notes first: This fic contains MPREG! Which, if you know a bit about Norse mythology involving Loki, is not out of place. 
> 
> In the context of the story though, due to the absence of any female frost giants/jotuns in the movie "Thor", it was theorized that there are only male frost giants, therefore they have the ability to reproduce. This begins way before the movie Thor, and is completely AU from "The Avengers", that being so, neither Loki nor Thor know that the result of their relationship is going to produce a child. Currently they still believe they are blood brothers but are pursuing a relationship anyway. Their close friends know about it, but it is generally a secret. The character 'Eir' was created so they had someone to go to. She is supposedly the goddess associated with medical skill. 
> 
> Feel free to review with questions and I will answer them when I update. I currently am without internet so I apologize if the updates are sporadic. This was originally a roleplay. Half-credit for everything to do with this fic goes to my former roleplay partner.

_**Heavy In Your Arms** _

_Chapter One_

 

Certainly, Loki had to have been saying something. He and Thor had clearly been talking about something, clearly. They'd been sitting on the steps in the large, golden room for quite some time now, but the subject manner instantly left his head as an intense wave of nausea came over him so quickly that he reached out and grabbed his brother's arm to keep himself steady even in his seated position. "I need a goblet," he said in a somewhat urgent tone, feeling his face go pale, before adding rather ineloquently, "or something."

Detaching his arm temporarily, Thor quickly ran to grab a thankfully empty bowl from the table at the top of the stairs and gave it to his brother before taking a seat by him again. He rested his hands on Loki's shoulders reassuringly. "You don't get sick very often," the blonde said quietly. The younger man had seemed really ill lately and it was starting to worry him.

Taking the bowl gratefully, Loki was hoping to respond before losing his stomach but found he didn't have the time before he was emptying what little food he'd had this morning into the bowl. He took momentary comfort in Thor's touch to his shoulders as he heaved, just wishing it would end because even though it was a relief for his poor churning stomach, it certainly did nothing to help his headache. When he was finally finished, he was hoping to say something remotely intelligent to his older brother but could only manage a tired, "Nngghuh..."

"Do you need to lie down?" Thor asked, brushing a few strands of hair out of Loki's face. He really was unsure about what could be causing his brother to become so sick almost every day. He felt so helpless, unable to do much of anything but sit and watch the dark-haired man's already pale skin turn to almost pure white as he fell more ill.

Loki shook his head and waved his hand dismissively, setting the bowl distastefully next to him and making a repulsed face. "No, I'm fine. I swear. And don't you dare pick me up and make me lie down like you did yesterday because that was extremely out of line."

Making a small smile at that, he moved his hand so it was resting in the small of his brother's back. "I just care about you, Loki. You needed to rest, you were pushing yourself too much." Thor protested with an excuse.

"You don't get to decide that, dear brother," Loki said slyly and poked Thor's nose, uneasily rising to his feet and closing his eyes for a moment to keep from feeling dizzy again. Finally he held his arms out as if in victory. "See? I'm perfectly fine." A few moments later he looked around and murmured, "And hungry..."

"How, may I ask, can you be hungry after that?" Thor said, incredulously, standing as well, worried the younger man might lose his balance. He didn't trust his brother when it came to his health. He knew Loki would rather suffer in silence most of the time.

"I don't know, honestly," he said, making a contemplative face before the urge overtook him again. "...but I physically need a honeyed pheasant. Does Volstaag keep them lying about the castle?" When Loki saw the incredulous look Thor was giving him, he asked blankly, "You're thinking I should see Eir, aren't you?"

"I've thought you should have gone to see her days ago." The blonde replied dryly. Loki's food cravings were getting more and more ridiculous as time went by as well. Thor shook his head. "Do you want me to come with?" He didn't voice the thought in the back of his mind that this might be something very bad; to think that was morbid and he decided to push it aside.

Cocking his head in confusion, Loki moved closer to Thor and let his hand rest on the back of the blonde's neck. "I almost can't believe this but - are you honestly more worried than I am?" This was a rare occurrence - although, admittedly, it only happened when in regards to Loki himself. He continued in an even, soothing tone, "Brother, really. I'll be fine...as long as you get me the honeyed pheasant," he finished in the same tone with a pleading smile.

Laughing quietly, Thor's expression grew soft. Loki really could easily talk people into doing what he wanted them to do. "I'm your older brother, it's my job to worry." He gave the dark-haired man a tight hug before striding off in search of the strange request.

 

**\--**

Loki was still in shock from the meeting with Eir, so much so that he couldn't even dampen his facial expression as he headed to tell Thor. He was almost tempted to not tell him, to keep it a secret and somehow figure out how to hide this forever, but he knew he wouldn't be able to despite his talent with mischief and lies. He couldn't do this alone especially since he could barely believe it himself. Rubbing his hand on his forehead and taking deep breaths, Loki pushed open his brother's bedroom door, not even bothering to knock, and let it close shut behind him as he stood in the entryway.

Thor looked up when the door opened, surprised to see Loki standing there. Something was wrong, something was very very wrong. "What happened?" he demanded immediately, his voice staying calm and even regardless.

Looking up to meet Thor's eyes, Loki felt himself actually choking on his words, something that happened next to never. "I..." he shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, slowly approaching his brother and trying to keep his composure even remotely although it was failing him the more reality was sinking in.

Standing, Thor also walked towards Loki but didn't touch him, nervous and unsure what was going on. A horrible icy feeling washed over him completely. The illness wasn't something normal, he had known it. His brother should have gone to see Eir way before today. "Loki, please." He begged. "Tell me."

"Um," Loki began, sinking into himself slightly and trying to take comfort in Thor's close proximity. He reached out to press a shaking hand over his brother's heart, staring at his fingers as they splayed out, wondering how he could possibly say what Eir told him aloud. It seemed so absurd, but she was right - she had proved to him that she was right, just before he had sworn her to secrecy. "You - you remember those nights?" Loki finally managed, although his voice was tight in his throat and he could barely speak, "When we..."

"Of course I do." The blonde said hurriedly. "How could I forget?" He put his own hand over his brother's, trying to imagine what had shaken Loki so much, but he could come up with nothing but empty theories. This frightened him as well, as much as he didn't want to admit it.

"Well, that's just the thing," Loki breathed, trying so hard to force the words out but found they were stuck and all that would come out were a few choked sounds. He raised his gaze to Thor's, searching them and praying that those eyes could read his own, his hand shifting on his brother's chest to entwine with the fingers over his.

"I'm .. I mean, I don't understand .." Thor admitted, trying to sort out what the fear in his brother's eyes meant but he couldn't see why what they'd done together would make Loki so ill. He squeezed the younger man's hand tightly. "Did I do something to you?" He said the question before he really had time to think it over, but it turned his own stomach slightly to think that he might have caused it.

Immediately, Loki shook his head. "No, it's not...it's not something you did, it's something we..." he stopped himself and closed his eyes again because this wasn't like him and wasn't getting them anywhere. He had to compose himself long enough to get it out, to make it the truth and let Thor know it was real. Then he could have any reaction he wanted. But he had to do this for both of their sakes. "Don't be terrified when I tell you this, the way I was when Eir told me," he said in a low and mostly smooth tone despite a few wavers, "but I'm - " Loki moved their interlocked hands from Thor's chest to his own abdomen, saying more nervously than he'd have liked, "with child."

For a moment, truthfully, Thor's mind went completely and utterly blank. This was not possible. Not at all. His fingers trembled slightly where he touched Loki's stomach. His emotions returned, torn in a thousand different directions. How could he have done this to his own brother? The younger man was terrified by this apparent fact, because Eir was never wrong about this sort of thing. He was still having trouble even wrapping his mind around knowing that Loki was carrying his child; but as he began to recover slightly, his first reaction wasn't even about this .. miracle or disaster depending upon how you looked at it .. it was about his brother. "Loki .. are you okay, though? Are you going to be okay?" He had to know that before he could move on.

Having said it himself, Loki felt his body start shaking with the reality and knowing Thor would be able to feel it, so despite the fact that he wanted to set his jaw and lie through his teeth because he hated being this vulnerable to anyone, even his brother, he knew it would be worthless. "I don't know," he said in a voice that was barely there. "I really don't know."

If anything could ever break his heart, that was something that did. Knowing that he had done something to hurt Loki pained him more than he thought possible but he had to keep it together. At the very least he could be there for his brother. He kept his hand pressed where it was, looking down at it as he spoke. "If there's anything I can do to help, I'll do it for you. Just tell me what you need." His voice cut off slightly at the end. He could offer that much. It completely eluded him on what else could be done to solve the problem.

Loki closed his eyes and let out a breath, his head a whirlwind of confusing thoughts that were moving faster than he could express outwardly. He could barely make sense of them in his head especially as he felt his frame shake slightly more with the mental overload, and the younger brother just let his subconscious speak because it was the only thing that knew what he really wanted amidst his cluttered thinking, "...please just kiss me."

Thor didn't waste time pulling his brother close and kissing him. He pressed his eyes shut tightly, his head still spinning at what had just been revealed. It occurred to him that he had no clue how anyone else would react to this but at the moment his only concern was Loki. Though, even at that he felt kind of helpless.

There was a strange sort of comfort at his brother's lips on his, the kiss genuine but gentle although the hold on Loki was firm and protective. It was a combination that he'd always had a weakness for and knew would always. Loki's feelings for Thor were difficult only when others were brought into the picture, but when it was just the two of them, it was raw and bare and exactly what he needed at this moment to settle the shock, at least to a manageable extent. He threaded his hands through the light locks and kissed him even more passionately.

It had been a very long time since Thor even thought about the fact that he was in love with his brother and that that was supposed to be wrong. It was all too evident though to him now, even as he kissed Loki back just as hard. It still didn't bother him; all he knew was that he loved the younger man and wanted to be with him regardless of what was 'right' or 'wrong' ... but he did feel guilt well up inside him at this. How was he supposed to know it was even possible? Yet still, he did blame himself for the trouble they were facing together now.

Reluctantly pulling away from the kiss, having helped his thoughts settle into a tangible line, Loki breathed against Thor's lips as if reading the emotions on the older brother's face, their noses pressed gingerly together, "This isn't your fault. It was a choice we made together...of course we couldn't see the consequences. We didn't know. But this is just as much mine as it is yours."

Thor let out a soft sigh. His brother's reassurances were touching, but he couldn't wholly believe them. He left another light kiss on the dark-haired man's lips and gave him a weak smile. "We'll both get through this somehow." He answered, again brushing back a little of Loki's hair.

"I know, Brother," Loki breathed, subconsciously leaning into the touch. "And I need you," he admitted almost hesitantly. They weren't words he spoke often. Or ever, really. But they were true now all the same - this situation had obviously never applied before.

There was an audible noise when Thor's breath stopped for a moment. He drew another in sharply, holding Loki against him. "I need you too."

**\--**

Loki dispelled a breath of tension to ease his way from silence, shifting beneath his covers to rest his head on Thor's shoulder just before the crook of his neck, arm draped lazily around his brother. Nothing had happened really, but wordlessly they knew that they both needed to just feel each other's skin and stay near, to give them both any hope of processing this because their daily charades had done them no good besides simply letting it sink in further. "Thank you for coming," he murmured in a tone that was somewhat exhausted with the knowledge he'd been keeping in his daily life.

"Like I would stay away," Thor murmured, his arm around his brother's back as they lie together. Both himself and Loki had things to do and appearances to keep up with the people they spent time with; and this secret ate away at them, unspoken most of the time. But they had to eventually do something, come to some sort of conclusion. He sighed gently.

A small laugh made its way past Loki's closed lips, letting his eyes fall shut and shifting the position of his face to rest the bridge of his nose against Thor's neck. The position was indeed strangely comforting to him, to the point where he almost didn't want to speak, but the words had repeated themselves so much in his head they were already making their way to the roof of his mouth, sticking there until he finally parted his lips and they came spilling off in a breath, "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know." It was an automatic reply, really. Thor knew they couldn't actually keep the child, even though the thought intrigued him a bit more than it should have. It would have been something Loki and himself had created together, something special even. He closed his eyes tightly for a moment, attempting to force the thoughts from his mind now. There was no reason to think that way, no reason to get attached. "No, Loki. I think we both know. We're going to have to keep it a secret and then give it away .. and then go back to how things were I guess." He frowned.

There was a moment where Loki was as still as he was quiet, although for what reason, he was completely unsure. Nevertheless he nodded and raised his head from Thor's neck, shifting into a better sitting position. "You're right," he said in a serious tone before adding teasingly, "how often does that happen?"

Shifting a little as well, Thor smiled at his brother. "Hey, I'm right more often than not," he insisted. His expression faded to an almost sad one as he gently placed his hand over Loki's bare stomach again. He still really couldn't believe it, but Eir was never wrong. There was still no real clue to him on how this had even occurred, just that it did and they had to deal with it now.

The gentle touch of those calloused fingers to his bare stomach made Loki gasp quietly, his frame giving a slight shudder as he tensed for a brief moment before allowing himself to relax. It was still so fresh to him, that having Thor acknowledge the situation truthfully with that simple touch rapidly made it even more real.

There was a short moment of silence before Thor spoke, not looking up at at the dark-haired man any longer. "You _can_ talk to me if you need to." he offered, knowing if he bothered Loki too much about it, he might just shut himself up tighter instead. But there had to be more to be said, there had to be more things running through the younger man's mind.

"I know," Loki breathed, not looking at his brother but rather the hand that was still on his abdomen, hesitantly covering said hand with his own and clearing his throat. "But I probably won't. If you want me to be honest. Be thankful you even get such a privilege," he added as if trying to lighten the mood but failed at selling it, so the situation simply became more awkward. He shook his head. "Sorry," the younger brother murmured. "This is all too strange to me."

"I assure you," Thor said, attempting to recover a little of the humor his brother tried to inject in the conversation. "This isn't very normal for me either." He moved his hand away to push lightly on Loki's face and kissed him softly. It was typical of the dark-haired man to want to sort out things on his own. He was almost used to it at this point but that didn't stop him from offering.

Loki accepted the kiss graciously, letting it soothe him and help him get his mental bearings. As much as he denied needing any sort of protecting, knowing that Thor would always offer was touching if not irritating on the days when the younger attempted to be fiercely independent. Today was certainly not one of those days. He let himself lie back against his bed, momentarily refusing to break the kiss, his hand resting gingerly on the back of his older brother's neck. Eventually, he pulled away and murmured, "I _hate_ it when you do that. It makes me feel like agreeing to anything."

Thor laughed softly. "Then my plans work on you, don't they?" He ran his fingertips along his brother's face and then cradled it gently, leaving another soft kiss. "You should talk to me." His voice was low, his lips still close to Loki's.

Letting out a purposefully overdramatic protesting noise, Loki squirmed slightly beneath Thor, nipping slightly at the lower lip that was still so close to his own. "I said it makes me _feel like_ agreeing to anything," the younger teased, enjoying some semblance of lighthearted conversation. Searching Thor's genuine eyes, though, the ones that could never lie about how they were feeling, Loki felt himself give in with a sigh. "...I'm terrified, Brother."

Looking back into Loki's green eyes and seeing the true fear there tore the blonde up inside. Guilt still gnawed at him somewhat even though his brother had reassured him multiple times that it wasn't solely his fault. "Would it surprise you to know that I am too?" Thor admitted, his voice barely above a whisper at that confession. He wasn't sure what was going to happen to Loki, after all or how this all worked. It obviously couldn't be exactly the same.

Swallowing and then letting out the barest breath of a mostly humorless laugh, Loki nodded slightly and murmured, "A little bit, I suppose. But not completely." He reached up to tuck a lock of his brother's blonde hair behind his ear. "Most fathers-to-be work themselves into a stupor when they find out." The words tasted strange on his tongue, especially when relating them to describe Thor. 'Father-to-be.' Which the man above him was now, even if they knew it wouldn't stay that way for long.

Those words filled him with a warm feeling he didn't quite understand; but Thor grasped the fact that he couldn't let himself care for this child that wouldn't truly be his in the end. There was no description for what he felt when he thought of what the future could be like. If Loki and himself could leave and actually have a family away from everyone. But that was impossible for both of them. For so many reasons. He needed to instead focus on protecting his brother above everything else. "That's true," he murmured in response to the dark-haired man's statement, his mind still elsewhere. "Loki .. maybe we should talk to Eir again .. about you. About what's going to happen .."

Loki tensed immediately at the thought. "No," he murmured, sitting up slightly on his elbow and holding up the finger of his opposite hand to Thor to describe how much the idea of even thinking about that now uneased him, "no, no no no. No."

"I know, I know," Thor immediately said, his tone soothing. He had half been expecting that sort of reaction. "But we don't know what's going to happen and I don't .. I mean .. I can't let anything happen to you .. if I can prevent it." He knew he was probably starting to annoy Loki with his over-protectiveness, but this wasn't exactly a common problem.

"Thor..." the younger brother warned. "I can - I can take care of that myself. Believe me. I have time to figure out how that's going to happen." Loki made a face and dropped his gaze to his abdomen. "I'm still trying to grasp the abstract concept that there's anything even growing inside of me, let alone how I'm supposed to get it out."

Thor sighed in frustration and shook his head. "You have to go sometime. Even if I have to drag you there myself." He smiled a little at the end to show he was kidding, and hoped Loki couldn't tell that he wasn't entirely joking.

"Ha-ha," Loki began and stole another quick kiss before saying, "and don't think I don't know you actually would. But there's no way you could drag me kicking and screaming without injuring the baby - " He stopped immediately, having spoken before he could really think to choose his words. _'The baby.'_

There was a silence where Thor was almost positive neither of them were breathing as their eyes met. "I wouldn't do that," he began. ".. but this may be harder than we thought." He again looked at Loki's stomach. It still looked the same as always really, not even much different. It was hard to even imagine a child was in there, but there was. _His and Loki's child_. He felt like he was choking on his breath again.

Staring forward and setting his jaw to not let his emotions come to the surface although he was sure they were in his eyes, eventually Loki managed a soft, "Yes. Yes, you're right. It is. And it's going to stay that way." Hesitantly, Loki reached up to take Thor's face in his hands. "But you have to promise me you'll stand by your word. I can keep it hidden and go through with this...as long as you do the same. Can you?"

"I will, I promise." Thor said reassuringly. Really, who would believe him if he did tell them and beyond that even if they did believe him, what would they think? He leaned down to kiss Loki gently, trying to comfort his brother.

Loki hummed into Thor's lips, resting his hand gently on his brother's chest and murmuring into the kiss, "Good, because I'm counting on you for this." Honestly, it was just one thing. One thing - it would be difficult but certainly Thor could manage to keep one thing a secret.

 

\--

 

Thor paced back and forth in the hall he was usually in with his friends but it was empty right now. Loki had finally gone to see Eir but he wanted to go alone. The blonde was impatient to find out what Eir had to say in the end but his brother hadn't actually been gone that long. He was distracted enough to not pay attention to footsteps coming towards him.

As Sif approached Thor, she crossed her arms and studied him carefully. He had been incredibly on edge lately, which wasn't like him, especially around Loki. Of course, Loki and Thor being seen together wasn't exactly an oddity by any means, but the air between them made her worried - and also, she'd admit it, downright curious. Seeing her friend like this was just terribly strange to her, he didn't even notice her approaching. "Thor...?" she finally tried when she was in close earshot.

Turning when he heard his name, Thor saw Sif standing nearby. He tried to compose his expression. "Sif, when did you get here?" He managed to smile. "I'm sorry, I was thinking about something and was somewhat distracted ..."

Narrowing her eyes and surveying her friend again, Sif reached out and touched her hand to Thor's forehead as if checking for an abnormal temperature. "Thor, really, are you feeling alright? You're worrying us lately. Something is wrong," it wasn't a question.

Thor stepped back, 'I'm fine' almost immediately making it's way out of his mouth before he paused and shook his head. Sinking down to sit on the steps in the room, he said nothing. Yes, he had promised Loki to not say anything, but trying to lie to Sif was almost pointless. She'd know.

Sif slowly let her hand fall to her side as she watched Thor back away from her and sit down silently. _Silently_. Her worry lost it's teasing tone and turned fully legitimate despite having already been bothering her immensely. She carefully moved to sit next to him, tucking her dress beneath her and resting her hands comfortingly on Thor's shoulders. "It's just me. If there is something truly wrong, you shouldn't keep it inside. It does you no good there and it terrifies the rest of us."

"This .." Thor began but dropped off. It took a moment for him to pick it back up but he still couldn't find words. "This isn't something I can just tell you, Sif, or I would. You know I would." He didn't meet her eyes at all.

"But why?" She felt urgent but managed to keep her tone soothing. "Why the secrecy? Is something dangerous happening to you?" Sif's mind searched for so many possibilities of whatever it could be that was so intense that Thor couldn't even tell her, and she didn't like any of the results that her brain came up with. Against her better judgment she asked quietly, "Did Loki put you up to this?"

"I can't talk about it." Thor quickly reiterated, realizing his fast answer probably gave it away. "Really, you don't want to know this. And I don't even know what you'd think if you did know. It's better this way."

"Valhalla, it _is_ Loki," Sif said tensely, forcing Thor to look at her and keeping her hand at his face to enforce his gaze not to stray. "What's he doing? And how is it you get to decide if it's better if the people most loyal to and caring of you get to know or not?"

"It's not his fault, if anything it's my fault." Thor mumbled at first. He knew he had promised Loki to say nothing but .. this was Sif, it wasn't just anyone. " **If** I tell you, you can literally not tell anyone, anyone at all, okay? I'm _serious_." He gazed back intensely into her eyes.

For a moment Sif wasn't sure how to respond to such a grave request - Thor was deadly serious and apparently dead set against any type of blame. This wasn't a side she'd ever seen and she needed to know both for her own sanity and for what appeared to be Thor's sanity as well. "Of course," she said honorably accompanied with a warrior's nod. "No one will know, I promise you."

"Loki isn't here because he's seeing Eir." Thor said, unsure how to even remotely complete what he wanted to tell her. He opted for as few words as possible, gritting his teeth as he said the last part. "He's having a .. a child."

There was a small silence as Sif tried to first process the words and then figure out how the heck Loki had managed to have yet another affair when she had seen him with Thor almost constantly. For a moment, she wondered why her friend would even be upset about this before it clicked. "Oh..." it came off of her lips quietly, more awkward silence hanging in the air before she managed, "who...who's the mother then? Do you just secretly want to bash her head in?"

Shaking his head, Thor again tried to find words for what he wanted to say, especially at her incorrect assumption. "There is no mother." he murmured, not even knowing if she'd understand that at all.

"What?" Sif asked, her face the perfect picture of confusion because now Thor was just speaking nonsense to her. The words themselves made sense, but they didn't come together in any sort of context that even existed. "What do you mean there's no mother, Thor, there has to be a..."

Thor shook his head no and looked at her darkly. "That's what I'm trying to say."

Sif blinked at Thor for what felt like ages, letting the pieces of nonsense fall into the only crevice that seemed to fit, before she began laughing nervously. "Hah, that's - that's really funny, Thor. Come on now, what is the problem, really. You honestly had me worried for...a..." she trailed off, realizing that he wasn't laughing with her. For a moment, she choked on her words and moved slightly closer to him to really look into his eyes, almost afraid to even entertain this idea as a potential reality, "... _heavens_ , are you serious?"

"Very much so." Thor looked away then, crossing his arms. "I honestly didn't know it was even possible." Again his voice dropped low enough that he was almost only talking to himself. "Was there something I could have done to prevent this?" That same regret returned again to torment him.

"Thor," she began, although she had no clue how to finish what she assumed was going to be a comforting sentiment because really her mind was still being assaulted by the fact that apparently Loki was with child - with _Thor's_ child. It simply wasn't possible, and yet since her friend just said something showing his own former disbelief of the possibility, it meant it had to be true. Which made sense. Somehow. In her mind. At least it was a way for her to process it. "Of course there wasn't anything you could have done to prevent it. How could you have known?"

Unable to shake off the feeling that he was responsible for everything, Thor simply shrugged and changed the subject a little. "You really cannot tell anyone. I'm not even sure what's going to happen if .. or when .. Loki finds out that I told you."

"Oh, you mean like right now?" Loki's voice came seemingly out of nowhere, standing in front of Thor and Sif with his arms crossed and a judgmental eyebrow raised at his older brother specifically.

Sif practically snapped her head to Loki when she heard his voice. Oh, hell, this was just far too much for her brain to handle. She knew she should come to Thor's aid somehow, but she'd just found out an impossible secret and now she was in trouble for it, and on top of that all she could really do was concentrate on Loki's abdomen because holy shit there was someone growing inside there. It made any attempts at vocal dissuasion completely void.

"When Loki finds out I told you," Thor sarcastically corrected himself. He elbowed Sif slightly and hoped she would stop staring awkwardly at Loki's stomach. "Sif was really worried, I needed to tell her."

"Really, Brother, we agreed on one thing. One thing!" Loki attempted a forced laugh as he said this and held out his index finger to Thor, about to say something more when he was interrupted by Sif leaning over to her friend and murmuring quietly, seemingly having composed herself in the last few moments,

"Ah, so the mood swings have started already, I see."

"Hush, you" he said forcefully, narrowing his eyes, his accusatory finger having moved to point at Sif. "Not funny."  
  
"Actually, it kind of is," she said, attempting to sound sheepish about it but there was definite amusement in her eyes now that the initial shock had worn off and she resumed her role as being actually helpful to Thor.

"Look, Sif is .. taking it fairly well, so it's nothing to worry about. You know, it's really hard to keep this in forever. I needed someone to talk to. And you don't like to talk." Thor managed to point out, somehow keeping himself from laughing at Sif.

Closing his eyes, Loki took a deep breath and counted to ten in his head, which surprisingly worked. Who would have thought that would have been the result. "Look," he said in a calmer tone when he opened his eyes, moving to sit at Thor's other side on the steps. "Do you want to hear what happened with Eir or not?"

Sif looked between the two and felt slightly out of place at Loki's suggestion. "...do you want me to leave you two alone?"

"It's not necessary since you already know," he said with a shrug and another pointed look at Thor.

"Yes, of course I want to know what happened with Eir," Thor insisted, trying to ignore that his tone of voice changed sometimes when he was dealing with Loki. He couldn't hide the fact that this was constantly on his mind, that he was always worrying about his brother. It made him feel sort of weak, but he didn't know how to deal with it any other way.

For a moment, Loki rubbed his forehead and let out a quick breath, formulating everything in his brain. Although they were always in close proximity, Thor and Loki tried not to be overtly affectionate in public due to the taboo (even though many knew anyway), but despite that he found himself linking his hand with his brother's almost subconsciously - and he noticed that Sif's eyes immediately shot to the point of contact, further illustrating the rarity. "First off," he began, "right now everything is fine. She assured me that we're both healthy, but she said she needed to do some research to figure out how to deal with the future, which completely confused me, because honestly...when does this happen and where the hell could she possibly find research?" Loki waved dismissively to push aside his confusion on that subject, because there were more pressing matters and he didn't want to waste his breath. "But whatever."

Thor let out a sigh of relief. "I'm glad everything is alright." He squeezed his brother's hand, keeping their fingers locked. "And I don't know where she'd look either." He puzzled over that but he had literally never heard of this happening before.

"Right? Thank you, I feel validated," he responded with a wild gesture of his free hand to illustrate his confusion, squeezing Thor's with his other in return.

"You can add me to the list of confused people," Sif piped up, trying to not look too intrigued at how this all managed to work, and Loki offered a brief thanks before continuing.  
  
"As is to be expected, though...yes, it's dangerous. The whole situation is particularly dangerous, and she is really not thrilled with the idea that I have her keep it a secret, but eventually she agreed. We do have time, yet, although admittedly not as much time as I expected or was hoping for, but she wants to see me often to monitor my progress. And update me on whatever she finds concerning how we're going to make this happen." Loki was honestly surprised that he managed to relay everything to Thor and Sif, although keeping a calm demeanor and trying to sound businesslike certainly helped him. He didn't want to get too emotionally attached to the situation, positively or negatively. It needed to just remain something he had to deal with, rather than have an opinion on.

Nodding at first, Thor paused. "Are you actually going to let me come with you next time?" he murmured lightly. As confident as Loki sounded, he knew his brother wasn't on the inside. Even though everything was fine for now, he was sure they were both still worried.

Loki choked on his response for a moment, scratching the back of his neck and letting his hand loosely fall from Thor's. "I...I'm not sure," he admitted awkwardly.

"At least think about it." Thor frowned, crossing his arms.

"I have," he responded quickly. "And I'm just not sure if it's such a good idea."

"Loki," Sif stepped in with a definitive and yet also soothing tone. "You should let him be part of this. If you don't want to go through it alone the worst thing you can possibly do is shut him out - can't you tell how much it's affecting him as well?" She was met with a contemplative silence from Loki, who looked away from them both and clicked his tongue against his teeth.

"She has a point." The blonde began before dropping his voice down a little lower. "Why do you want to push me away so much?”

Feeling himself tense at the question but not quite even understanding why himself, Loki looked between Thor and Sif and just shook his head before standing. "Not here," was all he could manage to whisper. He waved dismissively at the two friends on the steps, mumbling some excuse that he needed to lie down, before stalking out of the room to go truly figure out the answer.

Shaking his head, Thor turned to look at Sif. "I don't understand him sometimes. Even though he's my own brother."

"I know," Sif said comfortingly, patting Thor's back and briefly looking towards the exit. "He'll come around," she said fairly confidently. "I know he will. Just remember that Loki doesn't just throw words about the way we do, they're far too important to him - he probably just needs time to collect himself before attempting to talk. I mean really once he _does_ get going does he ever stop?"

"I suppose you're right." Thor conceded. It still bothered him that Loki closed himself off so much though. He didn't know what kind of thoughts ran through the younger man's head sometimes; he couldn't even guess.

"Of course I'm right," she reiterated and patted Thor's cheek, hoping to cheer him up at least a little. "Everything's going to be fine, no matter what you both think."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters today. Half-credit goes to my former roleplay partner.

_**Heavy In Your Arms** _

_Chapter Two_

 

Thor waited outside Loki's door a moment before knocking lightly and going in the room. They had actually pretty much avoided each other for the rest of the day before and all of the current day. He didn't like being apart from his brother, especially not right now, and he wanted to get things sorted out between them. "Loki?"

Hearing the voice on the other side of the door was both relieving and terrifying to Loki, and he looked up from having his head in his hands and stared at his brother in the entrance. He'd practically stayed in his room since yesterday, fighting with his overactive mind, and it had left him drained and defenseless. He tried and failed to say something to Thor before shrugging as if giving up, letting himself collapse back on his bed.

Shutting the door behind him, Thor silently moved across the room. He sat on the edge of this brother's bed. "Will you talk to me now?" His voice was calm and quiet.

Loki sat up again with a shaky breath and just shook his head, resting his elbows on his knees and his mouth on his linked fingers. He couldn't speak because if he did he knew everything would come out and he hated being out of control that way. He wouldn't do it. Not even in front of Thor.

Thor put his hand on Loki's shoulder and looked him in the eyes. "Please?" He didn't know what the dark-haired man was thinking and by this point he had to know. He had been over possibilities all this time they were apart and he didn't like anything he had come up with. Dwelling on it had just made things worse. At this point he just wanted to know the truth.

Feeling his dying defenses grow even weaker as his brother looked into his eyes, Loki shook his head vehemently and stood quickly, his breath picking up as the emotion he'd been trying to hide came straight to the surface. "I can't," he said through shuddering breaths. "I just can't."

"Why can't you tell me? I'm your _brother_ , Loki. Don't you trust me?" Thor tried to keep his voice even, but he couldn't keep the hurt tone out of it. "You know I hate seeing you like this ..."

"I know, but I can't _plan_ this, Thor!" Loki blurted before he realized what he was saying, tears stinging his eyes and hoping he was still too stubborn to let them fall. "All I can do is anticipate! I have no control over any of this and I can't stand it or deal with it, but I _refuse_ to fall apart in front of you because that is _not_ a weakness that I accept myself having!"

Faster than he realized, he was in front of Loki, holding tightly onto his shoulders. "And how is falling apart alone in your room any better? How do you think it makes me feel when you shut me out like this? All I want to do is help you! You didn't get into this yourself and I'm not going to stand by and watch you suffer and do nothing. If you need to fall apart, if you need to be weak, you don't have to be ashamed of it. I just want to be the person who can be strong for you when you can't be, but you won't let me in." The words all came out quickly and he gritted his teeth after he said them, unsure if he had said too much, but it was how he felt.

With every word Thor said, Loki felt his body shaking more and more, at first trying to keep everything in but by the end not caring anymore. For once, someone else was being the voice of reason for him and although it wasn't something he was used to or even particularly liked, he needed it. He needed it to keep himself from going mad, and Thor was honestly the only person he trusted to even love him at all, so he let go of the tension in front of his older brother. He gingerly wrapped his arms around Thor's neck and buried his face in the crook, letting out a weighty sort of sob that had accumulated inside of him which surprised even himself with the intensity, his grip on the other tightening until he truly felt he was clinging to his only remaining lifeline.

Wrapping his arms around Loki, Thor held him tightly and said nothing else. He knew it was an extremely rare occasion for the younger man to cry at all. Anymore anyway. It reminded him a little of when they were children and he'd comfort his brother when he was scared. Things were very different now but he wondered for a moment if he'd always loved Loki without knowing what it was. Gently, he ran his fingers through his younger brother's hair, attempting to comfort him once again.

The fingers running through his hair were an intense comfort to Loki, and he just let himself be, not even realizing how long he'd stayed in Thor's silent arms. Eventually he found his voice again and confessed quietly through his rare tears, "I don't want to do this...but I don't have a choice..."

Thor closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath before speaking. "I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I don't want you to have to go through this either." He pulled back a little to meet his brother's eyes again. "If I could change things I would. Still, that doesn't mean you have to do this alone. I am here."

Nodding in agreement as he took in the vibrant blue of his brother's honest eyes, Loki found himself wiping the tears from his own, slightly embarrassed, before mouthing the words 'thank you.'

Taking his brother's face in his hands, Thor brushed a few tears off Loki's face as well before kissing him. He pushed the younger man's hair out of his face when he pulled away and sighed lightly. "Will you let me come with you to see Eir next time?" He asked quietly. "Please?"

Loki hummed faintly into the kiss, his hands resting on his brother's chest as he took comfort in the feel of it, his eyes remaining on his hands for a long moment after the kiss was broken and Thor's request hung in the air between them. Finally, he blinked and raised his gaze to the elder's, saying a quiet but very definitive, "Yes."

"Thank _you_." Thor replied, giving his younger brother a small smile. He kissed the dark-haired man again, feeling more of a sense of a relief then he had in awhile. Maybe Loki would let him in a little more now.

Letting himself lean completely into the kiss, Loki actually felt himself smiling somewhat into Thor's lips, his hands on his brother's hips as a steady point for himself. When the kiss finally broke, but just barely, the younger asked in a relieved breath, "Will you stay with me tonight?"

"Of course I will." Thor smiled back, resuming the kiss directly after that. He carefully pushed Loki down on his back on the bed. Kissing along his brother's neck, he murmured softly. "You're sure though?"

Loki let his head fall back further against the sheets with an attractive hum at the kisses, the faintest hint of pleasure butterflies in his stomach at the attention. "Oh, I'm sure," he reassured lowly, dancing his fingers beneath the hem of Thor's tunic to gingerly trace the muscles beneath - which Loki was now sorely lacking in, unfortunately, but tonight he refused to care.

Thor almost laughed at the apparent eagerness in his brother's voice, pressing his lips to the curve of Loki's neck. He bit down slightly, licking at the small marks he left repeatedly as the younger man's fingers slid over his skin.

Gasping slightly, Loki shifted to expose more of his neck, sliding his hands up Thor's chest beneath the tunic and therefore eventually removing the garment itself, tossing it on the floor behind them. He cupped one side of his brother's neck and featherlightly pressed his lips to the blond's, letting his eyes flutter closed as he did so.

Kissing back, Thor then moved to push up his brother's robe and easily slid off the light pants he wore underneath. The cloth of the robe fell to Loki's hips and he kissed down the inside of the younger man's leg.

"Ha-ah..." the husky and somewhat breathy sound fell off of his lips, a rush of pleasure taking over his system at the kisses to his inner thigh. Loki grasped at the sheets beneath him and let his legs spread apart a little further for his brother, surrendering to him.

Thor took a moment to remove the rest of his own clothing, shivering a little at the sound Loki made. He hadn't been able to hear it for awhile. He moved the robe up just a bit more past his brother's hips. Very carefully but still quickly he made three of his fingers slick, not hesitating much before pushing one inside Loki.

The feeling was somewhat strange to him again being that it had been so long since the last time he and Thor were together like this, but his brother knew _exactly_ how to manage him so it was no longer uncomfortable, and Loki felt another moan slip off of his lips, bending his knees more to briefly increase the stretch.

Loki's body seemed to take him in easier and so he added another finger, pressing them in a little harder. Thor was a little impatient, especially with his brother's voice practically urging him on. He added the third finger but they had been together enough times before this that he didn't meet much resistance and he was satisfied with it. He let out a deep breath and took them out, looking up to his brother. "Good, Loki?"

"O-Oh, _yes_ ," Loki moaned, tortured that the fingers were gone and he was still in anticipation of Thor himself. "I can't wait," he said seductively, rocking beneath his brother and hoping to tempt the older inside of him without wasting any more time. It had been too long since they were last like this, and after the consensus of the night, he really needed it to bring everything together.

Moving apart his brother's legs just a little more, Thor gently pushed inside, inhaling sharply. He'd almost forgotten how it felt to be one with Loki. Trembling slightly with the effort to move slowly, he pressed in a little more, barely able to keep his eyes open to watch the younger man.

A deep moan made its way from Loki's throat, his hands quickly moving to grip Thor's biceps. His head fell back with a gasp as the older moved further inside of him, knowing that it was the younger man's sounds that drove this whole encounter no matter what it may seem to anyone else - and he'd missed the unique sensation of being filled with the overtone of pushing them both to abandon control.

"Ahn--" Thor gasped out as he slid completely inside Loki. He moved to kiss his brother and held his face, looking into the younger man's eyes for a moment. Then with a slight increase in pace, he repeated his motions, intent on drawing out more moans from his brother.

Loki managed a small smile through his quick breaths at the kiss, overtaken by feeling when Thor began to move again, adjusting his own hips to guide the elder brother and truly allow himself to feel every motion, a desperate moan falling off of his lips accompanied with a breathy, " _Yes_ , Thor, yes -"

When Loki shifted, Thor could feel himself push even deeper into his brother. His lips met the dark-haired man's again as he tried to drown his own voice. He moved harder against Loki, knowing by now exactly what his brother wanted; exactly what to do to drive him crazy.

With every subsequent thrust, Loki felt Thor nudging nearer and eventually hitting his pleasure center, driving him wild at the way they moved together to tease them both, a shuddering and intense groan moving from past his tongue and onto his brother's, scratching at the other's broad shoulders encouragingly as his own frame shook with want.

Thor broke the kiss to take a breath, moaning slightly at the light burning on his back from Loki's nails. He had settled into a steady pace; he loved having his brother shaking under him from the pleasure. "Want it harder, Loki?" he murmured into the younger man's ear.

" _Oh -_ " Loki choked out as he squirmed in pleasure at both the sensations his brother was giving him and the attractive murmurs into his ear. "Yes, please, yes," he assured Thor in a husky and dark tone, his knees pressing deeply into the older's sides as they moved together.

Picking up the pace, Thor moved harder into his brother. Another soft noise escaped his lips before he shifted and bit down into Loki's neck again. He had missed being with the younger man more then he had thought. He tangled his fingers into his brother's dark hair, gasping against his skin.

"Mmmn!" the younger encouraged, rocking his frame into the pace and leaning into the touch of Thor's heated breath against his neck and fingers in his hair. And oh, yes, Loki knew he was driving the blond mad just by being here - how could he have nearly forgotten how good this felt?

"Louder," Thor urged his brother, his grip in Loki's hair becoming tighter. He made shorter motions into the younger man, trying to hit the same spot over and over. He needed to hear Loki's voice again.

A pleasurable "A-Ahh!" ripped its way from Loki's throat at Thor's change in pace, driving quickly into him, eager utterings of 'u-uhn' following the moan with each subsequent short thrust. His hands shook and flexed against his brother's sides, his release building.

Knowing his brother wasn't going to last much longer, Thor kept the pace up. Their bodies seemed to fit together almost perfectly and he thought about the fact that he was lucky enough to have known this amazing person he was with for his entire life. "Loki." His tone was heavy enough that he could convey his feelings in that one name. 

The weight of the emotion in Thor's tone was enough to make Loki gasp, a shudder running through his system. He raised his shaking lips to Thor's and if the other man hadn't said anything, he may have lasted longer, but Loki found himself coming hard after just a few more motions inside of him, collapsing with shuddering breaths but still trying to keep his hips active enough to help his older brother to his aftermath.

Gripping the sheets behind his brother's head tightly in his fist, Thor pushed against the younger man a few more times. Trembling, he came as well, Loki's own reaction to him pushing him over faster. He shifted to lie down and draped an arm around his brother, unable to speak for the moment.

After long moments of trying to catch his breath, Loki finally trusted his voice again and said through small gasps, "I...have certainly...missed that." A small smile was playing on his lips and he turned to look at Thor, brushing a small lock of hair behind the other's ear and searching his face quietly.

Thor laughed lightly, his breath also still uneven. "I have too .." he smiled back and held Loki's face gently. His expression turned a bit more serious as he looked into his brother's eyes as well. "I love you, Loki."

Loki bit his lip at the words, scanning Thor's eyes and gingerly taking one of the hands on his face in his own and sliding it down the fabric of his robe to rest on his abdomen, connecting them to their creation. "I know," he replied slowly. "And I, you, despite how I may act at times."

Still keeping his hand pressed lightly to Loki's stomach, Thor leaned in to kiss his brother, unable to find words.

Smiling into the kiss, Loki pressed both of his hands against the back of Thor's, keeping it there and taking true comfort in the touch - perhaps it wasn't just him that was feeling at peace because of it. It was a strange and amazing thought, really.

 

**\--**

 

Loki was leaning against Thor's wall dressed in some of his loose training robes, rubbing his browline with one hand as they were trying to discuss how to handle the future that was rapidly approaching. "This is getting so much harder to hide, not that I didn't expect it to be...still," he grumbled unhappily, approving less and less of the idea of him going through to fruition only to give the baby up when it was born. He continually reminded himself that he had to look at this as business, that he was trying every moment of every day not to get emotionally attached. Although just to himself he could admit that he was failing miserably at doing so.

"I know .." Thor agreed, frowning as he looked up at his brother from his place on the bed. Loki had been more disagreeable than anything else lately, and Sif joked it was just mood swings, but he felt like it might be something else. Something that the younger man wasn't going to tell him. He knew it was pointless to bring up though so he kept his thoughts to himself. Loki was going to have some secrets and he'd just have to deal with that. Sighing, he tried to think up an idea. "Is there something you can do with your doppelganger magic?"

Nodding, his eyes technically looking at Thor but really were in another place entirely as he contemplated his choices, Loki chewed absentmindedly on the end of his thumb, sliding down the wall until he landed in a seated position on the floor with a soft 'oomph.' "That's one of our only options," he agreed. "Fuck, this is such a disaster."

Thor got up and sat down on the floor by Loki, taking his hand. "It is. But we're together .. and we'll figure something out." He tried to say it reassuringly, but he was having his own doubts. As time passed, they seemed to come up more and more in his thoughts. It was okay if Sif knew ... but if anyone else found out, it might be a different story. He looked down, sure his expression was giving him away.

For once, Loki actually felt himself tense when Thor took his hand, having felt so far away that being touched grounded him immediately and it was startling. Eventually he managed to relax and interlocked his fingers with his brother's. "We'd best. Using the dopplegangers is probably our top option right now, especially so that Father doesn't constantly see me in looser robes as time goes on, let alone anyone else. I can get away with wearing these as long as there are other witness accounts when I seem to appear as I always do," the deceptive ideas spilled off his tongue so fluidly he'd clearly had a lot of practice in this department and hoped that Thor wouldn't exactly dwell on it. "The most important thing really is keeping it from Father's eye."

"You've really thought this though," Thor complimented his brother, trying to avoid thinking about what would happen if their father found out. The implications of everything he'd learn were ... he pushed the thought away and looked back to Loki again. "We just have to keep being careful."

Loki looked up at his brother and nodded in agreement, running his thumb over the back of Thor's hand. "We've been doing alright so far, so as long as we have a plan things should be alright," he stated all-too businesslike, still trying to repress the bias that was twisting his heart. Another thought quickly occurred to interrupt his self-indulgent ones and he began vocalizing, "And also just pray that -" but he was interrupted by a heavy knock on the blond's bedroom door and he turned to the entrance curiously.

Thor turned to look at his brother for a moment with a puzzled expression and stood up to answer the door. He opened it just far enough to see who was standing outside. "Sif? What's going on?" He got a bad feeling when he saw the look on her face.

Clearing her throat, Sif took a look into Thor's room, unsurprised to find Loki inside, trying to figure out the best way to tell them but realized there really wasn't a good way, so she stuck with the simplest. "I'm...I'm sorry to tell you this but - Heimdall needs to see you both."

At that, Loki's head immediately snapped up and the remaining color drained from his face. Of course it would only truly occur to him when it was already too late to figure out how to keep Heimdall's eye concentrated somewhere else. Terror seeped into his logic as his gaze shifted to Thor.

Thor returned his brother's look blankly before turning back to Sif. "Fine." He gritted his teeth and waited for Loki to walk over to the door as well. He felt absolutely numb as his mind tried to catch up, already going through theories and repercussions faster than he thought possible.

Slowly raising himself from the floor, Loki approached Thor silently, taking a deep breath before managing in the iciest tone ever used to convey any polite term, "Thank you, Sif." It made Sif shiver as she heard it and increased her fear for the two, wishing she could have protected them from this although it had truly only been a matter of time. She nodded solemnly in return and watched them leave.

There was silence as they walked through the long empty halls. Thor still didn't know what to think or feel or even what to do at all. Mostly he wanted to say something to Loki, anything to comfort him, but he didn't believe there was anything he _could_ say. He glanced over to his brother. He couldn't even hold the younger man's hand now. He turned back, staring straight ahead, clenching his teeth hard enough together that they hurt.

As the brothers walked in silence, Loki retreated into his thoughts despite also wanting to numb them. He was glad they were taking their time because he certainly was not eager for this - he kept trying to come up with other things the summons could potentially be about, but it was no help, because he knew. They both knew. It was foolish to not just accept that they'd been found out. Absentmindedly, Loki placed his hands protectively on his abdomen, running his thumb along as if to comfort himself. He and Thor seemed to make it to Heimdall faster than he thought it should take but then he realized that he'd barely even noticed the time passing in silence with all of his thoughts. For once, he kept that silence as he looked up to the gatekeeper.

Heimdall looked at each of the brothers in turn. He forced himself to not have an opinion on what he'd learned; it wasn't his business to judge them. Instead he made sure no one's eyes were averted from the truth. Something of this kind of importance could not be kept from their father, from the king. "I am sure you both know why I have summoned you here. There is nothing for me to say on the matter. Regardless of that though, you must know, if you do not tell Odin, I will. It is your choice." His expression was very grave.

While listening to Heimdall, Loki set his jaw and looked down as he usually did when he was trying to keep at bay his true opinions or emotions on any matter. After the gatekeeper was finished, he exchanged a questioning look with his brother, his eyes icy because he certainly didn't need or want Heimdall to see the way they usually looked at each other with the information he was presenting them with now. "Heimdall," Loki began in an even tone that was difficult for him to summon at the choice he was presented with, "is there nothing we can do for you to reconsider? You must know we already have a plan in place. Or is it the principle of the matter?" he added somewhat sarcastically at the end, unable to help himself.

Thor returned Loki's gaze but his expression was still blank. He wouldn't allow any of his emotions be reflected outwardly. Still shuffling through possibilities, he had decided his brother would be his first priority, even if it meant .. he didn't finish the thought. He couldn't speak so he merely listened to the conversation going on.

"It is not my place to make a judgment on the morality of what has been done here. My only concern is that the truth is not hidden, that lies are not spread. I am resolved to take whatever measures I need to. You may tell him in your own way or I shall." Heimdall said, his tone completely matter-of-fact.

Loki was silent for a while, so many potential outcomes racing through his head it was impossible to differentiate when one ended and another began. The entire time, he was staring with hard eyes at Heimdall. Eventually he said in a forced tone, "Very well."

Finally Thor went directly up to Heimdall and spoke to him quickly in a voice that was too low for Loki to hear. "This is my fault." he murmured. "I should be punished, not Loki. I want to leave him out of this as much as possible."

"That isn't for me to decide. You must go together." answered Heimdall, shaking his head.

"Fine," answered Thor again. He turned quickly and went back to his brother. His voice was stiff and his expression was still blank, but it showed the slightest hint of anger. "Loki, we're leaving."

Confusedly looking between the two, Loki narrowed his eyes and caught Thor by the arm as he tried to walk past after he announced they were leaving. "What did you say to him?" he asked quietly, perhaps leaning in a little too close as he did so.

Slight pain showed on Thor's features before he composed himself. "Nothing important. We should figure out what we're going to do exactly. And fast. Before Heimdall gets any ideas." He began to walk again, pulling his brother along with him. It actually hurt for Loki to be that close to him right now; it was too much of a reminder of the guilt he couldn't seem to shake.

 

**\--**

 

Thor paced back and forth. They were waiting to enter the throne room where their father was. "Well, that's it. We're just going to have to tell him the truth and that we already have a plan." he murmured mostly to himself, staring at the ground as he walked. "There's nothing else to do." He'd just have to plead with his father to leave Loki out of any punishment. He looked up at his brother, realizing that he hadn't added anything. "Do you agree?"

Only half listening as Thor spoke and paced, Loki found himself playing with his fingers, a little known nervous habit of his, gaze downward and resting on the small bump that was barely concealed. His doubt grew greater by the second, probably because the whole purpose for their plan was about to find out anyway, so what was the point in keeping it in play? Nevertheless, he knew what was likely to happen, so he reluctantly nodded in agreement and gave his brother a pensive, "Of course."

The blonde stopped pacing and watched Loki move his hands nervously. His eyes consistently on .. well, their child. He had agreed though; there was no other choice. Thor shut his eyes for a moment, reminding himself that he had priorities. Opening them again, he approached the door and touched the handle. "Loki?" he asked to get the dark-haired man's attention. His brother hadn't moved.

When he heard his name, Loki looked up and his eyes instantly fell on Thor's hand. Something surged in him, usually hoping for better timing and a better way for his will to come to pass, never wanting to achieve his means in a way that made him vulnerable, but he knew if he didn't speak now he would lose out completely on the one thing he knew deep inside that he wanted. He approached the door and brushed Thor's hand away from the handle, looking up at his brother and feeling "Wait -" stumble off his lips before he could stop himself. "I...I was thinking," he cleared his throat, unsure where to look as he said his next words so he decided on the handle simply because it wasn't the other's face, "what if he lets us keep it?"

The thought had actually not occurred to Thor at all. He was so positive about how Loki felt, so sure that his feelings remained the same. "W-what?" his voice was almost a whisper. The thought of that smashed the grip he had on all his emotions. "I don't .. I .." It was something they couldn't wish for; he knew it wasn't going to happen. He wouldn't allow himself to hope for it. Words failed him and he just shook his head very lightly, pushing the door to the room open. "Ask him." He'd regained hold of his emotions and decided to just press on to the meeting they'd wanted to avoid.

Loki seemed a little taken aback, not by Thor's words themselves but by the manner in which he said them. He took a step away and looked through the opened doorway almost with surprise before returning his gaze to his older brother. "I will," he said surely. "I refuse to not try, even if I fail. I won't easily give up on something that's mine." The only reason he managed to look confident on his way into the throne room was due to the fact that he didn't want to further speak about the subject with Thor, although terror still gnawed at his core with every step he took towards his father.

Still reeling a little from what Loki had said, it took Thor a moment to say anything to their father. Everything they had done and said just kept getting worse and worse. He wasn't sure what to start with, especially not with knowing how Loki felt about it now. "Father," he began, only just barely meeting the older man's eyes. "How much do you know?"

Odin stood slowly from his chair, regarding the guilt and fear rolling off of his sons in waves. It wasn't that he hadn't trusted Heimdall but he was hoping there had been something he'd missed - the severity of this if it were true was far more dire than they would even understand, and how he'd missed it was even harder still to come to terms with, or that it had even happened in the first place. His voice was booming and serious but tried not to be blameful as he addressed Thor and Loki, "I have heard much from the gatekeeper today - and now I ask you both for your honesty...is it true?"

The echo of his father's voice sent a shiver through Loki's spine, clenching and unclenching his hands at his sides. He tried to summon bravery and managed a good facade, but it was a thin layer, the fear itching its way just beneath the false display. "Yes," he managed evenly, trying to keep a distance from Thor so as not to make the situation worse. "All of it is."

Thor struggled to find something to add, Loki's sudden confession about the situation was not helping his thoughts. "Neither of us had any clue something like this could happen." He didn't know what to say next; everything seemed superfluous.

"It is not something you should ever have learned could happen," Odin snapped back almost immediately, his grip on his staff tightening. The danger of everything he had done to protect his sons from the truth was hurting his resolve as he tried to figure out how he could continue with this without them finding out the truth. He supposed the only thing he could do was address what they felt was the obvious because they had no way to know what dangers lie beneath their actions. "Nor can either of you begin to understand the seriousness of what you have done." 

"Father," Loki began, taking a step forward, his hands strategically held out palm up in some form of submission. "We cannot edit the past - you know this. Punish us how you will, yes, we certainly have shamed you. But now that you know, can you aid us? The child itself has done nothing to deserve your scorn and should be treated as such."

 "Loki," Thor hissed at him reproachfully. As much as he felt he could love the child that he had created with his brother, it was not the first thing on his mind. He didn't want the younger man to be punished at all. "Father, he knows not what he speaks of --"

 Just as Loki turned to stare at Thor in disbelief, Odin interrupted him with a quick shout that silenced the entire room, "Hush!" The Allfather knew what Thor was trying to do, but he knew either way his son's request was taken, it would spiral into a further argument amongst all three of them which was not needed now. And Loki's parental behavior honestly surprised Odin - it was not at all what he'd expected from him, which made his own inner struggles as a diplomat all the more difficult. "On the contrary, I believe that instead of a caught troublemaker, Loki is speaking already as a parent. And as one myself, I believe we deserve to hear his words at the very least." 

For a moment, Loki wasn't sure he'd heard his father correctly. This was the first time in his immediate memory that he could recall something like this happening, and he found his confusion momentarily kill the speech that had been on his tongue.

Turning to his brother, Thor looked at him blankly, refusing to let anything play out on his face. "Well, then, Loki?" he prompted the younger man. His brother could attempt to hope for a better ending to this affair, but he would not allow himself that same vain wish.

"It's true," Loki began, glaring slightly at Thor, not for a second understanding whatever motives were playing behind his brother's eyes, "that I wasn't planning on being one for long. And truer still, that has changed over time, I will admit. But setting even that aside, now is not the time to pass any shame, blame, or judgment. The outcome of this entire mess is not important now because we just need to concentrate on the reality of the situation - that this is delicate and dangerous and I certainly would rather have a living and healthy child to worry about." He looked between his brother and his father before finally summoning up the courage to say, "And if possible, I would like to raise it..."

"Loki, you know the type of scorn that is waiting in our world for a child with such parentage," Odin half-lied, shaken slightly by the request.  
  
"I know, but - "  
  
"Enough. That is not the decision to be made today, especially due to the reasons I have already reiterated to you both." It was true, the world believed Thor and Loki were as they believed they were, after all. It would not be easy for a child. But even moreso what would a true half-breed bring if being raised on Asgard? It was something he would have to weigh heavily in the months ahead. "But you are right about one thing, that in itself is a decision for a later date. We have to think about bringing the baby here both discreetly and safely. Which I do intend to aid you with." Odin took another step closer to his sons almost as if to put even more distance between them, the sound of his staff hitting the ground again emphasizing his point before he even made it. "As for whatever has been going on between you two behind closed doors - it _must_ end. The both of you were foolish and disgraceful if you thought get away with it and also for even entertaining the idea in the first place."

"I refuse to let Loki go through this alone," Thor interjected firmly. "Forcing us to stay apart is a bad idea, for him and the child." Even with how confused and ripped to pieces he already felt, to be torn away from his brother on top of everything; he couldn't do that as well.

Both Odin and Loki's gaze turned to Thor then, the former's somewhat in disbelief for not the first time that night, the latter's grateful to an extent that he'd never admit out loud. "You always have been stubborn to protect that which is important to you," Odin said to his oldest, tired, no reprimand left in his tone because it was indeed an admirable trait, despite the reasons for it. "Of course I cannot separate you both, but neither can I condone your behavior nor do I wish to enable the both of you. It is on your honor to do what is _right_ now, and I trust you both to not take advantage of the privilege of not being apart and act responsibly. Although don't think it will stay that way for long. This is a matter that we will come back to after the birth of the child, but it isn't our priority at the moment." 

"Thank you, Father, for your understanding," Loki said in a purposefully humbled tone, somewhat relieved for the time being despite the storm he knew was waiting for him at the end of the next few months. Before he could truly process the feeling, however, he felt a shift and a kick inside of him. He had only felt brief flutters of movement before, but now for the first time there was definitely someone moving around in there and he pressed his hands to his abdomen with a soft and surprised, "Oh - !"

Before he could stop himself, Thor moved a few steps immediately towards Loki. ".. the baby?" he murmured, reaching out. He thought better of it and pulled his arms back. He didn't want his father to completely see how he acted towards the younger man, and he was sure his father felt the same way.

"Yes," Loki breathed, fighting a smile which ended up being relatively easy through his discomfort and also as Thor forced himself to not touch Loki in their father's line of sight. A slight pang of something that may have been guilt went through Odin at the display as well, although there was also some sense of relief that Thor was trying to obey his command. He turned his back to his sons and made his way back to the throne, wordlessly permitting them to leave.

Almost immediately, Loki steadied himself on Thor's arm, taking a deep breath before righting himself and letting go of his brother, making his way to the door of the throne room, eager to get away from the tense and disappointed air hovering amongst all three of them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for looking at my fic, readers. (: And of course, a few notes. The battle later on in the chapter was just a plot device really, so the details behind it were never fleshed out, apologies for this. Vaguely, it's just that Thor and some of the others are going to help a distant world with some issues they've been having. The story wasn't originally created for an audience. I'm sorry for all the explicit material in this chapter, though I assume most of you aren't complaining, lol. Do feel free to review with questions if you have any. Half-credit goes to my former roleplay partner.

_**Heavy In Your Arms** _

  _Chapter Three_

 

Loki was pacing back and forth after his and Thor's meeting with Eir, his brother seated on one of the four sofas arranged in a square within the room. He knew he should probably be sitting down and he could feel his brother's disapproving gaze on him, but he didn't care, his mind was always overactive after these visits and theories. On top of that, with his ever changing figure it sometimes hurt and took time to sit down - he'd much rather just hold his back and pace. It wasn't like he was extremely large yet but there was a definitive bump now, thankfully it could still be hidden well with robes, and his doppelgangers had been helpful for him to control into showing up to various court meetings.

Thor's eyes followed his brother and he frowned at the fact that Loki never seemed to rest enough. Saying something would be pointless though so he just kept up with their conversation about Eir. They were still just working with guesses and ideas; no one knew for sure what was going to happen. Sighing, the blonde rested his chin in his hand. He had also tried to avoid getting too close to the younger man, attempting futilely to obey his father's command.

Eventually Loki stopped pacing, growing tired of the roundabout conversation like Thor wasn't trying to avoid any real topic. He closed his eyes and rubbed his lower back which was not made for carrying much extra weight around, all this talk of the theories just depressing him - he didn't want theories, they certainly wouldn't be of any use to him when the baby actually came. He wanted an answer and he wasn't getting it from Eir, and talking about it with Thor wasn't helping so he just ceased to for a long moment, standing quietly in the middle of the room.

"Do you want to lie down?" Thor asked after a long moment, unable to keep the anxious tone out of his voice. Standing, he looked uneasily toward Loki, ready if his brother wanted to lean on him. That was almost the only time they ever touched any more.

"No," he said in an unconvincingly tired voice, massaging his browline with his free hand, trying not to seem too excited that Thor was at least standing to be used as support. Loki knew that the older brother was trying so hard to obey their father's wishes but it wasn't something the younger cared about as much in his practically eternally uncomfortable position. He wished he knew some other way to get contact with him besides torturing himself until his brother had no choice.

"You shouldn't push yourself so much," Thor replied disapprovingly, finally going over and taking his brother's arm in his own. "You're tired, aren't you?" He tried desperately to ignore the small shocks that ran through him when he touched Loki. They seemed even more intense due to their recent lack of contact.

Unable to help the small gasp that came from Thor's brief touch, Loki looked away so as not to scare him off, although they were both as stubborn as ever. "Of course I'm tired, Brother, I'm always tired lately." It came out a little snappier than it had sounded in his head, cursed mood swings. It was a wonder anyone put up with them.

Thor caught himself smiling at Loki's tone, knowing his brother wasn't really angry, but he rearranged his expression before the younger man could notice. "I know, that's why you should lie down." he pointed out, pulling a little lightly on Loki's arm in the direction of the door.

Grumbling partially on purpose and partially because he truly was just that tired and uncomfortable, Loki allowed himself to be moved towards the door but halfway there he stopped with a gasp and gripped Thor's arm, feeling the baby kick as if trying to get comfortable itself before switching into movements that felt like inner butterflies. "Sorry," he said in a breathy laugh that wasn't sorry at all.

Remaining silent, Thor paused with Loki when he stopped. For whatever reason, curiosity probably, he reached out and gently put his hand on his brother's stomach. He hadn't done anything like it in a long time and his fingers trembled a little. The small tap he felt against his hand made everything more real to him, and some of the emotions he had kept locked up escaped. "Loki," he breathed out, looking into the younger man's green eyes.

"See?" Loki murmured honestly, linking his own hands together and resting them on top of Thor's to keep his hand there, massaging it with his thumb. "It's real." For once this wasn't something his words could explain to his brother - but he wanted him to continue feeling it, maybe then he'd understand. Loki could feel the baby taking comfort in the touch as it settled into smaller movements that could still be felt. "And already knows who we are."

Still feeling the small flutters under his hand, Thor kept it there, again emotionally unable to settle on any one feeling. He wanted the baby, and he wanted to raise it with Loki. It was _theirs_ after all. But that same negativity also welled up inside him. It was never going to be possible. He couldn't think about that now and upset his brother though. He swallowed back the pain and focused on the child and the dark-haired man watching him. He sighed a little and gave Loki a small smile, not trusting his voice to say anything in that moment.

Unable to help himself, Loki felt the brief beginnings of a returning smile playing on his lips. He let out a long breath and leaned in to press his forehead to his brother's. It may be impossible but he was hoping this could help convince Thor that this was worth fighting for - he knew they weren't supposed to be thinking about that right now but it was obviously on both of their minds, they were just avoiding talking about it.

Knowing no one was around, Thor quickly pressed his lips to his brother's, breaking his promise as easily as he had made it. Command or no command, he hadn't stopped loving Loki. He broke the kiss before it deepened anymore, looking at the younger man again. "You still need to lie down."

Loki gasped the moment those lips met his, a small reflexive sound of disappointment spilling forth when the feeling ended as quickly as it begun. He shook his head in response to Thor's statement. "No," he murmured stubbornly. "Not until you kiss me for real."

"Always have to have it your way, don't you?" Thor murmured teasingly, leaning back in to kiss his brother properly. He held him close, but gently and protectively. Loki remained the most important person in his life. If he had to give something up to save the younger man, he would do it.

Murmuring into the kiss something that sounded a lot like, "Mhm," Loki graciously accepted Thor's lips, letting the tension release as he was held. His hands slid up his brother's chest between them to rest gingerly on either side of his neck, purposefully letting out a soft sound to encourage Thor to keep breaking their father's rule.

"We can't do this here," Thor finally said, his lips still close to his brother's. "Someone might walk in." His hand rested in the small of Loki's back, his fingers rubbing through the fabric in small circles.

"I really don't care," Loki practically moaned, dancing his fingers up Thor's neck and to his jawline, leaning into the touch at his lower back which honestly eased some of the pain he was in.

Shivering slightly at the tone in Loki's voice, Thor kissed down his neck. "That's not very responsible." Though, he had to admit, he didn't much feel like being responsible this exact moment either. He breathed in his brother's familiar scent before biting lightly into the curve of the younger man's neck.

Letting his head fall back to expose more skin of his neck for Thor, the younger brother breathed out seductively, "It isn't, is it?" It was a wonder the blond still wanted Loki in this state, but he was breaking down Thor's barriers and he wasn't about to let go now, especially since it had been so long since they had touched even remotely like this. "Perhaps that was my point..."

"You're very impatient," Thor said, kissing Loki again and slowly moving him back towards one of the sofas in the room. Every logical and sensible part of him that told him this was a completely bad idea was shut out by the feeling of being able to be with his brother again. He didn't know how he stood being distant from him now they were together again.

"And who's fault is that, I wonder?" Loki murmured heatedly into those lips, allowing himself to be led to the sofa, unhooking Thor's sleek layer of armor and dropping it gingerly on the floor, leaving him in his tunic. It was hard to press as close as he wanted to being that he was somewhat overprotective of the baby, but it was also entirely too difficult to keep his distance now that they had given in.

Thor just shook his head with a slight smirk as they reached the sofa. He slipped his hands up under Loki's robe to remove the light pants he wore under them. Still leaving soft lingering touches, he eventually moved with his brother to position him on the sofa. "If you think your knees can take it," the blonde teased from behind the younger man.

Kicking himself lightfootedly out of his pants, Loki made a heated sound as Thor led him to his knees on the sofa, his hands reaching in front of him to brace himself on the back of the furniture. "Of course I can. Honestly, no need to assume I'm suddenly glass just because I'm carrying your child," he teased.

Laughing, Thor squeezed his hips affectionately. "Whatever you say, brother." He pushed up the back of Loki's robe, wasting no time in making his fingers slick. He gently pushed in the first one, his other hand resting along the younger man's hip.

Loki let out a breathy laugh in return which quickly caught in his throat as that finger slid into him, excitement flooding his body at how absolutely completely forbidden this was on so many levels, far more that it had ever been previously. If they could allow themselves to let go, anything should be possible, he thought as he let out a shaking and anticipatory breath, his hands gripping the back of the sofa slightly harder.

Again, Loki's body didn't resist too much and Thor pressed in a second finger not too long afterwards, listening to the soft noises his brother made. He knew he shouldn't be getting a thrill out of taking the younger man in such a dangerous place but he was, shivering when he thought of it again. He pushed in the third finger, pressing them deeper inside Loki.

A choked sound made its way from Loki's throat, and he shifted slightly more so his knees were a little further apart on the sofa, forcing himself to relax easily against all three fingers. "I almost can't believe we're doing this," he breathed seductively before reiterating in a husky tone, " _almost._ "

"Someone couldn't wait to leave the room." Thor reminded him teasingly, gently pulling his fingers back out. He only removed the amount of clothes he needed to before holding onto Loki's hips tightly. He began to push into his brother, letting out a strangled breath as he reminded himself not to move faster.

Inhaling sharply through his teeth as Thor entered him, Loki pressed his palms hard against the back cushion before letting his head fall to quickly expel the breath he'd just taken. The thrill of rulebreaking flooded his system as well as the feel of connecting with Thor, which was especially prevalent due to the moment they'd shared before this.

Pressing in deeper, Thor managed to keep the pace slow. He let out a deep breath when he was finally inside Loki and wrapped his arms around his brother. He left a light kiss on the back of the younger man's neck before moving his hands to Loki's hips to repeat the motions again.

As Thor repeated the motion inside of him, Loki let out a quick breath and curled his toes at the feeling. He shook his hair out of his face as it was already threatening to stick to his skin, letting the hands on his hips guide him, at least for now.

"Trying to be quiet?" Thor asked in a low voice. He brought his brother's hips back to meet him a little as he pushed in again, faster this time. His question ended with just the slightest tilt of a moan to it.

"Don't flatter yours - _ahn_ ," came the breathy reply from Loki. He would have been able to finish his phrase, too, if he hadn't felt that faster and deeper motion inside of him. While the moan didn't exactly help his case, he certainly knew it would get to his brother.

Shuddering slightly at the sound of his brother's moan, Thor did it again, his fingertips sinking harder into the younger man's hips. "You can do better than that," he teased, pressed against Loki's back. He shifted into a steady rhythm, hoping to draw more sounds out of his brother.

Arching his back into Thor, Loki bit his lower lip and purposefully only let the bare sounds of his moans pass his lips. As he got used to the feeling of Thor's pace, he purposefully tensed around his brother just to tease him, especially since Loki refused to be any louder at least for the time being.

" _Oh_ Loki---" Thor moaned out softly before he could stop himself. His brother knew how to drive him crazy in the same way that he knew the younger man so intimately. Biting down hard on his own lip, he hoped that might be enough to drive Loki to let go a little more.

Loki let out a breathless chuckle heavy with lust, clearly pleased with his brother's offering. He pressed his hands harder against the back of the sofa, the pace inside of him driving more soft moans past his lips although he gradually let them get louder as the rhythm between them got heavier.

Placing his own hands alongside Loki's on the back of the sofa, Thor gripped it tightly as well, now pressed up against his brother. He moved hard into the younger man still, his breath harsh and uneven as their bodies slid together.

Letting out a deep and shaking moan as Thor drove harder into him, upping his pleasure, Loki slowly slid his hands outwards and beneath his brother's, the back of his hands fitting perfectly against the others palms. He flexed his fingers to intertwine them with the blond's and gripped them tightly as he gasped for breath.

"What am I going to do with you, brother?" Thor managed to gasp out into Loki's ear as they moved. "You're having me break all the rules now." His voice shook as he made short, controlled thrusts. He held on tightly to the hands under his own.

A chuckle escaped Loki's lips through labored breathing, and he shifted his neck so he was able to press the arch of his nose against Thor's cheek. "A- _Ahn_ ," fell heatedly past his lips as he felt his brother's pace become short and deliberate, his hands beginning to shake beneath Thor's, his voice reduced to a mere husk between jagged breaths, "You - _oh, yes_ \- you need me...like this..."

"I do," Thor admitted. He was even more connected to his brother in that very moment than he had been in a long time. "I--I _need_ you, Loki," the blonde moaned lowly, feeling the younger man's hands tremble against his own.

The moan that escaped next was entirely genuine and not at all quiet, and all Loki could do was pray that there was no one walking past and that Heimdall's eyes were turned elsewhere, because not only would they know what was going on but they'd know _exactly_ what Loki was feeling at that given moment and that wasn't something he could let happen with anyone besides Thor.

Shuddering again from how intense and raw his brother's reaction was, Thor moved in just the right way to make sure he was hitting that spot inside Loki perfectly. It was very good that the younger man wasn't made of glass, because the blonde was not treating him that way at all. "Come, Loki--" Thor's voice had almost a commanding tone, his breath hot against his brother's ear. "And .. call my name when you do.."

Gasping greedily for air as his release built, Loki's frame was shaking intensely by the time his brother's words pushed him over the edge, already moaning as his orgasm took him over in waves. "Ah, ahh - _Thor -_!" his hands went slack beneath Thor's in his aftermath, trying to regain his breath after having practically shredded his vocal chords.

Thor braced himself on the sofa, instead of the younger man's hands as his grip tightened. Loki was still trembling against him when he came as well, pushing hard into his brother a few final times. The blonde moved to sit on the couch by Loki, not wanting to lean on him while he caught his own breath. He rested a hand gently on the younger man's still clothed back.

Loki was still breathing hard, moving one shaking hand to rest on his abdomen, just about ready to collapse but not wanting to do anything to his poor unborn child that had probably just suffered through enough. He smiled slightly at the hand to his back, though, and waited for himself to calm down.

"Need help?" Thor offered once he could speak. He weakly smiled at his brother, rubbing small circles against the fabric again comfortingly. He still couldn't believe no one had come in the room during all that. It was too early to assume they'd gotten away with it though.

"No," came a quiet sound from Loki, although honestly the traced circles on the fabric were helping. "I...can't sit down," he said as if it were a full explanation for his next request. "You should probably put your pants back on."

Slightly confused, Thor obeyed Loki and then sat back down next to him again. "You have a reason for wanting me reclothed besides the obvious, brother?"

"I don't see how there's any obvious reason why _I_ would want you clothed," Loki murmured tiredly as he slowly shifted from his position on his knees, carefully maneuvering himself to lie down on his side, which was basically the only position he could handle, and rest his head in Thor's lap, humming slightly as he did so.

"If someone happened to come in the room," Thor reminded him, tangling his fingers into his brother's dark hair. "At least you still have your robe on."

"You're the one with the reputation to uphold, really," Loki began in a comforted voice that didn't exactly match his words, resting his hand on Thor's knee and letting himself relax into the fingers in his hair.

Thor simply shook his head and paused a moment. "You are okay though, right?" he asked quietly. He knew Loki would say he was fine either way, but he still felt he had to ask. He was a little worried about how hasty they just were.

Loki nodded silently from his place in Thor's lap, wondering why the older brother even bothered to ask. It's not like he was going to admit to anything else, especially due to the comfort he was settling into right at this moment.

Sighing under his breath in frustration, Thor resumed running his fingers through his brother's hair. Maybe no one would ever know all of Loki, not even himself. And he was the closest anyone had ever gotten, he supposed.

"No need for that," Loki hummed, feeling Thor's tension and frustration. He ran his thumb gingerly along his brother's knee, leaning into the fingers running through his hair, his discomfort both in his lower back and from post-sex fading.

Thor shook his head softly but offered his brother a small smile. At least Loki had changed enough recently that he wasn't completely shut out. Currently, that was really all he could ask for.

 

**\--**

 

Thor paced the room repeatedly waiting for Sif to arrive. It was a habit he had when he was anxious, but this time he was anxious for a better reason. He was leaving with some of the other Asgard warriors to help in a battle of some sort; he didn't really care too much about the details. He just definitely needed somewhere to get some stress out and it sounded like the perfect place.

Remaining quiet as he watched Thor, Loki knew if he opened his mouth he would regret whatever the hell it was that came out. Obviously the blond wasn't thinking about the same things he was, and although he was worried that the fight might end badly, he knew his brother deserved to get his mind off of all this somehow. Plus he could always bring it up later. Or use it to his advantage - whichever the particular situation called for. Nevertheless, he wasn't exactly thrilled about the upcoming battle.

  
Sif arrived quickly, dressed in full uniform. She didn't even fully enter the room and motioned for Thor to follow her with a nod of her head. "Come along, then. We can't keep Heimdall waiting forever - nor the others already struggling for victory on their own realm."

"Right, right," Thor called back to her, excitement still evident in his tone. He took a deep breath first though and went to where Loki was standing. Since he was in his armor he couldn't exactly hold his brother but he leaned in to kiss him gently. "I will return soon," he breathed out the promise against the younger man's lips.

Despite still feeling somewhat cold at the idea, Loki nevertheless returned the gentle kiss, hand resting gingerly on Thor's armor. "Be careful," he forced out in a breath, holding back the other not-so-courteous words he wanted to say. If something bad were to happen, that certainly shouldn't be what his brother thought of him.

Cocking her head slightly, having never seen them kiss each other before, Sif wondered how it managed to work so well and seem so natural between them, although she could also tell that there was something bothering Loki. Deciding that thinking about the love life of her best friend wasn't going to benefit her in battle, she pushed it from her mind. " _Thor_ ," she urged.

"Of course." Thor responded to his brother, entwining their fingers momentarily before letting go of Loki's hand and giving him one last look. He turned back to Sif and went across the room. "Impatient a bit?" he teased her as they walked out the door. He tried to distract himself from the fact that he didn't like leaving Loki behind.

"Oh, hush, you would do the same for me if I was lagging behind saying goodbye to my _lover_ ," she purposefully breathed the last word just to push Thor's buttons as they made their way to the other warriors, a smirk on her face - Sif did quite like teasing him because she honestly couldn't find a reason to do it very often.

Thor scowled at her, trying to ignore the feeling he got when he heard someone else say it to him. "You definitely meant to say _brother_ there, I'm sure."

"Mmm, or did I?" Sif said and winked at him, returning quickly to seriousness as she met up with the others amongst the throng of warriors. "Are we about ready to depart?"

Still grumbling slightly towards Sif, Thor managed to rearrange his expression once he saw his other friends. "I hope so. I am ready to get out of here."

"So are the rest of us," Fandral said as he approached them both. He surveyed their small troupe before confusion darted his face, noticing that there was one body lacking who especially helped in the stealth department. "Why is Loki not here?"

Of course, it was then that Thor realized no one had bothered to come up with an excuse. He shot Sif a nervous look very quickly. "Loki isn't ... hm, uh, feeling too great right now. So ..."

Sif's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates meant specifically for Volstaag, not exactly fantastic at thinking on her feet, but was certainly better at it than Thor. It was at this moment she wished she'd have asked Loki for some sort of excuse. The jerk probably had plenty and had purposefully not told them. "Eir expressly told him to avoid physical strain," she finished, suddenly proud of herself cause it wasn't even a lie.

Thor was positive Loki had seen this hole in their plan from far away and was secretly laughing at them behind their backs right now. He attempted to not roll his eyes at the entire situation and instead nodded in agreement with Sif. "Yes, that is totally true. So it's just us. I hope we'll do." He tacked the last part on sarcastically.

"Hah, of course my friend, of course," Fandral said and gave Thor a manly pat on the shoulder. Sif exchanged a glance with her friend and shook her head with an almost smile on her face, both her and Thor knowing that Loki could have totally helped them out. Nevertheless, she quickly resumed seriousness and let out a warrior's "Ja!" before guiding her troupe into the chain of warriors and towards the Bifrost.

 

**\--**

Loki was honestly the first thing on Thor's mind as he finally returned home three days later. Of course they had been victorious and he felt better than he had in a long time ... but he also realized how much he hated being away from his brother. He immediately set off in search of him.

A doppelganger of normally dressed Loki found Thor quickly and stopped in front of him before motioning with his head and murmuring, "He's waiting for you in the nearby weapons closet." The doppelganger continued to follow the blond, Loki only making him disappear when he was sure no eyes were watching.

Slightly amused by Loki's interesting way of summoning him, Thor quickly went to the small room and ducked inside, knowing no one saw him, and shut the door behind him.

Even though only bare streams of light came into the room from the outside, Loki could still see the look on his brother's face and knew exactly what it meant, as well. "I need to keep up appearances," he explained matter-of-factly.

Hesitating only a moment, Thor approached his brother and held him carefully. "Loki." The sound was soft; obviously the tone was of relief. He'd needed to put his arms around the younger man again.

Loki let his hands rest on the armor at Thor's chest, nestling his face against his fingers and letting his brother hold him. "I'm thankful you're safe," he managed in a clearly strained voice.

Thor pulled back at that, tipping Loki's chin up to look at him. He searched his brother's green eyes intensely. "What's wrong?"

Opening his mouth as if to say something as he looked into Thor's eyes, Loki then shook his head and looked away, moving his chin away from his brother's touch. "I was just worried is all," he said even though that wasn't all. He was really getting sick of these mood swings but there was nothing he could do to stop them.

"Do you really think I'd believe that lie?" Thor asked, but the question completely lacked any malice. Instead it sounded more pained than anything.

"Not exactly, but I was certainly hoping, hence the point of lying," Loki retorted, the pained sound in Thor's voice only further convincing him that exposing his brother to the kinds of worries he'd been suffering the past few days was a bad idea.

There was a long silence before Thor finally spoke. "Why are you shutting me out again? I thought we had this out already." He still couldn't keep any of his emotions from playing out on his face or from being evident in his voice.

Loki definitely had to think for a moment on how exactly to answer that question, because Thor was right. They'd already had this type of conversation. They'd already come to a consensus. Yet Loki still wasn't exactly eager to lay all of his weaknesses bare. "Because it's so much," he finally managed. "It's hard to even describe what I've been going through the past three days."

"Please just talk to me .. I can't stand this. I don't want this between us." Thor murmured, practically begging his brother to open up for at least a little to him. "I've just returned."

"Exactly," he breathed but then shook his head. "Fine, okay. I was terrified for you to go." Loki pinched the bridge of his nose as if this was physically difficult for him to say out loud. "If something had happened to you, I would have had to finish this out entirely by myself, and I know you didn't want to leave me behind but I highly doubt you considered such a thing, being the war enthusiast that you are."

Thor caught up his brother's hands in his own and held them tightly. "You can call it recklessness or over-confidence, but if I wasn't completely sure I would be coming back to you, I would not have gone. And you very much underestimated me, Loki, if you think I left without realizing that."

Subconsciously squeezing Thor's hands, Loki still couldn't bring himself to look at his brother. The words were comforting and altogether true (he wasn't even sure if Thor could truly manage a lie) but it couldn't instantly take away the multiple days buildup of anxiety. "I seem to underestimate you a lot," he admitted aloud.

"I'm still sorry I caused you to worry this much. I had just assumed you knew that already." Thor leaned forward and kissed his brother's forehead. "This is why you should come talk to me."

"It's hard to ration with hormones," Loki said with a humorless laugh. "And I...confess, I think too much. I honestly do. Because those thoughts easily turn into you or even both of us potentially going off into battle in the future which much graver dangers and leaving the baby behind," he tightened his grip on Thor's hands as he continued, forcing his words out, because these worries weren't him or his careful show of character but they wouldn't go away, "and that turns into me realizing it might not even matter because there's a possibility the baby won't even be with us to know."

Thor had to swallow back anything he might have first said in response to that. Loki had gotten right to the point of his own thoughts that he never revealed. They both wanted the baby ... but he already knew it was never going to be. Instead he rubbed reassuring circles on his brother's hands with his thumbs. "You're just thinking too much for too long, you can't worry about that now. It's not good for you .. or the baby."

Closing his eyes, Loki shook his head, knowing his brother was right but the heavy feeling in his chest was not receding. He was quiet for what felt like an eternity, the words on his tongue but he just wasn't courageous enough to say them, and finally he opened his mouth and they spilled forth automatically, "I want it, Thor. I can't just give up my child..."

Unsure what to say at first, Thor simply put his arms around Loki before he managed to choke out an answer. "I know .. I know." He absolutely didn't want to hurt his brother any more than he already was.

Loki slid his fingers into his hair and gripped it hard, pressing his eyes against the bottom of his palms. He let his brother hold him as he tried so hard to calm his breathing, refusing to get any further emotional. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Getting attached this way was never part of his plan. Loki _hated_ when things didn't go as planned.

"Loki, stop." Thor said, softly, trying to gently move his brother's hands by entwining them with his own instead. His chest ached so painfully at seeing the younger man like this but he pushed back his own feelings and concentrated only on Loki.

" _I can't,_ " Loki responded in a tense voice, his fingers shaking within Thor's, his hormones ruling his life and his ration and logic which had always been his best friend going out the window. He briefly knew his mental state was dwindling and all he wanted was to get out of this pressure and into someplace where it didn't matter what he and his brother had done or what they had created, or whether or not they were even allowed to call it theirs.

Keeping their fingers locked tightly together, Thor tried to grasp what he wanted to say or even what to do. "I only wanted you to stop hurting yourself. You can be weak, I know you hate it, but everyone is weak at some point." He ran through options in his mind, something, anything to stop Loki's pain, even just temporarily. ".. maybe we could go away for awhile." He suggested suddenly.

Gasping softly, everything stopped for a moment and then Loki's eyes finally rose to his brother's. It had just been wishful thinking but he finally felt some relief inside his chest at the suggestion. "I...could we really?"

"Of course we can." Thor gave his brother a weak smile when their eyes met again. He brushed Loki's hair out of his face. "Anywhere you want. Just us."

"Oh, I need that," Loki said and leaned slightly into Thor, his voice breathy as he took in the older brother's touch. "I really need that."

"Then we're going, whenever you want to." Thor leaned down and kissed Loki softly, hoping his brother didn't notice his hands trembling the slightest bit. Everything honestly weighed on his mind far more than he let reflect on the outside. He promised the younger man he'd be strong though, and Loki had to be going through way more than him. So he'd keep silent.

 

\--

 

Loki sat by the riverside, his light and semi-sheer robes draped over his knees as he dangled his feet in the water. He leaned back on his hands, adjusting until he was comfortable, the elements around him soothing, which was incredibly helpful especially due to the fact that he personally felt like the baby had suddenly grown exponentially. But that could easily be his body exaggerating to him especially with the due date slowly approaching. Right now, it was nice to have the freedom to just be and not worry about it silently within himself.

Coming up behind Loki, Thor silently took a seat by his brother. He sat facing him and placed one of his hands over the younger man's. Loki had definitely seemed to improve now that they were away from everyone else and not having to hide constantly. He was still very tired and uncomfortable, but unfortunately, there wasn't much the blonde could do about that. He looked down at their hands as he rubbed his thumb gently along his brother's skin.

Letting a soft hum drop past his lips, Loki opened his eyes and turned to Thor with a gentle smile, something he didn't do often, truly giving away how comfortable he was here, to the point where he could drop his guard.

Thor met Loki's gaze and smiled back at his brother, not even quite remembering the last time he had seen the younger man so relaxed. He pushed some of Loki's hair out of his face, a constant habit he had now, mostly because it gave him an excuse to touch his brother at random times. "You look happy," he murmured.

Before Thor's hand retracted, Loki found himself leaning into the brief touch. "I am, actually," he admitted, the words tasting strange on his tongue. The younger shifted his gaze to the river, soaking up the sight with his eyes, then joking, "Try to name the last time that happened."

"I can think of a few other times," Thor teased back, his eyes also turning to where Loki's went.

Snorting slightly, Loki raised his hand and playfully shoved Thor's head. "Pervert," he murmured under his breath, although the lighthearted nature of their conversation was intensely refreshing especially when compared to the seriousness of their lives the past months.

Grinning back, Thor just laughed. "What? It's the truth." He insisted, resting his hands on his brother's leg.

"Indeed it is," Loki responded, biting his lower lip as he surveyed the hands on his leg. His gaze then traveled up those arms and straight into his brother's eyes.

"Loki .." Thor said almost involuntarily at the look his brother was giving him, his voice a bit breathless. "Really? I mean .. not that I .. really, Loki?"

Laughing slightly at the breathlessness of his brother's tone and his wide eyes, Loki shrugged and looked back to his feet moving slowly in the water once again. "I know, I know," he said before moving into a combination of wistfulness and reason, "It's just so gorgeous out here and we're finally away."

Twisting his fingers in the fabric of Loki's robe, Thor spoke quietly. "I just don't want to hurt you." He reached up to gently move his brother's face so their eyes were locked again. "I still _want_ you."

Loki let out a small moan at Thor's admission, squirming delightedly at the fingers in his thin robe. He slid his hand up his brother's neck and into his hair, murmuring in a husky tone that managed to hold genuine emotion as well somehow, "That was the _right thing_ to say, Brother..."

Thor leaned forward to connect their lips, already feeling a slight shiver at Loki's tone. His kisses were rushed and his fingers still clutched the fabric in his hand tightly. He finally broke for a breath, his hand sliding just inside the younger man's robe at the top to skim over his shoulder. "Mmm, we really have to go inside now ..."

Reveling in the kiss and shivering at the touch, Loki let out an overdramatic sigh at Thor's words after he pulled away. "I suppose there would be no convincing you this time," he teased. "Not that it took much the last time we found ourselves like this in a place where it shouldn't have happened..."

"That was different .. sort of." Thor reasoned, hoping the shudder that ran through him at the memory wasn't too visible. "Anyway, no, not this time." He said, standing and offering his hands to his brother to help him up. "I can be patient enough so that we can be somewhere softer than the ground."

Chuckling slightly, Loki slid his feet out of the water and shook them off before taking the offered hands and slowly letting them raise him into a standing position. "Ah," he said suddenly and moved a hand to his abdomen, "Little one did not like that."

"Hm, I wonder if we should feel indecent about doing this in front of a child," Thor said, placing a hand gently on Loki's stomach and giving him an amused smile.

"The child should be grateful for such an act," Loki murmured devilishly through a smile, leaning up and kissing Thor briefly. "Being that it wouldn't exist without it."

"True enough." Thor agreed, returning the kiss. He rested his hand in the small of Loki's back as they walked towards the nearby house. "We actually have to make it to the bed this time, brother." He casually added, glancing at the younger man out of the corner of his eye.

"If you say so," Loki lilted, leaning against his brother and kicking the door closed behind them when they _finally_ made their way inside. He leaned back slightly into the hand on his lower back as he did so and turned to look up at Thor, a mischievous tint in his eyes.

Thor definitely meant to keep directing Loki toward the bedroom but he found himself stopping when he caught his brother's look. "Just what are you planning?" He asked, a little annoyed with himself for wanting to find out.

Smirking, Loki said in an all too innocent voice, "My dearest brother, who says I was planning anything?" As he said this, he tugged Thor so the older brother was truly facing him, and he leaned up for another kiss while he slid his hands beneath the blond's tunic, teasing the immensely muscular skin with dancing fingers.

Making a noise against his brother's lips, Thor pressed into his hands. "Ah--" he broke the kiss. "How is that not planning anything?" The blonde almost stumbled over his words as Loki's fingers kept moving.

Devilishly chuckling a hot breath against their barely touching lips, Loki furthered his touches, his thumbs tracing the sensitive lines of his brother's muscles, murmuring, "Touching is by no means planning." Despite his words, Loki leaned up to murmur into Thor's ear, his eyes peeking to the floor behind them, "Although I have been thinking ever since we got here...doesn't that carpet behind us look _ridiculously_ soft?"

"Oh no, no Loki, not the floor," Thor protested, although he knew his brother was close enough to feel him tremble at the thought and know he was lying. It didn't help he wasn't very good at lying either.

"It's not the _bare_ floor," Loki retorted as a breath in his brother's ear, physically _feeling_ how well he was winning this argument. He nipped Thor's earlobe teasingly before pulling back and removing the older's shirt without any reservation.

"You do not play fair," Thor almost moaned, taking over his brother's lips as they moved back a bit towards the carpet Loki insisted would be fine. He carefully lowered the younger man to it before getting on his knees himself and kissing his brother fiercely again.

As they both carefully maneuvered him to the floor, Loki let out some semblance of a victory chuckle, accepting those lips graciously against his own, cupping Thor's face with his hands as he let out a strategically small moan into the kiss.

When Thor broke the kiss, his lips traveled to the curve of Loki's neck. "I hope you're happy," he teased before biting into the skin there lightly. His other hand slid up his brother's thigh, under his robe.

"Mmm, indeed I am..." the younger brother moaned breathily, letting his legs slide a little further apart at the touch to his thigh, finding it actually somewhat comfortable and relieving to the pressure of his pregnancy as he did so. Loki let his head fall back and exposed more skin for Thor to bite at, another soft groan passing his lips.

Still nipping at Loki's neck, Thor pulled his hand back and pressed his fingers lightly against his brother's lips. "If you don't mind .." he murmured.

Trying to hide the shiver that went through him as those fingers were pressed to Loki's lips and failing miserably at doing so, he slowly parted them and took Thor's fingers into his mouth with a low moan, his excitement increasing drastically.

Thor licked lightly at the small spots on his brother's neck that were slowly turning red, surreptitiously watching Loki. The feeling of the younger man's tongue running gently over his fingers was almost too much, and he tried to swallow back a quiet noise.

Loki continued to lather his brother's fingers, resting his hand gingerly on Thor's wrist as he teased the digits with his tongue, letting out a breathy and small groan at the attention the blond was paying to his neck. "Mmnn..."

Shuddering, Thor finally pulled his hand back, unable to take any more of that. He kissed Loki lightly before pushing his brother's legs apart and sliding his other hand down the inside of his thigh. "Lie back," he said, his voice thick with lust.

An appreciative moan fell past Loki's lips at the teasing touches from his brother, slowly letting himself lie back as he was told, his frame shaking at the tone in Thor's voice. His hands shakingly dropped to the floor and kneaded the soft carpet beneath them. "Yes..." he whispered quietly.

Pushing Loki's robe up just a little more, Thor slid the first finger inside him slowly. He was somewhat surprised that his brother's body didn't resist him much so he slid in the second one not long after.

"A-Ah," Loki faintly gasped, further hoping to tease Thor by sliding his hands up the carpet and above his head, gripping it as he further opened his mouth in a silent moan, relaxing himself against the stretch.

Biting down hard on his lip to keep from saying anything at all, Thor slid in the last finger and pressed them deep into Loki. Glancing up at his brother though, he let out a shaky breath anyway. Taking his fingers out gently, he leaned forward a little to speak. "Lie on your side this time, brother."

Opening his eyes to gaze at his brother through a lusty visage, Loki couldn't help the added twinkle in them. The suggestion was actually rather creative on top of being courteous. "Good idea," he said in a husky yet appreciative tone, maneuvering himself to his side, resting his head against his arm, the anticipation picking up his heartbeat.

Quickly shedding the light clothes he had on, Thor moved to lie down by his brother. He ran his hand down Loki's body, hitching the younger man's leg up at just the right angle so he could begin to push inside. He took in a sharp breath, the sensation different from any he'd felt before. He let it out with a slight hiss, his fingers trembling a little where he held his brother's leg.

When Thor moved into him, Loki's breath hitched in his throat and he felt his leg shake slightly in his brother's hold, although he was certainly unashamed because he noticed those fingers were also trembling. He'd never felt the older Asgardian at this angle before. He expelled his hitched breath quickly, the sound caked in lust as he gripped the carpet next to his chest with his free hand.

Pushing completely inside his brother, Thor let out another breath when he was pressed to Loki's back. He left a light kiss on the dark-haired man's neck. "Oh, you like it, huh, Loki?" he murmured into his brother's ear once he noticed the younger man's hand clutching at the carpet under them.

"O-Ohh, yes," Loki moaned without holding anything back, knowing full well that it would get to them both. His breathing was already somewhat labored just at trying to deal with the feeling and position before he gasped out, "Nngh...for the love of - _please_ , Thor, start moving -"

"Anything you want," Thor replied, not without a shudder at Loki's voice though. He did as he was asked, pushing back into his brother harder this time. His nails dug a little involuntarily into the younger man's leg as he fell into a set pace, so close to Loki that he knew his brother could hear all the moans he was making.

Loki gasped as his brother began to move inside him, his frame shuddering slightly before anticipating the pace and moving slightly with it. He leaned his head back so it was resting against Thor's collarbone, an intense and shaking moan falling off of his lips.

"Ah-- please," Thor urged his brother as he moved. "More, Loki," The words were gasped out pleadingly, both of them knowing how the younger man could easily control how things went when he wanted.

A breathless and husky sort of laugh ellicited from Loki at the request, almost as if he was refusing at first but honestly wasn't sure he could contain his pleasure especially since it had come on so quickly with such minimal discomfort. Short huffs of breath were already passing his lips with each thrust and eventually he groaned between them, feeling every part of Thor against him and therefore knowing how much it would affect his brother, " _Oh!_ Ah, _y-es_...faster, I can take you faster..."

Letting his head drop back a little, Thor let out a strangled moan at the honesty in Loki's voice before thrusting harder against his brother. "Ah-ah .. fast enough for you?" He could feel himself slide deeper into the younger man as they moved together and his nails dug into Loki's pale skin.

Feeling his short and jagged breaths pick up at Thor's pace, shuddering at the nails in his skin, Loki managed to moan loudly between them, "Ahng! Yes, _yes_ -" another deep gasp interrupted him, feeling them both shaking with pleasure against one another.

Biting down into Loki's neck again, Thor changed the pace again to short motions. His by now uncontrollable sounds were muffled against his brother's skin. He gripped the younger man's leg tighter, at least attempting to stop leaving scratches.

Loki clenched his hands into fists, pressing his knuckles hard against the carpet, by now gasping for breath. Every sensation was insane especially the sounds he both heard and felt against his skin, moving his hips as best as he could with the shorter and more deliberate thrusts.

Although his mind was very hazy, Thor somehow realized that he honestly thought there could never be anyone else in his life that he would ever want more than Loki. Maybe it was because they were brothers, he didn't know, but they just fit together almost perfectly. He let his control go for just an instant but that was enough. "Ahn, L-Loki .. yes .. oh, I need _you_ \--"

Thor's words got right into Loki's center and he shuddered intensely, the arm that he was resting his head against extending its grip to thread his fingers in his brother's hair as a response. For a long moment he felt he forgot how to use words, although eventually he managed to gasp out, " _So close..._ "

Thor moaned, moving against Loki harder if that were at all possible, attempting to hasten the younger man's release. "Come then, brother," he forced out breathlessly, in a tone almost like he was giving him permission.

 The command hit his ears and Loki didn't need to be told twice, fingers tangling in Thor's hair and the carpet, and he only took a few more thrusts before allowing a ravished moan to rip its way from his throat as he came.

 The sound of Loki's voice and his brother's fingers in his hair very easily managed to push Thor over the edge himself and he came soon after, the younger man's name on his lips.

As they both came down from the high together, still pressed just as close, Loki slid one hand to his heart to try to calm it as he also attempted to control his heavy breathing. "Wow," he eventually managed.

Thor brought his hand up to place it over Loki's, still trying to catch his own breath. "That was .. well, wow," he agreed with a small laugh at the end. "I'm sorry though .. about your leg, I mean." He glanced down to see the damage he'd done to it. "Luckily, I don't think you can see it well."

Chuckling slightly, Loki beckoned Thor down to his lips for a brief kiss, fingers resting gingerly against his brother's jawline. "I can assure you that I don't mind even a little," he breathed.

 "That's good then," Thor said, returning the short kiss. He placed his hand gently over his brother's stomach. "Everything okay here too?" He asked the question playfully to mask his actual concern.

 A slight smile played at the corner of Loki's lips and he let his hand rest on his brother's, pressing it against him just slightly further. "Everything is fine," he reassured.

Trying to not sigh in relief, Thor simply smiled back and leaned in to kiss Loki again.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally to the big event here, woah. Technical notes now, the birth itself isn't described in intense detail, although much research was done and debated upon. Basically, the baby comes out the way it went in. If you're much more curious, a little bit of googling will help you.
> 
> Also, I want to be polite here and put a trigger warning in for somewhat rough sex later on in the chapter, though it's entirely consensual. Please pay special attention to the note at the end of the chapter as it will pertain to the fifth chapter immensely and needs to be read, thank you so much. Due to comments on ff.net I will warn there is a missing part of the story which I sum up with an author's note partway through this chapter. I CANNOT retrieve the lost fanfiction, please do not ask. Half-credit goes to my former roleplay partner.

_**Heavy In Your Arms** _

_Chapter Four_

 

Times had been relatively stressful for Loki since returning from the vacation, mostly being spent pretending to sleep through his discomfort because the only alternative was being actively awake with Thor fussing and after a time, that was even worse. He was trying to stay level headed about the whole thing but he couldn't stop his nervousness - sure, he was eager to get the thing out because it had certainly been in there far too long, but he was uneasy about something going wrong. Tonight had started out with him pretending to sleep as usual until he felt Thor pass out next to him, but the aching feelings grew more intense and into pangs, particularly in his lower back, forcing him to sit up. It took a long while of deep breathing and mentally wrestling with himself before he accepted these were definitely not his usual pains. With a slight groan, he leaned over just slightly and shook his brother, hoping it was enough to wake the big lug.

Somewhere through his sleepy haze, Thor could feel someone pressing against his shoulder and since he only ever slept with Loki, he managed to surmise it had to be him. "Mmn, Loki, what's wrong?" he murmured, not opening his eyes.

Loki's face morphed into the perfect depiction of confusedly disgusted, wondering what kind of stupid question that was. He shoved Thor harder, which honestly wasn't really that hard being that if he leaned too much into it he'd force himself into even more discomfort. "You idiot, I'm having labor pains," he said through clenched teeth.

Thor sat up and attempted not to panic as he registered what his brother had said. He looked at Loki for what seemed like a long second. "I'm going to get Eir. I'll be right back." He really didn't want to leave the younger man but walking didn't exactly seem like an option.

"No, wait - " Loki began but by that time his panicked older brother was already out the door and Loki let out a frustrated sound as he dragged the pads of his fingers down his face. All he could really do at the moment was wait in any case. Alone and in pain. This was just peachy.

It didn't take Thor very long to find Eir and drag her back to Loki but he still had a very difficult time keeping clear-headed about it. In fact, he was pretty sure he might have scared the healer a little bit. He'd have to apologize for that later, but that was literally the last thing on his mind. All he could think about in those moments was his brother.

Pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand, face scrunched, Loki managed a wave at Eir with the other, letting out an uncomfortable sound as he did so. "You do know," he murmured somewhat tightly to Thor, "That it's not at any crucial point yet. She'll probably just be sitting with us for hours listening to me whine. Which is okay for me to do to you - since you got me into this and all," he half-joked.

"You know I'm no good when I'm half-awake," Thor replied with a slight scowl. Glancing at Eir, he leaned in to whisper to Loki. "I don't remember you complaining _when_ I 'got you into this' either." He added on, taking a seat by the bed.

Making a slight face and trying to keep it as a scowl despite being a little amused and grateful for amusement within pain, Loki pointed accusingly at Thor and retorted less seriously than his words sounded, "Alright - now? Not the time."

"Oh, you thought it was funny." Thor smiled at him. He let his voice drop off though so Eir could take a look at Loki at any rate, and she did indeed confirm they might be there awhile, but everyone was different so ... she sat down to wait as well. For it being the middle of the night, she was actually pretty cheerful about it. "See? Eir doesn't mind, so don't worry about it." It was much easier for the blonde to deal with everything by at least trying to act like he normally did. And he hoped it would make his brother feel a little less nervous as well. 

Nodding at Eir's confirmation, Loki rubbed his eyes and took a few deep breaths before again nodding at Thor's affirmations. "I still wish there were some way to speed up the process," he grumbled slightly, automatically sliding down a little further onto the bed, the pain in his back traveling lower by the minute and making it harder to remain actually sitting.

Thor didn't say anything in reply to that but wordlessly offered his hand to Loki. He wasn't sure if he wanted things to go faster; he wasn't sure of anything. He didn't know what was going to happen to Loki when the baby came and he didn't want to think about what would most definitely happen after. He'd already forced himself to give up on what he wanted: to have his own family with his brother. He didn't want the younger man to feel his negativity though, so he pushed back those feelings.

Letting out a sigh of - he wasn't exactly sure what, although there was certainly some part that was relief at the offered hand, Loki slid his own into his brother's, squeezing it gently and closing his eyes. He leaned his head back against the bedframe with a small unhappy groan, content to remain like this until he absolutely had to move.

Eir ran around for a bit then, trying to at least make Loki somewhat comfortable and keep an eye on how far apart his contractions were. Thor had honestly run out of things to say. He was tired and worried and finding it harder and harder to keep the emotions from his face. He kept his hand locked with his brother's, seeing as how it was really all he could do.

Over time, Loki felt his contractions become far more painful and closer together to the point where it was somewhat difficult to even realize what was going on around him. Eir was truly helping him physically and with emotional support, keeping him logically updated with everything that was happening despite the fact that there were moments where he was practically screaming. He kept holding Thor's hand, sometimes tighter and looser than others, part of him not wanting to worry his brother but the majority of him was in so much pain he didn't care and probably couldn't hold anything back anyway.

Reaching over with his free hand, Thor brushed some of Loki's hair out of his face. His familiar habit comforted him a little even though he wasn't sure his brother was quite aware enough to notice. He could imagine how pale he looked himself, keeping his teeth locked together and his hand in the younger man's. He had wanted to help Eir, but she had everything ready and under control (or so she said) and not-so-politely asked him to keep out of the way. He gritted his teeth together when he felt Loki's hand tighten around his own again. He couldn't describe how it felt to see his brother in so much pain even if he had wanted to. There weren't words enough for it.

"How long has it been?" Loki finally asked after what felt like days of near-constant pain although logically he knew it wasn't even nearly that long. He vaguely remembered knowing that his father was outside the room now, but Loki had no idea how he knew that or how Odin got there. All he knew was that he wanted this out of him now and he just hoped his body had accommodated enough by now especially considering he practically flat on his back by this point due to not being able to take the uncomfortable feeling. "Am I even near ready?" his voice was clearly already exhausted.

Eir finally nodded her approval, knowing Loki was already in alot of pain and they shouldn't wait any longer. Thor kept his eyes on his brother, their hands still locked together. He wished there was something, anything he could do but there was literally nothing. He held his hand to the younger man's face, which had changed to a color bordering on white, but when Loki's eyes were open, he could tell that his brother wasn't really seeing anything around him. The blonde wasn't even paying any attention to Eir anymore; he simply couldn't rip his eyes from the dark-haired man's face.

Colors were dotting Loki's vision as he tried to stay in the moment at least enough to push with Eir's advice and with the obvious, intense physical cues. In between he was trying to hold in his sounds of pain but just couldn't, even his deep breathing had long since flown out the window. Thor's comforting touch to his face helped him immensely, probably more than he'd ever admit out loud to anyone, otherwise he likely would have just given up on this ridiculous process. Nevertheless he continued when he was encouraged until he finally felt less pressure, silence, and eventually the sound of a baby crying. Normally the noise would annoy Loki immensely, but in this case it filled him with relief and he collapsed back against the bed with an exhausted sort of laugh.

Thor let out a sigh of relief when it was finally over for Loki and managed to register Eir telling them it was a boy. He leaned forward to leave a soft kiss on his brother's forehead. "It's a boy, Loki." he murmured, pushing the younger man's hair out of his face once again.

Loki smiled as he registered what had been told to him, raising a tired hand to lightly touch Thor's cheek. "A boy..." he repeated tiredly, instinct kicking in despite being half-dead to the world and asking, "and he's alright? He's healthy?" 

Odin entered shortly after he heard the baby start crying, initially asking Eir if Loki had made it through alright. He was visibly relieved when he received an affirmative answer and took the baby from the healer gently, looking down on his grandson fondly. Brushing aside what was obstructing the baby's face, his suspicion was confirmed when he just barely saw a brief blue tint to the skin itself, knowing he'd need to clean and disguise the child alone. When he returned his gaze to his sons he was initially tense at their close proximity but remained silent on the matter, given the circumstance. He promised them both he'd return shortly with the baby, receiving a grateful nod from Loki.

"Everything's fine, he's fine." Thor replied, holding his hand over Loki's. He fought the urge to tell his brother to rest because even in his state, he was pretty sure the younger man would refuse. "Hm, have you thought at all about a name for him?"

Running his thumb along Thor's cheekbone, Loki shook his head, eyes flickering between open and closed. "Not past the all of two times we talked about it..." he admitted, voice still quiet, "I'm still kind of hoping it'll hit me in the face when I see him," he finished, chuckling slightly.

"I hope so as well because I'm of the same mind. I don't have any real ideas." Thor said, giving his brother a small smile. "I'm just glad you're okay." The last part was spoken so softly, he wasn't quite sure if Loki had even heard it.

Barely having caught the words, but catching them nonetheless, Loki brought Thor down to his lips for a soft kiss, murmuring a reassuring "indeed, I am," into it. When they pulled away, he dropped his hand to prod his brother's chest and said in a breathy laugh, "And _never again_."

"Believe me, I never want to put you through that again," Thor agreed immediately. "Or myself for that matter." He held Loki's hand in his own again, squeezing it tightly.

"Oh, definitely. For a moment I thought you were paler than I was," Loki joked, his hand resting loosely and comfortably within Thor's, a nice change of pace from the hours where he was practically squeezing it off.

"I'm tempted to agree with you, although I know that's impossible. I think you had literally turned pure white at one point." Thor teased in return, entwining their fingers this time.

The younger brother snorted, squeezing Thor's fingers slightly, "Honestly, I don't doubt that...I barely knew what was happening for a large portion of it." Loki admitted with a shrug, honestly just relieved the whole process was over.

Just then, Odin returned, the cleaned up and healthy baby wrapped in a jade colored cloth, handling him gently and clearly already attached to him. The Allfather knew he had a lot to still think about. He approached the new parents with a knowing look on his face, prepared to hand the baby to Loki whenever he was ready.

Thor turned to his father a bit warily when he entered the room but instead choose to look at the child he was holding. His chest tightened a little bit when it really registered to him that it was his and Loki's _son_. "Loki," he finally managed to choke out. "Look."

Loki cocked his head slightly at the tone in Thor's voice before turning his head where his brother was motioning, gasping slightly and his eyes automatically lit up at the sight. As his father offered him the baby, Loki slowly adjusted himself into a better position to hold him but still not so much that it hurt himself too. He let Odin lay the baby gingerly in his arms, a soft breath escaping his lips as he regarded his son for the first time, a small but genuine smile playing its way just onto the corner of his lips.

Even though he was exhausted and pale, when Thor saw the look on Loki's face when he saw their son really for the first time, it really did take his breath away a little bit. He turned his eyes to the baby then, unable to do anything but smile as well. He leaned on the bed to gently put an arm around his brother, completely disregarding anyone else but the three of them for that moment.

Pressing a soft kiss to the baby's forehead, Loki took in the comfort of the three of them all together. He leaned back slightly to rest his head comfortably against Thor for a moment before returning his gaze to his son, thankful that his father wasn't saying anything about their proximity. After a few moments, Odin asked somewhat gently, "Do you know his name yet?" He was responded to with a soft laugh from Loki, amazed how that seemed to be such a popular topic, who then addressed Thor. 

"Remember how we kind of considered the name Àsleikr among others?" Loki asked while he rocked the baby slightly and proposed thoughtfully, "I think this is Àsleikr. Do you?"

Pausing and looking at the child in Loki's arms for a long moment, Thor nodded in agreement. "I believe this is definitely Àsleikr." He hesitated for a second but eventually carefully reached over to touch the baby's head gently. That very much made everything completely real to him. There would be no way he could ever think of Àsleikr as a mistake. It didn't matter that he and Loki were both male, or even that they were brothers. The child was as far from a mistake as possible.

Finally looking back to Thor for a moment when he saw his brother touch Àsleikr's face, Loki felt a half-smile and half-smirk form on his face at the look of apparent wonder on the blonde's face. "Look at you," he teased, "you love him."

"It's impossible not to," Thor replied honestly, smiling at Loki. "Besides, you looked at him the same way." he added with a teasing tone as well.

"Oh, hush, you," Loki conceded in a tone that wasn't nearly as harsh as his words. Turning back, he brushed the backs of his fingers along Àsleikr's cheek, tired but refusing to let his child go just yet, forcing himself to stay awake simply to notice him. It was yet another sentiment he'd never admit to another person but didn't truly mind accepting within himself.

 

**\--**

 

When Loki was finally healed enough to walk without reinjuring himself, he wasted no time in getting on his feet (despite Thor not exactly being thrilled with the idea, the overprotective person that he was), but he had also not been without Àsleikr since his son's birth. He kept mostly to himself with the exception of his brother and occasionally his other family, but he was far too fascinated with the baby and he wasn't sure if he even wanted anyone else to see how much, on top of everything else. Holding the baby gently, Loki made his way to the balcony to breathe real air and feel the remnants of the sea mist on his face.

Following Loki out onto the balcony, Thor almost gave up attempting like he wasn't following his brother. The younger man knew and he was probably getting annoyed by it, but he couldn't stay behind. Even when he tried, he found himself by Loki's side again anyway. It had actually been weeks and there was still no word on what their father had decided on. And as much as the blonde tried to crush it, the vain hope that they'd be allowed to stay together sometimes rose up in him still. He let out a soft sigh at his thoughts, his eyes focused on the dark-haired man's back.

"You don't have to hide behind me, Thor," Loki said knowingly, not turning to look at his brother, instead tucking the fabric of Àsleikr's wrap beneath his chin to better see the baby's face. He had just recently woken up but was strangely enough in a calm state, alert and taking in the world. "Well, now, look at you," Loki said, trying to sound more logical than affectionate, "already so curious."

Thor just shook his head and moved to stand next to his brother instead. He looked at Àsleikr and felt himself smile. Placing his hand in the small of Loki's back, he drew his eyes out to look out over the land instead. It was really hard for him to pull his mind away from what was inevitably going to happen, but he couldn't say anything to the younger man, he couldn't hurt him that way right now. Loki was so happy ... he swallowed back another sigh. He really needed to stop.

Cradling Àsleikr in one arm, Loki turned to look at his oddly quiet brother, resting his free hand gently on Thor's arm. "Hey, now," he said. "Why so much seriousness? It's very unlike you. Honestly, I'm getting a little unnerved by it," the younger brother teased.

Looking into Loki's green eyes, Thor could manage a believable a smile. "Oh, what, I can't be serious once in awhile?" he teased back. He leaned in to give his brother a light kiss.

Loki hummed slightly into the kiss, completely convinced that Thor was hiding or keeping something from him, but before he could pull away and call him on his ridiculousness, he heard Àsleikr made a protesting noise in his arms and he cracked up against his brother's lips. "I guess we did already scar the poor thing," he joked in reference to their activities while he'd been with child.

Thor laughed at that, reaching over to gently touch his son's face. "He's fine. And he should be fine with seeing his parents kiss." He murmured the last part before withdrawing his hand. How could every little thing remind him of the future? He returned his hand to Loki's back and kept his expression even.

It was at that point that Loki _truly_ realized something was wrong, being that Thor couldn't even touch their son without withdrawing into himself. He reached out and pressed his index finger beneath his brother's chin, forcing the blond to look at him. "What is it?" he asked as he searched Thor's eyes.

It took a moment for Thor to even answer; he twisted his fingers in the fabric of his brother's clothes without thinking. "It's nothing for you to concern yourself with, Loki." he said softly, making sure his tone was gentle. "I'm just a little .. worried, but that's my problem."

"You've known me for how long, brother, to know that when you tell me not to concern myself I never listen?" Loki asked, moving to rest his free hand on the tense fingers entwined in his clothing. "You always try to protect me from you, but you can't because you're stuck with me," he attempted a light-hearted tone at his last words.

"I don't mind being stuck with you," Thor replied, a smile crossing his face temporarily. He couldn't meet Loki's eyes when he spoke though, but he had to answer. "I'm just .. worried about .. father." He tried to edit as much information out as he could without actually having to lie.

There was a long moment of silence before Loki simply said, "Ah. I see." It was true that it had crossed the younger brother's mind as well, but for the sake of Àsleikr and also with his blind affection for the boy, he had successfully found ways to not dwell on it constantly. He wanted to cling to hope. But apparently Thor had been doing enough worrying for the both of them.

Stealing a glance at Loki's expression, Thor honestly felt horrible but there wasn't anything else he could say. He attempted to rub his brother's back reassuringly. "I'm sorry .. I didn't want to bring it up." he murmured. "You don't have to think about it."

"I should be, though," Loki murmured, leaning into Thor slightly and humming into the touch on his back, returning to holding his son with both hands. "It isn't like me to live in an illusion. At the same time...you should try to separate Àsleikr from potential sadness," he murmured in a voice that was tense with trying not to shake, the looming uncertainty of Odin's final decision making him emotional but honestly his brain was stubbornly refusing to accept the fact that it might be a reality and spoke of it as such, "If we do end up only having so much time - you don't want regrets."

"You're right .. as usual." Thor conceded. He gave his brother another small smile and leaned over his shoulder to look at Àsleikr again. "Pretty, isn't he?" He touched the child's face again. "Like you." The blonde added on to the end, his tone neither teasing nor overly serious.

Snorting, Loki rolled his eyes, trying to concentrate on the new subject and not the tightness in his chest. "I am certainly not 'pretty,' although I will admit he does resemble me." There was another pause as his gaze concentrated on Thor's hand against their son's face. "He has your eyes, though," Loki murmured softly, almost hoping he wasn't heard.

"Hm, I guess he does." Thor replied, looking as Àsleikr blinked up at both of them. He turned and kissed his brother's cheek softly. "I love you, Loki." he whispered.

Loki leaned into the lips on his cheek, smiling very faintly and murmuring, "I know you do." He turned to rest his forehead against Thor's, continuing softly enough for only his brother to hear, "I love you, too."

Thor connected their lips again, his chest literally feeling tight at Loki's words. His brother hardly ever said that, not even to him when they were alone. And right now, he really appreciated hearing it.

Extending his neck further into Thor's lips due to both of his hands being occupied with the baby, Loki let out a soft humming moan from his throat. He hoped his point would actually be regarded by his brother, and that they could enjoy this time, but he was all too familiar with giving advice and having Thor promptly ignore it. It was part of his charm.

 

**\--**

 

Thor felt sick, absolutely sick as he entered the room where their father was with Loki. He had a carefully arranged blank expression but he was unsure how long he'd be able to keep it there. The decision had been tormenting him for days upon days but he'd come to a firm final answer he would not waver on, regardless of his own personal wants. They were nothing compared to how he felt for his brother. He glanced at the younger man out of the corner of his eye, not positive what was on Loki's mind, but he could make a pretty good guess.

"Thank you both for coming," Odin began in a quiet tone, which automatically caused tension in Loki - the youngest son was bracing himself for the worst despite the fact that his heart and mind still couldn't actually fathom it. The Allfather continued, "I have called you both to discuss the conclusion I have come to, and I expect you to listen before comparing it to your own." There was a long moment of silence following this where the air was so painfully tense that it was tangible within the quiet.

In his life, Thor had already been in many battles and he never had any fear that he would lose. He was always confident. But this terrified him more than he'd ever been in his life. He already gritted his teeth, looking up at his father a bit coldly, really. He could pretty much feel Loki's anxiety rolling off of him in waves.

"Although this is not easy for me, you must know," Odin said, noticing Loki's visage turn even paler if that was even possible, "I believe that the child would be safer in a realm far away from ours. Letting this get out could not only ruin your lives, but Àsleikr's childhood as well. It wouldn't only subject him to ridicule but legitimate danger as well. My decision is not a punishment."

Loki inhaled sharply, fighting the tears that stung his eyes as the words came from his father's mouth and were suddenly a reality. His voice was weak as he spoke but couldn't help himself from beginning a protest, "Father, I -"  
  
"I know you disagree, Loki, and I cannot blame you. But that means we are at an impasse. And while I can force you, and I assure you, I would do so in order to see come to pass what I believe is best for my _entire_ family, the tipping scale now rests with Thor," the Allfather finished, turning his gaze to his eldest son. Loki's gaze quickly turned to him, too, a momentary flutter in his heart, although he did not dare to truly hope.

As both his father and his brother turned their eyes towards him, Thor stared back, trying to quickly process, once again, situations and results. Even if he sided with Loki, there was no way they'd escape some form of a punishment. They had 'shamed' their father and he'd have to do something. And the kind of life Àsleikr would end up having .. and Loki .. ' _ruin your lives_ ' honestly kept going around in his head. He could care less about his own, but his brother was already a sort of outcast .. it would just get worse. His decision would have nothing at all whatsoever to do with what he wanted. He only wanted to protect the people he loved. Glancing at the younger man, he wavered for a moment. The consequences of this were very grave. Loki would probably never forgive him. He swallowed hard. He'd have to endure it. For his brother's sake, at the very least. Feeling somewhat detached from reality, like something heavy was crushing him, he finally turned to his father with an emotionless look. "Àsleikr would have a better, normal life elsewhere .. there is no other choice to make." And with that, he attempted to seal off what was left of his heart.

The intense pang of betrayal found and nestled its way into Loki's heart, disbelief written on his face as if this entire day must be a dream. The nightmare he'd been dreading for so long could not be turning into reality like this. His brother wouldn't just give up so quickly, and yet here he was, sentencing their own son somewhere else. Unable to even voice his anger and disappointment, Loki simply rose to his feet and turned on his heel, fully intent on leaving when he heard his father call to him in protest.

"No!" Loki shot back and swiftly turned back to his father and Thor, tears of hurt and disappointment simmering in his eyes - he would not let them see tears of true sadness. "I suppose I thought too much of you. I thought as a parent you would understand the need to be near your own child to protect them, but I guess you can't even fathom that kind of love-"  
  
"If you truly love him, Loki, you will let him go," Odin said firmly but also in a soothing and wise tone, trying to take the younger son's hurtful words in stride. He wished Loki could see truly why this had to be done, but that was still something he was protecting them both from, and it was only in this moment that he was wavering on keeping the secret for any longer, but eventually resolved on standing his ground. "You will have a few days to say goodbye to Àsleikr as I find him a home. You will not run away with him, lest you wish to face consequences for you both."  
  
" _Consequences_ ," Loki spat mockingly. "What else do I have to lose from you people?" He hoped it hurt them to hear him speak like this. He hoped it got to them deeply because it was all they deserved from him at this point. Obviously they wanted him to live in hell if they were taking away the only thing that had ever completely put everything into perspective for him. His expression was defiant towards his father before he gazed long and hard at his brother, awarding his choice with a cold silence, before leaving the room behind him with only the clicks of his heels against the floor to announce his departure.

Thor crossed his arms over his chest as if that would help keep him together. He watched Loki disappear, staring after him as his footsteps slowly faded. He might never be able to explain to his brother why he made the decision he did .. he wasn't sure if the younger man would even let him try. The only thing he could do now was not let himself experience this type of weakness again. And somehow, move on. "I hope you're happy." His voice didn't have any emotion in it at all. He was simply devoid of anything for the moment. He left as well, hoping he could return to his own room before he fell apart, as he was sure it was inevitable.

 

**\--**

_(I want to explain that there was originally a fic of sorts here but I no longer remember the details, nor do I own the text or have any way to recall it. Apologies. Basically, Thor attempts to talk to Loki a final time, in which Loki breaks off any romantic relationship they had and refuses to even ever consider forgiving his brother. Thor's reaction to it isn't much better, and the person he was in the beginning of this story ceases to be for a good amount of time. Let us carry on. Again, much apologies for the lack of more information.)_

**\--**

Loki was tired and emotionally exhausted, and he found his feet carrying him almost automatically to Thor's door. He had reserves about going in because he'd sworn in their icy encounter that he would do this anymore, that they wouldn't do this anymore (just like their father had wanted), but there was no one else that would even be able to listen to him, really. It was a way to get out the hurt and that ugly part of betrayal that had been festering inside him was hoping it would cause just as much pain once it was out in the open, while another part was simply aching for the man that he knew he still cared for but could never forgive. Without knocking, he opened the door to his brother's room and slipped inside, shutting it as quietly as possible behind him and standing with his back leaning against it.

Thor sat up and looked through the darkness. Of course he had heard the door close. He was beyond surprised to see a familiar silhouette there. He dug his nails into his palm, a spasm of anger coursing through him. He used to have better control of it, but recently he had ceased to care anymore. "Loki." It was an acknowledgment rather than a question. He forced back the small pangs of pain at seeing his brother and instead drown it in the anger still running through his veins. It was just easier.

"I can't sleep," Loki breathed, wondering why this was spilling off of his lips when he knew that they both didn't want to see each other. He figured he needed it somehow, to let everything flow off of him without any pretenses, without trying to step on eggshells with his words, because he didn't care what anyone thought of him right now, "I keep thinking I hear him crying..."

Letting out a soft sigh, Thor pushed his nails against his palm harder to keep from saying the first thing that came to mind. He clenched his jaw, not trusting himself to speak. His anger would win now, not the part of him that loved Loki more than he even knew himself. He sat up, moving until his back hit the wall behind him. The blonde made a motion inviting his brother to sit if he wanted.

There was a moment where Loki wasn't sure if he was going to leave or stay, but eventually moved to sit at the end of Thor's bed, fully aware how unhappy they both were. He pressed his thumbs to either side of the bridge of his nose, exhaling deeply and letting his elbows rest on his knees.

"I thought you said you weren't going to come back." Thor tried to keep his voice even but it still shook with suppressed emotion. The same sympathy and leniency he used to give his brother had all but washed away to him at this point. He wasn't completely heartless but he had closed off what he had left.

Tensing at the multitude of tones in his brother's voice, Loki turned to look at him and the first thing he really noticed was Thor's eyes in the moonlight. There was a hardness in them he'd never seen and for a long moment, he considered leaving again. In fact, he kept considering leaving but for some reason he couldn't will his legs to move. "Force of habit," he whispered for lack of better response.

"You _can_ break habits if you try." The reply was sarcastic and cold. Somewhere in Thor the ache for his brother couldn't completely be smothered no matter how hard he tried, but in no way did any of it reach his face or voice to give him away.

"And I'm assuming you want me to try?" Loki retorted, realizing the more he woke from his trance that this was definitely a mistake. He was angry at himself for letting that instinct lead him here, his innerworkings bare, and he needed to take it out somehow on the cold person in front of him that looked like his older brother, knowing he would either get no reaction or a painfully intense one with no gray area, "Why? Does it just burn that we weren't nearly as strong as you thought we were?"

"Like you know anything that I think." Thor replied bitterly. "You're the one who made it fairly clear you wanted nothing to do with me, and then you just appear in my room. Make up your mind." He said the last few words through gritted teeth. How easily he lost his patience now ...

"That has nothing to do with my habits or how successful I will be at my attempts," the younger said just as harshly back before sneering, just trying to push Thor, "although I suppose you wouldn't know what that's like. You seem to be awfully good at making up your mind."

Leaning forward to get closer to Loki, Thor slammed his hand to the bed, still curled in a fist. "You didn't want to listen to what I had to say, so you have no right to say anything like that." His words were spoken rapidly, his expression somewhat close to his brother's most likely.

"How would listening have helped? It still wouldn't change what you've done!" Loki shot back, shifting his position on the bed to also get closer to Thor, his blood boiling and these releases satisfying, anger was a much easier way to deal with himself than actual grief. "Of course I wouldn't want to listen to your excuses, of course I would want to hurt you in return - "

Thor grabbed ahold of Loki's shirt and pulled him forward. "Why? Did hurting me in return really make you feel any better? Did it change anything that happened?!" He stopped a bit short in his rant when he realized just how close their faces were now, but his hand stayed tightly grasping his brother's clothes.

Loki gasped heatedly as he was pulled towards Thor, his eyes surveying the older brother's face and realizing how close they were. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides and he took deep breaths in the silence through the tension, knowing they were bending it so hard it was only a matter of time before it broke.

No matter how angry he was, no matter how much he didn't want to see his brother right now, that one gasp from Loki still rushed through him like fire. Thor searched the intense green eyes looking back into his for only a moment, and without ever really making a conscious decision to, he found himself clutching the younger man and pressing their lips together.

The moment those lips found his, Loki let out a tortured moan but found himself kissing back feverishly, swiftly moving to straddle Thor and shove the bigger man back down against the bed, keeping their lips locked in a whirlwind of resentment and need. He hated this, he very consciously hated that he still wanted his brother so much, but his instinct couldn't deny himself even a moment.

Not even really having time to be surprised that Loki responded to him, Thor found himself under his brother, their kisses needy and rough. He slipped his hands up under the younger man's top, practically ripping the fabric in his haste to get it off.

Eliciting a desperate and loathsome groan at the feel of Thor's hands, Loki helped eagerly shrug himself out of the garment, throwing it mercilessly on the floor. He broke the kiss for a mere moment to gasp for breath, biting harshly at his brother's lower lip before reconnecting them.

Thor let out a low moan when he felt his brother's teeth sink into his lip. He twisted his fingers into Loki's hair and pulled hard on it as he kissed back, before his fingers slid down. His nails scratched along the younger man's perfect pale skin as he rushed to remove the rest of Loki's clothes.

A purposeful cry made its way from Loki's lips as those nails scratched painfully and amazingly at his skin. He shifted to better allow Thor to remove his clothing, his own fingers moving to nimbly and furiously undo his brother's trousers, breaking the kiss to bite and lick along his blond's jawline, then attacking his neck and his collarbone.

Taking in a sharp breath at his brother's lips on his skin, Thor took advantage of the younger man's distraction to quickly make three of his fingers slick before sliding them between Loki's legs and back to push one inside. He pushed it in harder, not waiting too long before pressing in the second.

"Mmnn!" Loki moaned against his brother's collarbone, biting harder at the skin between his teeth, his legs shaking in their straddling position as he moved his hips down more against Thor's fingers, another uncensored sound escaping him.

Pushing the last one in, Thor gasped not only at the teeth in his skin, but his brother's loud responses. He pulled his fingers out and hurriedly shed the rest of his clothing completely. He gripped Loki's hips, letting his fingertips sink in as he guided the younger man down onto himself rather quickly, moaning at the sensation of it.

Loki let his head fall back as he felt his brother quickly fill him, shaking the hair out of his face with a deep groan, his fingernails moving to scratch at the older's chest. Taking a few gasping breaths as he was fully lowered onto Thor, Loki began to move, quick, short, circular, sure to drive them both mad, wishing it could help him forget everything as well but he knew they were far too stubborn and emotional for that.

"L-Loki .." Thor shuddered, his back arching off the bed just a little. He had not expected that at all. Holding his brother's hips even tighter, he took control of the motions, moving the younger man down hard against him. He watched Loki's face through the darkness, catching his expression just barely in the moonlight.

"Ah- _Ahh_!" Loki moaned as Thor's hands guided his hips, his own hands shaking and curling into fists against his brother's chest. His head fell forward once again, sweat already glistening against his skin as the brothers moved fast and hard together, Loki's breath turning jagged.

"Mm, Loki, look at how bad you still want me." Thor murmured darkly, his nails now digging into his brother's hips. He kept his tight hold on them, bruising the pure white skin first to red, knowing it would eventually fade to purple. No matter how much time passed, neither of them would truly ever be able to forget each other; that they did exactly what brothers were forbidden to do. It was impossible to erase.

Just for something to protest, Loki gasped out a husky " _No_ ," an unconvincing lie just for the sake of being a lie, his eyes squeezing themselves shut because he didn't want to see his brother's powerfully blue gaze. He unclenched his hands again and pressed the bottoms of his palms deeply into Thor's chest, both of them claiming and bruising each other as their pace became recklessly fast.

"Ah, and I thought you were supposed to be a good liar." Thor's words were gasped out now. There was no way he could be wholly unaffected by the pace they were going at. He was lying himself; he wanted Loki just as bad. Once he had thought there would never be anyone he'd want more than his brother. It pained him now to know that still held true. He moaned slightly at the thought, more emotion coming through in it than he intended.

"You - _ha-ah_ \- you wish it...were true...just as much as I do," Loki moaned desperately, finding it difficult to call his brother out on his ridiculousness in the position he was in, but he found it helped them more with everything they were doing just now, forcing his eyes open to stare down at Thor and gasping out his remaining words, "But...we know - it's not -"

Instead of even remotely searching for any kind of answer to that, Thor switched their positions before Loki would have time to protest. He flipped his brother backwards so the younger man's shoulders were pinned to the bed but his legs were still up around the blonde's waist. He moved into Loki harder, knowing he'd be hitting the right spot at the angle he was at.

"Oh!!" the younger brother moaned without abandon, his head pressing back into the pillow as he practically punched the headboard behind him, Thor absolutely attacking that familiar bundle of nerves inside of him, and Loki had no reserves and was holding nothing back, not even caring if all of Asgard heard them. He wanted both hurt and pleasure and he was letting himself have it, especially as he tightened his legs around the blonde and purposefully tensed his muscles as well.

Thor choked out Loki's name as his brother reminded him that he was never in full control when they were together. The sounds the younger man made urged him on, the familiar fire spreading through his veins again. The blonde shuddered against Loki; his voice was almost too much. He responded by making his motions shorter and harder if that were at all possible.

Loki hit and scratched the headboard repeatedly, rocking his hips into each deliberate thrust, each one knocking out an individual gasp or moaning sound, knowing he wouldn't be able to take much more but he didn't want it to be over, their minds clouded in such an intense sexual haze, he was terrified of what might happen if they let themselves come down from this.

By this point, even Thor's body was starting to plead for it to end but he could feel his brother trying to hold on. Biting down hard on his own lip, he moved his hand to stroke Loki in time with his motions, trying to force him to come first. They simply couldn't prolong this anymore even if they both dreaded the aftermath of it.

Taking a shuddering and intense gasp as Thor stroked him, Loki held his breath as if trying to hold on, but there was absolutely no way and as he was finally pushed over the edge, he let out the breath, all of his tension releasing as he came, barely even able to ride out his aftermath to pull his brother with him past the brink.

Thor came almost directly after Loki as he was barely holding on himself. He literally shook against his brother, the intensity of it surprising him. Gasping for a breath, he still gently lowered the younger man to the bed when he pulled away, even after all they had just done. Instead of laying by Loki though, he sat back next to him, unable to collect his thoughts in that moment.

As he came down from the high, surprised by the gentle way Thor had let him down against the bed, Loki had to put his hand over his heart just to make sure it was still in place and not actually in his ears. As his breathing attempted to calm, he wiped some of the sweat off of his brow, opening his eyes to look up at the blond, who in sitting felt thankfully almost eons away from him. The haze in his mind began to clear and he felt a sinking feeling that they'd made a huge mistake, however amazing it had been.

Running a hand through his hair, Thor kept it there as he finally began to process what had just happened. What they had just done changed nothing. He still felt the same anger well up in him that had been there earlier. In fact, he felt a slight twinge of disgust towards himself for taking Loki in the first place .. and that his body wanted someone who had hurt him so much. He sighed to himself, tightening his fingers in his own hair.

The silence that settled between them got worse with each passing second, as they both processed what they'd fallen into. It was incredibly unfortunate for Loki, because he knew full well that he was basically stuck here. He could be stubborn and try to stand and leave but he knew he would probably topple over and look like a complete idiot regardless. And right now, this was the last place he wanted to be, especially feeling the anger and upset coming off of Thor in waves, heightening his own.

Avoiding looking in his brother's direction, Thor got up and found his pants, sliding back into them quickly. He snatched up a tunic he had been wearing earlier in the day and slid it on as well. "I don't suppose you want to be around me right now," the blonde began, breaking the oppressing silence. "And you probably can't walk so you can leave. So, I'm going to go out to give you time." He managed to keep his voice even, still not looking directly at Loki, but kind of past him. He was met with another silence, so he shrugged and turned towards the door.

For a long moment, Loki wasn't sure exactly what to say to Thor's words, those eyes somewhere else entirely. He wasn't sure how he felt, part of him enjoying the fighting because when he was alone he heard the crying of a baby that wasn't there but still needed him. This wasn't something he'd say, because he was past begging Thor for anything. "Whatever you think is best," he replied somewhat coldly, the irony of his words not lost on him.

Thor stopped and looked back, finally meeting his brother's eyes. They held gazes for a long second before he turned away again. He knew the younger man would be able to read the emotion on his face. It wasn't anger and it wasn't sympathy. It was simply pity. And he was sure, to Loki, that was probably the worst thing he could do. He left, not even slamming the door behind him.

The absolute _pity_ in Thor's eyes grated Loki to the point where he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep regardless. He would not accept pity, he didn't want pity, and yet those eyes held that emotion until the door quietly shut behind him. Loki let out a primal yell of frustration and threw one of the pillows at the back of the door, not that it would do any good, but he needed anything to loosen the crushing feeling in his chest for the things he lost and the fact that he couldn't make Thor feel any of it except for pity _to him._ Although he wouldn't have been able to say it was true just minutes before, it certainly felt true now, and he called out to the closed door, hoping that Thor was still in earshot somehow, " _You disgust me!_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone asks, no, Loki's not pregnant again. In the context of the fic, there's a drink/potion that acts as a form of birth control if taken before/shortly after sex. Obviously before he had the baby, he didn't know he needed it, but it's not an issue right now.
> 
> Moving on from where this chapter is ending: Years pass, and Loki and Thor, though not remotely forgetting what has happened, return to having simply a brotherly relationship and remaining friends. Although, Loki has been slowly slipping away mentally during that time, despite fighting it. He's attempted to find Àsleikr secretly but still has no clue where he is. By the start of the movie, Àsleikr is at least eighteen years old if not older. 
> 
> What I would love, love, love for you guys to do is to go now and rewatch Thor. But instead, keep in mind the events of the roleplay as if they're canon. There's a specific line that their mother says to Loki, and then the look on his face in reply, that fits in scarily well and is crushing to see. I think it really adds to the story, but do try to do that if you can find the time. It's interesting at the least to see it from a different angle. I'm not going to update for a bit longer most likely to give people a chance to do that. Thanks so much for reading, honestly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope some of you got a chance to re-watch Thor since my last update, do tell me if you did get to watch it and what you thought if you have the time. More sincere apologies for the apparent lack of good storytelling in my last chapter. There's a few things I must workaround due to personal events that are a bit painful to be honest. I do not have the missing part of the story, and I cannot recover it. Hopefully things smooth out from here on.
> 
> There is no actual story content from the movie; instead it had been re-watched with the plot in mind. Sorry if this disappoints anyone, I didn't really think about it. Again, this is AU from the Avengers. So the Bifrost is currently being rebuilt and the movie "Thor" has happened in the context of the story. That is our starting point. Half-credit goes to my former roleplay partner.

_**Heavy In Your Arms** _

_Chapter Five_

 

Thor walked quickly to where his father had summoned him to, still wondering what it could be about. He knew they were working on repairing the Bifrost, perhaps it was complete? But why would he call him over in person to speak about that? He frowned. Maybe ... he shook his head and diminished any unwanted thoughts. He'd gotten far better at that over time. Entering the room, he looked at his father curiously. "Father? You wanted to see me?"

Odin seemed deep in thought and almost surprised to hear his son's voice, a rare occurrence for the wise king. "Yes, of course," he affirmed, trying not to sound lost. He stood from his throne. He beckoned for Thor to follow him and made his way to the balcony, watching the very last repairs on the Bifrost, hoping his son was ready for everything he was about to ask of him. But he'd seen the time away had made Thor wise. He was confident he could handle it.

Following his father out onto the balcony, Thor looked out to the Bifrost with him. It did look almost complete at this point. "Are the repairs almost finished?" he asked, still positive that's not why he was there.

"Yes," the Allfather affirmed with a nod of his head, "as we speak they are all but done." He took a breath, still staring out for a long moment before turning to face Thor. "And not a moment too soon."

"Too soon? What do you mean?" Thor's chest tightened slightly. His father's words sounded ominous. He could only assume this had something to do with ... "Loki?" The name escaped his lips and he cringed. He had been avoiding thinking about his brother. It hurt too much, for far far too many reasons.

"Again, yes. There was a momentary lapse in what we've learned to be his rather skilled cloaking and Heimdall caught his scent somewhere in Midgard. It was a brief moment, but it was all he needed. Loki is no longer himself," Odin said, trying not to let the guilt slip into his voice. "That much was clear. There is no telling what he's planning to do."

Crossing his arms, Thor took a moment before he spoke. "I'm sure right now, he's capable of anything. Do you have any idea what he might be trying to do? Or how to stop him?" He frowned. He didn't want to fight Loki; he didn't want to fight him before and he still didn't. They remained brothers .. regardless.

Odin shook his head. "His ends and his goals are still shrouded to us. We probably don't even know what he's capable of by this point." The Allfather let out a long breath before treading the next area very carefully, his voice as soothing as possible, "But you know there's always going to be one constant objective among many changing ones in the back of his mind. And I think...that might be the key to stopping him, or at least trying to get him to listen to reason once again."

It took Thor maybe seconds to know what his father was talking about. The one thing left that Loki loved more than anything else. "Àsleikr." His voice came out in a whisper. He didn't even remember the last time he had said his own son's name. He had to pause while a rush of emotions and memories flooded him for a moment. Swallowing hard, he looked at his father again. "I have to ask even though I probably already know the answer .. is Loki's true birth the real reason you sent him away from us?" He had really only put together those two pieces of the puzzle that minute considering how much he had been through recently. Before he even received an answer, he found himself asking another question. "Why didn't you just tell us?"

"Because I was trying to protect you both," Odin responded to Thor's second question first. After a long moment, he took a deep breath and confirmed the first question as well, "There was hope for peace with Loki raised as one of us...but if Laufey had learned of a baby naturally born with the power of both worlds - the treaty would have been void long before we'd have had time to react."

Turning everything over in his mind repeatedly, Thor could see the logic in what his father did. Àsleikr was safer on another world, rather than in Asgard. But when it came down to it, that one lie was the thing that took his son away, that eventually ripped their family apart, that made himself and Loki unable to have any sort of stable relationship. He leaned on the balcony for support, looking away from his father. He could say nothing.

As the Allfather watched his son's physical reaction, knowing it was just to bend enough to keep the emotions from being too much, he felt a slight ache in his heart, faltering for a brief moment as if this were too much for Thor, but keeping his confidence. He did, however, admit, "I am sorry, Thor. For all that has come because of this. But I was doing, as we all do, what I believed was the best."

"I know." Thor finally replied, his voice heavy. Clearing his throat, he looked at his father once again. "What is it that you have in mind that has to do with Àsleikr exactly?" he asked, getting straight to the point.

Odin looked out for a moment, taking a breath as he tried to figure out how to word this. "The threat of Laufey is no longer relevant," he began with, before continuing carefully, "I think it might be time to tell Àsleikr who he really is. Bring him home, if he so wishes. Because he's our only hope in righting our wrongs with both him and potentially with Loki as well."

Thor could only stare at his father. "Father .. you mean .. I'll finally get to see Àsleikr again?" he almost stammered, processing the reality of it out loud instead of in his head. He turned his eyes away then, trying to realize what that would mean, if Àsleikr would even want to see him at this point in his life, or want to come home. But he couldn't fully express in words how much his heart ached when he thought of seeing his son again.

Slowly, Odin nodded in affirmation. "If you believe you can, I would arrange to Heimdall to send you to him. He's known of your son's location since the beginning." He reached out and let his hand rest steadily on Thor's shoulder. "Answer me honestly...do you think you would be able to do this?"

"Yes, yes, of course." Thor replied almost instantly, not even really taking any time to think it through. Knowing he could actually see Àsleikr was enough for him. He'd do anything. "Though, does he even know _anything_ about .. who he really is?"

Clearing his throat, the Allfather dropped his hand from Thor's shoulder, knowing he'd have to bring this up somehow but was also hoping they could avoid it just a moment longer. Such was not the case. "He has a few clues," Odin admitted, "almost all of them being things I told him myself."

"I can only surmise you were visiting him behind our backs all this time then." Thor replied, dryly. He wasn't exactly angry; it seemed like a typical thing for his father to do. At least Àsleikr wouldn't be absolutely clueless to who he was.

"I wouldn't quite say 'all this time,'" Odin lightly retorted, thankful that Thor was taking this at least somewhat in stride. "A few minor instances, yes. I wanted to make sure I chose a fitting family for my grandson, of course. On top of it all, he's very bright."

"Of course he is." Thor said in a matter-of-fact voice. He stopped himself before he added anything about Loki to that sentence. He changed the subject before he could reflect on that. "When can I go then? Are you going to come with?"

The Allfather shook his head. "This is not a story that is my place to relay to Àsleikr - you must do it on your own. I will, however, let him know you're coming, if you so wish. And I'd give yourself a few days to prepare yourself before going; when you _are_ ready, just tell Heimdall."

"It would probably be best if you told him I was coming so he's expecting me. But, thank you for this opportunity, father. I mean it." Thor possibly looked happier than he had in months.

"Of course, my son," Odin replied to both of Thor's statements at once with a small smile.

**\--**

 

Àsleikr had been particularly jittery since his grandfather's visit the day before, thankful that he had somehow talked his parents into taking his siblings out. He couldn't stay still but his brain was still trying to prepare for what it would be like, contemplating all the possibilities - like what the hell he was actually going to say to his father when he got here - so he couldn't actually get anything productive done. It was a strange predicament he found himself in, and so he was just sitting on his porch, playing catch with Anubis; that dog never ran out of energy. It was incredibly admirable as well as astonishing.

Watching Àsleikr from across the street, Thor was still deciding on what to say even, although he'd been thinking about it constantly for days. Even from the distance he was at though, he could see how much his son resembled Loki. He pushed back the memory that came along with that .. those days were lost to him now .. he had to focus on the present. He couldn't imagine this was easy for anyone. Taking a deep breath, he finally approached the porch. "Àsleikr?" he questioned, despite knowing perfectly well he had the right person.

Looking up to see the man approaching him, Àsleikr felt his breath leave him for a moment, all of the things he'd planned to say leaving him in just an instant - which was of course, typical. The circumstances surrounding the typical reaction were anything but, however, and he slowly rose to his feet, his dog still jumping up against him and barking, expecting to play. "Not now, boy," he said softly to Anubis, shooing him away, although his eyes never left the man for a moment.

It was a little strange to look at Àsleikr and see eyes the exact same shade as his own looking back at him; his breath caught in his throat a second as the teenager just looked at him. There was definitely no right way to go about this. "I'm Thor .. your father." he finally managed to say. He tried to ignore the slight feeling of nervousness creeping up on him. He hoped his son would accept him.

His heart was beating wildly in his chest by this point, so much weight in those four words and entirely for different reasons. Àsleikr honestly expected to be angrier than this - he had been angry in the past, but the shock of this being reality and not another strange dream had temporarily numbed any such feelings. And he'd be the first to admit his father was impressive in stature, easing another one of his silly childhood woes. Everything was soaking into his brain at once and yet the only thing he could manage to say was a rather lame and stuttering, "Thor - you mean, like, the...?"

Thor smiled slightly, but it was warm. "Like the god of thunder, yes." he admitted. He had no idea what Àsleikr would even think about that, but it was the truth. He still braced himself for his son's true reaction though .. he felt he deserved anything negative he received, it was understandable, although he was hoping for the opposite.

"Of course, my parents the Folklore and Mythology professors, and now you, with the name of the god of thunder. Brilliant," Àsleikr rambled, laughing entirely nervously. "I'm sure you'll fit right in," he murmured, not entirely too convinced, his heart still somewhat heavy. Nevertheless, he didn't want to talk about this outside, especially not with Anubis whining to go in if he wasn't going to be played with anymore. "Come in, I'll show you what I mean..." the late teen let the dog in first and then stepped inside himself, holding the door open behind him for Thor.

The smile stayed on Thor's face. Now was definitely not exactly the right to admit it wasn't _just_ his name .. he followed Àsleikr inside the house, wondering what he was talking about. He felt a slight pang of guilt at the fact his son was calling someone else his 'parents' but he hadn't really expected anything different.

Grateful for something to talk about besides the automatic awkward at meeting one's biological father for sort of the first time, Àsleikr headed straight into introducing the crazy animals littering his household. "The dog who you met and thinks he owns the world is Anubis," he gestured as Anubis ran to another dog before continuing, "the other, lighter colored one is Heracles." He led Thor into the living room where he'd planned to talk with him in the first place, only to find his cats conveniently nuzzled in the chairs. "These lazy cats hogging the chairs are Bastet and Eris, and..." Àsleikr looked around in confusion, "...where's Loki?" As if on cue, a cat jumped from the top of a bookcase and onto the teen's shoulder, scaring him half to death and causing every muscle to tighten in that one moment. He turned to glare at the cat on his shoulder who seemed right pleased with himself. "Douche," he said affectionately before petting him on the head.

Freezing up at the mention of his brother's name, Thor tried to not to show how that affected him outwardly. He let out a soft sigh to release some of the tension and managed another smile for his son. He honestly tried to ignore the irony of the black, green-eyed cat that was smirking at him from Àsleikr's shoulder. "I like their names," he finally commented. "Very creative."

"You say trying to hide the fact that you probably think I just have a crazy obsessed family," Àsleikr joked, shooing the cats out of the chairs with the exception of Loki who was perfectly content on the teen's shoulder. Before another brief silence could fall, he remembered his manners and offered awkwardly, "Do you want anything? Like a drink or something?"

"I'm fine," Thor assured the teenager, also disliking the silence that fell after he spoke. He knew they'd have to talk eventually no matter how much he was dreading the conversation. It would be a very difficult thing to explain, especially to someone who wasn't even raised on Asgard. "We should talk now .. I'm sure you probably have many questions."

Looking up into his father's eyes, Àsleikr bit his lower lip and nodded, that heaviness returning in his heart. He moved to sit down in the nearest chair, offering the one next to him to Thor with a nod of his head. "I just don't know where to start," he said softly, looking down at his fingers, which he was twiddling nervously.

"I'm not quite sure myself," Thor replied, taking the seat offered to him. "All of it is going to sound .. incredible, but I promise you, it is all true." He looked away from Àsleikr for a moment to collect himself and then decided where to start. "Did your grandfather tell you anything at all about where you're from?"

A bit of wariness crept onto Àsleikr's features, his eyes switching between his hands and Thor. Loki sensed the tension and hopped down into the teen's lap, curling up comfortably, which the teen was grateful for as petting the cat gave him something else to do with his hands besides wring them. "Um...no, no he didn't. He never told me all that much, actually - he said they were stories you deserved to tell me."

"Àsleikr .. you're not from here. You're from Asgard. As am I and your grandfather and .. I don't just have the name 'Thor' .. I am the god of thunder." Thor tried not to cringe at what he said, even to his own ears it sounded like a tale. He rubbed his forehead. "Your grandfather's name is Odin. I imagine this means something to you, seeing as how you're versed in .. mythology." It took him a moment to remember what they called actual events and places outside their own realm they were incapable of comprehending.

The first emotions that settled in him were confusion and a little bit of anger, feeling initially like this had to be some joke. "Okay, really?" Àsleikr said in sarcastic disbelief. "Did you come all this way just to pull my...leg...?" He trailed off as he saw the seriousness in Thor's eyes, and he couldn't believe that there was some instinct that even told him to entertain this idea as an even remote possibility. Because it wasn't. They were all just stories. So now he was faced with two possibilities: either there was a crackpot man in his living room who needed an insane asylum, or this was the absolute truth. And he wasn't sure which one he was more uncomfortable with, to be honest.

"At this point, I rather wish I was making it up. Then it'd be easier to tell you." Thor said, frowning. "Do you really think your grandfather visited you for years and then I showed up so we could tell you an elaborate lie? That's a lot of work to harass one kid." He said the last part lightly, but then sighed at the end. "Attempt to humor me at the very least, Àsleikr."

Àsleikr stared at Thor seriously, really trying to take this in as a possibility because the other man wasn't joking. And hell, even better, he made some good points. Only someone telling the truth or amazingly dedicated psychologists would keep such a ploy going for eighteen years. On top of that, his given name was incredibly Norse in origin and he'd never felt truly at home here despite loving his parents and being grateful for them. "But, I don't understand - how - "

"This is where things get even more complicated." Thor told him, looking at him very seriously. "Try to .. keep an open mind. The first thing I want you to know is that we wanted to keep you. Very very much. But it just wasn't possible at the time .. it was too dangerous. So your grandfather sent you to a place where you'd be safe."

As if cold, or perhaps somewhat self-conscious, Àsleikr slowly moved his hands to rub his arms. His grandfather - potentially Odin, he supposed - had told him that his parents had cared about him, but actually hearing one say it really hit him emotionally and he wasn't sure how to react. His curiosity built, however, more prone to listen to this man now that he'd admitted to wanting to keep him and the more thought he put into it. "Why was it so dangerous?" he asked, indulging his curiosity.

"I know this might be hard to take in but .. you're also half Jotun .. and if they had found out about you, there's really no telling what might have happened. We definitely would have lost you." Thor looked away when he said that. He already practically lost Àsleikr once, he didn't even want to think about it hypothetically.

Words caught in Àsleikr's throat, mere squeaking sounds coming out now, totally not wanting to believe this. Not only were they dealing with two worlds now, they were dealing with three. Three entire separate worlds that apparently he could claim some relation in. Talk about a heritage. He was so shocked by this point he had no choice _but_ to believe it. "I - so...you were...what, in love with a Jotun?" he tried to go for the question that was the least awkward as possible, but he wasn't sure if he agreed with how he worded it, mostly because his brain was about to fry. 

Thor frowned, a bit worried at the look on Àsleikr's face. "It's not that simple .. I didn't even know he was one .." It hit him then that he finally slipped and used a non-androgynous word to refer to his brother. It had to come out sometime but .. "Yes, it's a he. And he is my brother. Loki." He braced himself for his son's reaction; it couldn't be good at all.

"No, _nonono_ ," Àsleikr said almost immediately, sure this was just turning into crazy by the second. He stood from his seat quickly which startled Loki the cat immensely and made him hiss unhappily. The boy paid him no mind, his hands in the air in surrender before running through his hair in a vain attempt to calm him, backing away, "No, that can't be possible in any way. How could you even think I - ?" He interrupted himself as he felt his back his the wall with a thud, letting out an 'uhfng' sound like he'd almost had the wind knocked out of him, staring at Thor as his heart constricted to force his brain to do all the work in processing whatever madness the man was telling him.

Gritting his teeth, Thor just watched Àsleikr as he panicked, unsure of what to do or say. Even he knew it was hard to comprehend or believe. He waited silently for his son to calm down a little more before holding his gaze intensely. There was a profound look of pain in his eyes. "I'm not lying," he forced out. "I know how it sounds, it's impossible, but it's the absolute truth." Having to focus and think this much about his brother was ripping him up, but he knew he had to suffer through it for the teenager. "We didn't know it was possible either .. but neither of us regretted it. In the end, we had you, Àsleikr .. and everything was worth it."

Even though the teenager shook his head in protest, belief was slowly seeping into his veins, especially with the pain in his father's eyes and the honesty of his voice and the fact that they had _wanted to keep him_ but couldn't. Àsleikr felt his body tremble and his knees gave out, letting himself drop to the floor. "But how? There's no way I could be that exceptional, that impossible..."

Thor moved to kneel by the teenager, trying to keep a reasonable distance between them. "You are, you most definitely are." The same love he felt for his son when he had been with him years and years ago had never changed or wavered. He still loved him just the same, and still thought he was one of of the most amazing people he'd ever met.

Brushing some of his own hair out of his face, Àsleikr looked up into Thor's eyes, searching them with temporary speechlessness. He had no idea what to do or say, mostly because he couldn't believe that he _did_ believe this man, even after only knowing him for minutes. But some place deep inside him, past all the shock, it felt like it just had to be. Thor and Loki's son. He was Thor and Loki's son.

"I apologize, truly, for having to tell you all of this at once .. you must be overwhelmed .. but it means so, so much to me that I'm able to tell you now and to see you." Thor admitted in a bit of a rushed way.

Smiling for a moment, Àsleikr took in the words before a multitude of questions bombarded him, stemming from that very subject. "But why can you _now_? Why is it suddenly okay? And why did you never come before with Grandfather? If he knew where I was, you must have..." he assumed.

Silent for a moment, Thor decided to try to start somewhere near the beginning to answer his son's questions. "I did not know where you were, neither did .. Loki. Your grandfather didn't permit us to visit you. He thought it was in your best interest, I'm sure." He paused again, trying to keep his composure. "Recently, many things happened that changed everything. It's possibly longer and more complicated than what I've already told you ..." He was extremely hesitant to also push more things onto Àsleikr after what he'd already revealed.

There was a long moment of silence. All of this fuss, and just over him. On top of that, he was an otherworldly child, which was both too vast to understand and yet also felt right at home because he'd never belonged here and he knew it - hell, his parents even knew it, he could tell. Àsleikr wondered if he was pushing both his and Thor's limits, but he had to know it all. He had to get a clear picture. He wouldn't even be satisfied with waiting. Hesitantly, he reached out and touched his father's arm, just barely and incredibly unsure. "Please tell me," he pleaded. "I can handle it." He paused and then amended his last statement, "Well, regardless...I just think I need to know. Deserve to know."

Swallowing hard, Thor nodded slowly. "I will tell you then." He explained to his son everything that had happened, trying to be concise but still understandable. He stumbled over a few parts, not really wanting to relive them, but he managed to get through it. The blonde realized he was placing a burden on Àsleikr that he didn't want the teenager to have to carry, but he was right. He did deserve to know it all.

By the end of Thor's story, Àsleikr was sitting with his crossed arms resting on his knees which had long since been pulled up to his chest. His face was incredibly contemplative, and he was completely lost on how to feel - of course he'd been completely lost throughout most of this. He wasn't sure if he should feel like Loki had shown him great devotion or a great injustice - although he supposed his other parent hadn't had logical reasoning for quite some time. He could tell it was hard for the Asgardian to be telling him this, so he felt he owed him some sort of acknowledgment, but he was still trying to logically think through his emotions and not only did that never work, but it never made someone prone to conversation either.

"I understand if you need time to think about it," Thor began after his story. "But I, well we, me and your grandfather, were both wondering if maybe you'd like to return home, to Asgard .. with us. If not now, perhaps someday." He asked a bit nervously though he hated feeling that way.

"Yes," Àsleikr felt the first word as if it had been punched out of him, before logic returned to him and he went, "no - I don't know -" then realizing that those were the only options available to him. It was always an interesting pull for him, the pull between his gut feeling and his head, but somehow the former won out this time, "Yes...I would. I'd - not yet, obviously. But soon. I've been asking Grandfather to take me away ever since I was little," he admitted with an embarrassed laugh.

Thor laughed lightly and smiled, somewhat in relief, that Àsleikr wanted to come to Asgard, even after all the strange and unbelievable things he had to tell him that day. "I'm glad .. truly, I am. We'd be happy to have you home again."

Unable to help the smile on his face at hearing that, further confirming that he was never actually abandoned and more of protected, because they'd never forgotten him. He was nervous at the prospect of leaving eventually and excited all at once. "I don't know what exactly I would going to tell my parents though...or my siblings for that matter," Àsleikr admitted.

"I don't mean to pull you away from your life here .. but your .. other parents do know you're not from here, or so that's what your grandfather told me. So they might be more understanding about it. It's your decision if you want to tell your siblings the truth." Thor explained.

"They know?" Àsleikr asked with a confused and altogether disgruntled expression. "If they knew from the beginning, why wouldn't they have told me? All I got was a name and the fact that I'm adopted."

Thor shrugged at his son. "I honestly don't know. Your grandfather didn't tell me anything other than the fact that they knew, and I didn't know anything about your life here until fairly recently. They might not have wanted to scare you. Maybe you should ask them."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Àsleikr shook his head and murmured, "I know, I understand...sorry. I don't mean to sound like I'm throwing this all on you. It's just - a lot. In general. But not entirely in a bad way, either..."

"Don't be sorry," Thor hesitated before gently placing his hand reassuringly on Àsleikr's shoulder. "It is alot and you're actually taking it far better than I thought you might."

"Probably because the truth, however farfetched it may sound, is my ticket out of here," Àsleikr murmured somewhat guiltily, feeling somewhat ungrateful for the life he'd lived. He was definitely privileged, he cared about his family, and he'd been involved in athletics during high school - but he'd never connected truly to any of it for very long. It was discomforting and not a place he wanted to stay by any means.

"It's not wrong to feel like you never belonged here, Àsleikr. You never really did. It was just the circumstances that forced things to be this way. But all of that can change now." Reaching up, Thor ruffled his son's hair a little affectionately before withdrawing his hand. Being able to touch the teenager gave him the same feeling he'd gotten many years before; that his son was real, was truly there in front of him. But he wasn't sure how comfortable Àsleikr felt around him yet.

Falling into the role automatically and faster than he probably should have, Àsleikr made a face when Thor ruffled his hair and swatted the man's hand away playfully, a slight smile on his lips regardless. Then he stopped and blinked a few times, surprised with himself. "Huh," he stated.

"Everything alright?" Thor asked, hoping his slight nervousness wasn't evident in his voice. He knew that very few people could get to him, but it seemed like other than Loki, Àsleikr was one of those people.

"Yeah, I just - it seems like I shouldn't be so casual with you already," Àsleikr admitted, scratching the back of his neck nervously, unsure why he was even admitting this. "I wanted to be angrier, I really did...but I'm just not."

"You would have every right to be angry at me," Thor conceded, frowning a little. "But I'm thankful that you're not."

There were a few moments of silence between the two, before Àsleikr dropped his hand into his lap again and looked up at Thor. "...when will you come back?"

"I wish I could stay until you're ready to leave .. but I cannot. If there's a certain time you think you might like me to return though, you can tell me and I will be here." Thor promised.

A small innate flicker of doubt fluttered in Àsleikr's stomach, but the sincerity of his father's visage helped quell the initial feeling. "I'm holding you to that," he said seriously before anything else.

"You have my word." Thor replied just as seriously, wanting his son to trust the things he said from now on.

**\--**

 

Thor walked with Àsleikr out onto the bridge, pausing a moment so his son could take in the sight of Asgard. He wasn't very impressed by it anymore, since he'd been able to look at it his whole life; but he was sure the teenager would be. A thought struck him then that he had forgotten. "What did you end up telling your other .. family? I mean, about where you were going."

Àsleikr felt a surge go through him at his first sight of Asgard - it was brand new and altogether familiar at once, an intense sense of deja vu growing especially as his eyes look down the bridge to the palace. The whole place was beautiful and regal and almost unbelievable according to the physics he barely paid attention to on Earth. He mouthed a soft 'wow' before realizing he'd been spoken to. "Oh! Um..." he clutched his small bag of possessions before continuing, "my parents already knew, really. I mean somehow they figured I'd go back with you once they heard you were going to visit. My sister, I told some version of the truth. She's smart and open-minded, she could definitely handle it but - my brother's too little. I just told him I was going away, I think they're going to tell him I'm in college. But maybe with his small child imagination he'll just conjure up a story that's far too close to the truth," Àsleikr laughed although it wasn't entirely full of humor, it was more pathetic than anything.

When Thor saw the look on Àsleikr's face as he took in Asgard, he couldn't help but smile. He started walking again and motioned for his son to follow. It was a bit of a long walk, but they'd have time to talk that way. "I'm glad you didn't have much trouble though." He paused before deciding to follow through with his question. "Did you have any .. difficulty in leaving them?" It was kind of an odd question but he wanted to know how the teenager felt about being taken away from what he'd known his whole life.

Biting his lip, Àsleikr nodded. "Not in leaving the world itself, but in them - a little, yes. I knew I didn't belong there, and I really had no attachment to the society itself so I definitely had to leave," he said with a shrug as he walked alongside his father, "yet that doesn't make it suddenly easy to leave a family...I love my parents and I hope they know how grateful I was that they raised me in opportunity, you know? And I kind of wonder what my sister will do without the only person who ever listened to her out there activism." The teen paused for a second and shook his head. "Sorry, this is all coming out of nowhere. I am happy to be here, it's absolutely amazing. And it's not like we're not allowed to travel, right?"

"I understand and yes, of course you may go see them." Thor reassured his son. He was a little jealous of the teenager's other life, but he knew that of course someone as bright and caring as Àsleikr couldn't just leave the people he'd spent years with behind and move on. He admired that in his son. "I'm glad you like Asgard though. I'll show you the room we had made up for you and then we're going to see your grandfather, if you don't mind."

Although the truth was Àsleikr didn't mind at all, he gave an overdramatic groan and a purposeful, "Must we?" in hopes of amusing his father, nudging his arm with his elbow when the teen failed at keeping a straight face.

"Unfortunately," Thor replied, laughing slightly when he turned to his son. Despite everything going on, he could honestly say, he hadn't felt this at peace in ages. They approached the palace faster than he thought, and he led the way to Àsleikr's room, which was situated pretty close to his own.

Taking in the interior of the palace made it even easier to believe this entire circumstance was an epically long dream. The place was gorgeous. When he saw Thor entering a rather spacious room that was very empty, Àsleikr felt his mouth drop a little. "This isn't...this isn't my room is it? Cause holy crap it's like a fourth of my entire house."

"Well, yes, we intend for this to be your room .. is that alright?" Thor questioned, unsure of how Àsleikr felt.

"Are you kidding me?" Àsleikr said with a broad smile and a laugh. "This is amazing!"

Thor also laughed, realizing he did that alot around Àsleikr. "If you want to leave your things in here, we can go see your grandfather now."

Nodding and clearing his throat, Àsleikr dropped his bag next to the bed, still surveying the room with obvious wonder. "Of course," he agreed with a nod, giving his father a slight smile.

 

**\--**

 

Showing Àsleikr into the throne room, Thor followed after him, and they approached where his father was sitting. He hadn't really wanted to meet in there, he thought it might seem a bit intimidating to his son, but he didn't really get a choice in the matter. "I believe you two have met already." The blonde said as they entered but his tone was good natured.

Àsleikr smiled and gave Odin a brief hug before the Allfather had any choice in the matter, although the elder smiled anyway. He held the boy at arm's length when they parted, patting his shoulder and saying genuinely, "Welcome home." Àsleikr smiled and thanked his grandfather before truly taking in the throne room. "It is going to take some getting used to, though. Geez," the teen observed.

Thor tried hard to ignore the ache in his heart as he watched. He knew Loki should have been with them as well. He managed not to let it show though. Instead, he laughed lightly and agreed. "It is a little overpowering, huh?"

"A little? You've clearly lived here far too long to make such an understatement," Àsleikr joked, crossing his arms. He was so happy to be here and felt at home between Thor and Odin, but there was some feeling of lacking somewhere in his heart and he was trying to quench it because he didn't know what it was and it was making him feel ungrateful.

"Perhaps I've been in here far too many times," Thor smiled back. It was so easy to be with his son and he was glad. He had been afraid it'd feel awkward. He glanced at his father out of the corner of his eye. Ah, right. But soon they'd have to talk about far more serious things unfortunately.

Odin nodded subtly in confirmation to the look he received from his son before looking between the two. The resemblance of both of his parents that Àsleikr had grown into was really rather striking - he was unmistakable as the son of anyone else. For a moment, Odin thought on how to make that known to the rest of Asgard delicately, but then pushed the burdening thought aside. He had something else, something even more serious than that, to address.

Àsleikr felt the atmosphere shift almost tangibly, and he sunk into himself a little. "What's this about?" he asked hesitantly.

"I'm sure you remember everything we discussed recently about ... about Loki," Thor said, unable to keep from visibly cringing at his brother's name again. "We all need to talk about him."

Feeling the tension coming off of his father, Àsleikr wasn't sure how to respond. Honestly, it affected him as well - he hadn't been there for all the things they'd discussed and had no idea how they'd both been reacting to or dealing with it.

"He's alive and been traced to Midgard," Odin picked up from Thor, knowing his son wasn't in any position to talk about Loki right now. "And we don't know what he's planning...all we know is that he is no longer the mere trickster we knew, but very far gone, and that it could be incredibly dangerous."

Thor drew his eyes away from both of them. He couldn't get his last image of his brother out of his head at that moment .. and could find nothing to add to the conversation.

"So why do I have anything to do with this?" Àsleikr realized it came out sharper than he intended, but he wasn't sure he liked where this conversation was going, or the affect it was seeming to have on his father.

"You...are the key to his mind," Odin said carefully, not wanting to make it sound like the sole purpose he was returning home was to confront Loki. Because truthfully, it wasn't, despite it being a large duty, one that a lot potentially rested on. "There is a chance he may yet listen to reason, but only if he hears it from you, because you were to some extent the driving force of his recent life."

The teen made a confused face that turned angry the longer he thought about it. "Basically, you want me to be bait to lure him into your trap?" 

"It's not even remotely that negative, Àsleikr. We want to bring him back from the brink of insanity that he's gotten himself into."

Gritting his teeth, Thor somehow found words and forced them out, looking at his son with pain evident in his expression. "I ... we want him to come home too."

"No, I understand, but you can't do it like this," Àsleikr stated boldly, wondering where it came from and why he had enough emotions to speak so bravely to a father he certainly hadn't known long enough to do so with. He looked between them both as he continued, "This is trickery - no, this is _bribery_ , and it's...it's a horrible thing to do to someone who's already mentally unstable because of _me_. I won't let you hang me in front of his face. I just won't."

"Do you have a better idea?" The tone in Thor's voice wasn't mocking at all; he did want Loki back, but he didn't really want the teenager to feel as if they were using him either. "You must want to see him as well."

"Of course I do, but not like this," he continued before shaking his head and closing his eyes, pressing the backs of his thumbs on either side of his nose. "Sorry. I shouldn't be talking, especially seeing as I have no better alternatives..."

"We have a little time to think, not much time .. but still." Thor said, soothingly. Àsleikr, though, looked far far too much Loki when he did that. It hurt the blonde a little. "I can understand you rejecting the idea. We're not trying to harm him though .."

"Thor is right. Our intentions are the exact opposite of harm, however our means may seem," Odin tried to reassure his grandson. He knew how to talk to the boy and knew that he would eventually settle with the idea if he never came up with a better one himself. 

"I just don't know if he's going to see it that way," Àsleikr responded, a sentiment so close to Loki's thought process that it chilled Odin slightly to hear him guess something that could potentially be an incredibly accurate depiction.

"He won't, you're right. But he needs our help, he needs us. He needs you." Thor never intended to place a burden like this on the teenager but his father was right. Àsleikr was their only hope; was the key to possibly getting Loki back. Was it so horrible of him to want his family together again?

"I'll really have to think about this," the youngest responded honestly, trying to keep his voice even mostly because he wasn't sure why he felt so incredibly emotional at the daunting future task.

 

\--

 

Àsleikr sat on the main staircase leading up to the palace, surveying the architecture and general scenery. He took a few deep breaths and breathed in the mist from the sea, tilting his head slightly as he stared down into it, the calm flow of the water soothing to his soul and also to his overactive brain. The quietness here, however, he still found better than the quietness on Earth.

At first, Thor just watched his son from the top of the stairs, unsure what to say about everything that had been going on. It wasn't exactly a subject he liked to dwell on either .. but because of it that was all he had been thinking about. He did want to spend time with Àsleikr regardless though, so eventually he moved down the stairs and took a seat next to the teenager, and looked out at the scenery with him. "What are you up to?" The blonde questioned him with a casual tone.

The late teen seemed startled for a moment but not because he wasn't expecting to see Thor, but because he'd found himself lost in some sort of mental trace and had been shaken out of it. He'd been fully aware that his father was behind him for some point of time. "Not much," Àsleikr said in response to the question with a shrug. "I completely lost myself there for a second, actually..."

"Thinking about things?" Thor murmured quietly, looking at Àsleikr and then away. He hadn't come up with any other ideas himself. His emotions weren't really conductive to his thinking. He was very glad he had the experiences he did and that he changed, but things were _easier_ when he was angry and impulsive and he didn't have to think, he just acted.

"I suppose so," Àsleikr responded, running his hand through his hair nervously before turning to look at his father, who was now looking away from him. "Are..." he stopped for a moment, contemplating the stupidity of the question, knowing something was wrong but unsure how else to approach the subject, "are you okay?"

There was a brief silence before Thor put his hands together and sighed. He looked at his son again, holding his gaze seriously. "You know I grew up with .. Loki believing he was my blood brother. Even when we had you, I still thought we were related. And even now, knowing that we're not, to me, he is still my brother and will always be so. This is strange for me to bring up and ask probably, but I was a bit curious myself as to how exactly you came to terms with this, or if you did at all."

"Wow," it came out as he tried to even process the seriousness behind Thor's curiosity. "That's um...well, first of all, you - didn't exactly seem to be in any position to talk about it at length with me, so I didn't pry, especially since I didn't know you very well," Àsleikr began honestly. "And, second of all - it's not something I ever would have guessed, yes, but - I dunno, you're still both my parents. I suppose I have to be grateful for whatever happened between you two beyond the ties of brotherhood?" He squinted slightly and tried to make that last bit sound as least awkward as possible. "It isn't my place to judge the reason I exist."

Nodding, Thor turned his gaze away. "I didn't care that Loki was my brother and that what we did was 'wrong' because I loved him. More than anything." His chest felt tight. He had never told anyone this before in so many words. Not ever. "So to answer your question, no, I'm not okay. Not right now."

His father's confession found its way and nestled itself deep inside Àsleikr, and he found himself fall silent again because of it. He hated the pain in Thor's voice and wished things hadn't had to have happened the way they did, even though he knew if they didn't, he probably wouldn't be back in Asgard now. And all the same - he now knew for sure he'd been a child of love, at the very least from this side of things. It was both reassuring and heartbreaking all at once, and really, he had no idea what to say.

Thor hesitated only slightly but he eventually put an arm around his son's shoulders in a comforting way. "I don't want you to worry about me though. This is something I need to deal with myself."

Àsleikr leaned into his father slightly at the comforting touch. "That doesn't matter. I'm still your son...I'll probably worry about you regardless," he admitted reluctantly, hoping he didn't sound silly.

Patting Àsleikr's shoulder, Thor gave him a small smile. "You're a very caring person."

Letting out a slight snort in reply, Àsleikr rolled his eyes as he looked away. "Yeah, well, I try."

"Don't take compliments well?" Thor teased him back.

"Again, I try," Àsleikr continued the joke in return. There was a small pause as he looked back at Thor, surveying the honest face of his father. Carefully, he began a question that had been burning inside of him, for reasons he didn't even know, "...if there was one thing you could tell me about Loki...what would it be?"

Thor looked taken back for a moment and then thoughtful. Memories shuffled through his mind and he sorted through them. "Loki .. I don't think I could choose one thing. I can tell you what he was like though .. he was talented, smart, could talk his way out of almost anything," The blonde laughed a little to himself before continuing. "He would hate when it got hot and he'd drag me off to go swimming all the time. He seemed dark to other people, some of his jokes were a little cruel, he was thin and pale with dark hair, wearing dark clothes; but to me .. he was the brightest person I knew. And I would think to myself, all the time, how lucky I was to have known him my whole life. Of course we argued like any brothers do, but I wouldn't change anything. I remember him as he was, before he .. before things changed."

Leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees as he listened, not looking at Thor, Àsleikr let his mouth rest on his carefully clasped hands. For awhile he seemed like nothing more than a diligent listener taking in just the words, but an eventual shaky exhaled breath ended up giving him away.

"Àsleikr?" Thor asked softly, looking over at the teenager.

Simply shaking his head in response, not exactly trusting himself to speak through both his emotion and his confusion at the emotion, Àsleikr kept otherwise still and quiet.

"Loki always did this to me too," Thor tried to say lightly, even though the words held alot of weight.

The teen attempted a laugh but it shook quite obviously, and he pressed his palms just beneath his eyes to cover them as he took a deep breath. "Sorry," he finally breathed out as he sat back. "I don't usually get like this."

"You're allowed to be weak," Thor tried very hard not to cringe when he said that. Those same exact words echoed back into the past.

"Maybe, but I'm not one to fall apart for reasons unknown even to me," Àsleikr responded solemnly. He fiddled with his hands for a few moments, watching them. "I...I can't be the lure," he started to say suddenly, his voice turning quiet as he continued, "just held in front of his face."

"I know, believe me, I do. I don't want it to be that way either. I just ... I just want us all to be together again. Even if .. " Thor left off, not wanting to voice his thought out loud. "We will figure something else out."

"No, what is it?" the teen asked curiously, nudging his father with his elbow to force the blonde to look at him.

Thor finally stood, looking anxious. "Even if he still hates me, even if he never forgives me .. you still deserve to know him like you know me now."

Àsleikr shook his hair out of his face as he looked up at his father, mouth open slightly, unsure of what to say to that, or if he was interpreting the message correctly.

"I'm sorry," Thor sighed. "I'm probably not being very helpful to you right now ..."

"It's hard to be help to a complete basketcase," Àsleikr said with brief humor before standing as well. He clapped his hand on his father's shoulder. "Everything's fine," he assured genuinely. "And you did help. It's always helpful to have people fill in missing pieces to the puzzle of my life."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, it's been awhile. I will try to update this entire fanfic today, but apologies if I run out of steam partway through. Enjoy what does get posted though! Half-credit goes to my former roleplay partner.

_**Heavy In Your Arms** _

_Chapter Six_

Thor had planned on meeting his friends so he decided to take Àsleikr along with him as well. After all, his son was definitely going to stay so they needed to find out at some point. And he would like Sif to meet the teenager as well. He wasn't quite looking forward to having to explain what happened, as it usually ended up being awkward ... he turned to Àsleikr. "Are you anxious about meeting my friends?" the blonde asked, trying to keep his tone light.

"Do I seem anxious?" Àsleikr joked, clearly terrified and trying to stand at least a step behind his father, as if the man could cloak his presence somehow just by being in front of him. He had a tendency to create horror stories in his head when he was nervous about something, and being that he definitely wasn't sure how these people he'd never met were going to react, he was inwardly freaking out a little bit.

Looking back at his son, he was a little disconcerted by Àsleikr's expression. It was the same as Loki's when he was trying to act calm on the outside but was most certainly not on the inside. "A little." he admitted, giving him a small smile.

Letting out a nervous laugh, the teen shrugged at Thor and said, "You can't blame me, nor can you tell me you aren't some form of terrified as well."

"In a different kind of way ..." Thor replied. He took a deep breath as he approached the door and opened it, his friends all looking up at him as he entered with his son. "Everyone, there's someone I'd like you to meet .." he moved away a little so the teenager couldn't keep hiding behind him.

Tensing slightly with a small squeak and looking around as if he were lost when Thor moved away, Àsleikr then realized he probably looked like a person with perhaps the mental capabilities of a small animal and then simply cleared his throat, embarrassed, as he felt intensely confused eyes survey him from throughout the room. At first he heard a few definitive "Who is-" which were then silenced by a gasp from clearly a woman's voice. He raised his head to see the only woman in the room with her hands covering her mouth, staring at him in disbelief.

Slightly amused by Sif's reaction, Thor attempted to keep his expression composed. "This is my son, Àsleikr." There was a brief silence at first.

"He looks like Loki." Hogun finally murmured.

Fandral turned to Hogun with a raised eyebrow, "Yes, we did in fact, pick that up ourselves," before returning his concentration to Thor, trying to process exactly how he had a child so old that looked almost exactly like his insane brother and had managed to hide it from them for so long. In fact, "So would you like to tell us exactly how you have a child this age who looks almost exactly like Loki and you managed to hide it from all of us for so long?"

"That could have alot to do with the fact that this is the first time he's been here since he was a few months old." Thor said a little dryly. "And he looks like Loki because he's also ... Loki's son." The blonde cringed slightly, awaiting the flood of comments that would most definitely be unleashed shortly.

Hogun at least just looked puzzled and Volstagg simply stared.

Even though his mind was going "whatwhatwhat" and Fandral wanted to voice said thoughts, but found he, like Volstagg, could only simply stare dumbstruck in return. How was that even possible? Not Thor and Loki's relationship of course, that had been fairly obvious to the inner circle, but there were so many impossible things in the one statement, he couldn't even comprehend. And yet the child was standing there, at the door, a clear picture of them both.

Sif interrupted the silence with an apology to the warriors three, knowing she'd give herself away of having hid the truth from them, but at the moment she didn't care. "I'm sorry, I just can't keep this in anymore," she said before approaching Àsleikr and giving him a huge warriors hug. She pulled away and looked into his eyes with a laugh. "Welcome home, oh Valhalla, look at you! I can't believe you're finally here again."

Àsleikr's shy demeanor visibly brightened as he hugged her back and smiled in return. "You - you know who I am!" he said in pleased shock, having assumed he hadn't been anything but a secret to the entirety of Asgard.

Although he was sure everyone wouldn't be too pleased that Sif had known already all this time, Thor was extremely glad that she had come over to hug Àsleikr. The teenager seemed far more at ease now. "Sif is good at keeping secrets .. and also at getting people to give them up." The blonde said in a slightly teasing tone.

"I'm sure this is a pretty obvious question," Volstagg began uncomfortably, leaving off when he was unable to find words.

".. how did your brother and you have a child?" Hogun finished for him.

"And why on Asgard was Sif allowed to find out about this?!" Fandral added, pointing at her accusingly.

Keeping an arm around Àsleikr's shoulders, Sif turned to Fandral with a 'come on now' look on her face. "Did you completely miss the part where Thor told you I was good at getting people to give up secrets? I pay far more attention to detail than any of you." Her statement earned a small snort from the teenager.

"You all know now that Loki is not my blood brother and of course at the time, neither of us knew that anything like that was possible but since he's actually a Jotun .." Thor left off himself, not really wanting to get any further into the logistics of the situation than that. It also brought up more memories he'd been trying not to think about. "I assume you can sort out what happened from that."

"How did Loki hide the fact that he was ... going to have a child from us?" Volstagg again looked uncomfortable with the situation. It was a difficult thing to process.

"His magic?" Hogun offered and Volstagg nodded thoughtfully.

"And some really clever robes," Sif added, otherwise confirming Hogun's statement. There was another silence as the warriors clearly took in all this information. Àsleikr was clearly uncomfortable, knowing this conversation was entirely about him and yet he had absolutely nothing to add, being that he didn't know Loki the way everyone else here did, and he certainly didn't remember any of these events being that he was not exactly in existence at the time. So he simply stood awkwardly by Sif, finding her altogether comforting.

"So now that you all know, I would appreciate your input on how to possibly .. reveal this to others as well. Obviously it has to be handled .. delicately." Thor frowned. He looked over at his son, feeling bad that Àsleikr looked like he felt very awkward around everyone again, but he assumed it would take anyone a bit to adjust to a new place and new people.

Àsleikr managed to catch his father's eye at the same moment, shrugging slightly with his hands locked together behind his back, Sif's arm still around his shoulders helping him relax.

The only one who responded to Thor's request was Fandral. "Personally, I think you should just let him wander and have people figure it out for themselves. It's none of their business what happened between you and Loki and despite the fact that he ended up not being your brother by blood, I don't think you should subject yourself or your son to that sort of scrutiny in an official announcement."

"But I am technically part of the royal family," the teen piped up from the silence. "It would seem strange if most of Asgard never found out who I am."

"Exactly. He's my son, and Loki's as well. I'm not ashamed of him at all, and I don't want him to be hidden away anymore. I'm tired of lies and secrets. They only end up hurting everyone in the end." Thor ended his short rant with a bitter tone before he was able to calm himself down enough to continue. "Therefore, everyone will know. I just haven't decided on the method of how that is to happen."

Shifting his gaze to his father again, Àsleikr couldn't help but smile, albeit a little sadly. Thor had lost so much but still had bravery and faith, especially in him, and so he knew that must be in his own blood as well. "My father's right. If they're going to talk, let them talk. Because I'm not ashamed of who I am either."

\--

Glancing around Àsleikr's still mostly empty room as they talked, Thor sighed to himself. They were going over what to do about Loki again, but neither of them had decided on anything concrete and he knew his father was starting to get anxious. They both knew his brother was dangerous and capable of almost anything ... "I'm just really not sure what to do."

Running his hand through his hair, Àsleikr sighed as they came further and further to an impasse. There had been an idea plaguing the back of his head for so long now, but he knew Thor would be adamantly against it so he'd tried to brainstorm the others and just ignore it. However, they were running out of options fast, so he finally got the courage and said in a calm and firm tone, "Maybe I should just go with him. Talk to him alone."

"Alone?" Thor said, an incredulous tone in his voice. "That is too dangerous." It hurt him to say that but it wasn't as if he didn't remember what Loki had become anymore. "You don't realize .. I mean even if it's you .. I just don't know."

"I wouldn't have to go alone," Àsleikr retorted, as stubborn as always. "I mean sure he wouldn't be happy to see either of you, but you wouldn't have to send me back to Earth by myself, no. Still...you'd have to let me leave from there with Loki, because I feel like if you really want me to convince him..." he stopped himself, having gotten too emotionally caught up in his words before he realized how much they could potentially hurt his father. Even so, he figured Thor needed to hear them if he was ever going to admit this as a possibility, so he quietly finished his sentence, "...you can't be there when I try."

Crossing his arms, Thor dropped his gaze and dug his nails into his palm; a bad habit he couldn't seem to get rid of. "Regardless of how I feel about Loki .. I just .. I can't lose you again, Àsleikr .. I can't."

Eyes widening, certainly not expecting that for whatever reason, Àsleikr moved closer to his father and reached out to take the blond's hands in his, forcing him to stop refocusing all of his pain into his palms, and also to look at him. "You won't," he reassured. "Trust me, you won't."

Thor searched his son's eyes and sighed deeply. "You have to promise me that you'll come back. And .. " The blonde's tone became incredibly reluctant. "And .. you can try to talk to Loki. Alone. I'm not sure how we can convince your grandfather of this exactly, but I'll support you."

A soft, relieved breath made its way past Àsleikr's lips and he nodded. "Thank you," he said with true gratefulness in his voice, even though he knew Thor was still clearly not thrilled with the idea. But he wanted things to return to the way he knew they had been, and even though he'd only been a baby at the time to even remember what it had been like, he still knew it was possible.

\--

"Father," Thor began as himself and Àsleikr stood before him in the throne room, "I know Loki has been on your mind lately and we've been discussing alternate solutions on what to do and well, Àsleikr believes he has a plan."

Odin looked between the father and the son, unsure of how to feel about the air between them and what the suggestion would entail, but he nodded at his grandson to allow him to begin.

After letting out a long breath, Àsleikr cleared his throat and began. "I understand how dangerous this is. But still, I believe that we will get nowhere if we cling to the idea that he would easily listen when in a state of anger. So...I propose we all head to Midgard together but once we find Loki - I go off with him, and talk to him alone."

"Absolutely not," the fear that Odin had trouble controlling spoke before his mind could catch up with him. "We cannot trust anyone alone with Loki, even you."

"I said the same thing to him," Thor gritted his teeth but continued. "But I think he's right. Loki won't listen to us. Even if we have Àsleikr with us. He's too far gone right now .. Àsleikr isn't a child at all, he's old enough to be responsible and know what he's going into, and I think he understands that Loki is dangerous, but he seems able to hold his own. I believe this is our only option."

"You both make excellent points, but I stand by my word. Thor, you are a warrior and thus see things with that experience. Àsleikr is not, and does not know Loki, and I will not send my grandson into a situation that he isn't trained and therefore isn't prepared for - "

"Excuse me?" Àsleikr said in an almost harsh tone, taking a step forward. "How am I not prepared? He's the reason I'm alive. Everything I've heard about him points to him wanting me to stay, and doing horrible things to get me back to him. The core feelings behind that kind of devotion, however much insanity ended up clouding his judgment, is not something a person forgets, no matter how far gone...and no matter how young. Therefore it's a connection that I understand more than anyone else in this room possibly could. He has nothing left to lose. All he has is me."

Unable to keep a somewhat amused look off his face at someone standing up to his father, Thor looked up at him, a little proud of his son, even if he was also scared to send the teenager into that kind of situation as well. "Like I said, Àsleikr knows exactly what he is getting into. I have the same fears and apprehensions you do, father. But I believe in my son. He's intelligent. He knows what he's doing. He needs to go."

Sighing and shaking his head, Odin actually found himself chuckling. He didn't stand a chance against the combined might of Thor and his son, the latter of which had the combined types of determination of both Thor and Loki. It reminded him of a time long past, and he couldn't help feeling proud of them both despite his apprehension. Eventually he focused his attention on Àsleikr. "I hope you know you are just as stubborn as both of your parents," he said, his voice returning to his reasonable tone.

"I'll take that as a compliment, Grandfather," Àsleikr said with a small smile, his heart still beating from the surge of emotion from just moments before.

\--

As Thor straightened up properly, he glanced around at the area they had arrived at. His father stood next to him, and Àsleikr was behind them. A short distance away, he could see his brother. Of course he knew it was Loki, although his back was to them. He immediately felt a fresh stab of pain slam into his chest, harder than anything he'd felt recently. His brother held a piece of him that he could never recover. Gritting his teeth, he could think of nothing to say. He just hoped that Loki would stay long enough to talk to them.

Feeling Thor's anxiety, Odin reached out and pressed a grounding hand to his son's shoulder, looking out before them. The figure was both distinguishable and foreign to him all at the same time, and he had to reason with himself once more to believe this would even work.

The Allfather opened his mouth to call out but didn't even have to as then Loki's head snapped towards them, his eyes narrowing. "Ah," the trickster began in a dark voice that wasn't entirely his own. As he turned to them, he stood elegantly and purposefully, crossing his arms. "Somehow I knew you'd find me someday - guess I didn't cover my tracks," he overemphasized as if truly covering his tracks had never been his intention. "Not exactly a family reunion, though, is it?" he finished with a lazy smirk.

Crossing his arms, Thor smiled bitterly back at his brother. "Not exactly," he agreed. "But close." He simply stepped away from his father so Àsleikr was hidden no longer.

Àsleikr was met with the sight of a person that was shockingly almost like looking in a mirror. Not perfectly, as the man standing there seemed to be filled with an unfathomable darkness, but enough that he immediately recognized his other parent. He swore he was choking on his breath as his ice blue eyes met the cold green ones of Loki. His body was flooded with a vast amount of emotions, but probably the one he felt the most was that he was complete, even if nothing had changed and nothing was remotely fixed; he felt complete to finally have met his entire true family.

Although he hadn't seen him since early infancy, Loki recognized his son instantly, not just from the sight and resemblance but because of something much deeper inside of him that had always been connected to Àsleikr and had never let go. For a few moments, the curtain of darkness that had been shrouding his mind lifted to show complete honesty and shock, the parental instinct he'd buried and tried to convince himself he had no more use for flaring to life. He tried to speak but only a cracked sound made its way past his parted lips.

The look on Loki's face didn't really shock Thor so much as pain him further. As usual, he kept himself outwardly composed, his arms still crossed; his nails digging into the palm of his hand.

There was a short silence as the teenager returned Loki's stare. "Hi," he finally forced out, his own voice sounding weak. It was impossible to forget in that moment what his other parent had done for him, because of him and everything that happened in relation to it. He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, finally taking a small step forward. He was utterly determined to see his plan through and he wasn't going to back down.

Still within the moment of seeing Àsleikr again, Loki managed an amused, "Hi, yourself." Noticing his son's hesitance, he beckoned him slightly, trying to keep his eyes focused on the teen, because even catching a slight glimpse of Thor began a slow build up of both jealousy and confusion, which he was in denial of letting overtake him because he knew they would, and for the very moment, Àsleikr was more important.

Àsleikr forced himself to not look up at his father at all as he slowly passed him by, carefully taking deliberate steps towards Loki. This was the plan, and they knew it and even if it wasn't, they honestly couldn't stop him now. Not when he was so close. As he finally approached close enough to touch his other parent, he resisted the strange urge to do so, to make sure Loki was really there. He hesitated there, unsure of what was okay to do and what was not.

Thor pressed his nails against his skin harder. It was a bad way to relieve stress, but it was all he knew how to do and still appear calm outwardly. He realized he didn't trust his brother anymore, which was probably typical after all that had happened, but he was a little ashamed that he didn't even trust his brother to be so close to their son; and he was probably the only thing that mattered to Loki anymore.

Feeling the hesitance between them both, Loki just shook his head and pulled his son in for an embrace, unable to help himself. He let out a soft breath for the few moments they stayed that way, trying to even process this as reality, that after everything he'd done that seemed for naught, this was still possible. And yet, why was it possible? The thought gave way to the suppressed jealousy and confusion, and as he pulled away from Àsleikr, his eyes darkened and turned on Thor and Odin. All the years of trying to find him and hoping he could do something to bring him back, suddenly Àsleikr is with them now that Loki was gone? "I suppose this is some cruel joke you concocted," he said venomously.

"Right. Loki," Thor cringed outwardly unfortunately when he said his brother's name but tried to hide it and go on. "We found Àsleikr and took him all the way here simply to play a joke on you. Not everyone likes tricks." He spat the words out before he could think them through. How easily the other man could pull back up the anger he'd been learning to control ...

Still with his arms partway around Loki, Àsleikr turned to look back at his father. He'd never heard him say anything in that tone of voice before. It wasn't as if he didn't know why; didn't know the whole story, but it literally hurt to hear both his parents speak to each other this way.

"Oh, no? Then enlighten me what kind of thought process went into this." Loki's voice was dark and almost too even, as if it was about to snap at any given second. The tone rose slightly as he continued, letting his hands drop from Àsleikr's shoulders to fully address Thor. "The son I always fought for, that you _sent away_ , gets to come home _conveniently_ after it's too late for me, after I've exhausted my own efforts. Did you just let him stroll back into your - "

"That's enough, Loki," Odin intervened, noticing his grandson's discomfort and coming to his rescue. There was a long silence where the Allfather and Loki stared at one another, some sort of realization that this had to have been Odin's idea dawning on the trickster's features, but he refused to grant any words.

Thor drew his eyes down, pain again ripping it's way through him, but he said nothing.

Àsleikr stood back and looked up at Loki. "We should leave. I want to talk to you .. alone." He tried to say this confidently but his voice wavered a little at the end. He again wouldn't turn his gaze anywhere near his father or grandfather.

Loki flicked his gaze to Thor and Odin once more, trying to ignore the intense twist in his chest that intensified when he looked at his brother. He turned back to his son, knowing this had to be all part of their plan, they knew his weaknesses - but even worse was that they were right. He could not deny his son anything, especially after years of useless absence. "Of course," he said to Àsleikr with somewhat forced diplomacy.

It was incredibly hard for Thor to turn away and leave his son. He had promised, but still his heart felt heavy. He tried to ignore the fact his hand felt like it was burning at this point. He realized that regardless of the way he treated Loki, the most painful part was the fact that he was still in love with his brother.

\--

Loki had seated himself in his hideaway, resting his arms against the back of the chair. He and Àsleikr had been making general conversation, which seemed entirely too strange to him for multiple reasons, but he still saw the seriousness behind those eyes, those eerily familiar eyes in the midst of a face that could otherwise be his own. It pained him and angered him to remember that Thor had always had that problem as well, his eyes always gave him away, and Loki knew the seriousness in his son's gaze wasn't going away until he gave in and talked about what the teen had initially planned.

Sitting back in his chair Àsleikr took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves before he launched into a different subject. He felt almost immediately comfortable around the parent he'd only just met, but the subjects they were going to have to go over weren't so much. He put his chin in his hand that was balanced on the arm of the chair and tried to act nonchalant about it. "Do you ever think ... about home, I mean about Asgard .. at all?"

Sighing with a rather heavy amount of tension, Loki took a moment to himself to process the question, looking away from Àsleikr for one of the first times that evening. The thought made the darkness bubble inside of him again, and he could already tell in his short moments of clarity that his son was trying to steer him away from that, if at all possible. "Yes," he admitted quietly before adding in a careful tone, "but...probably not in the way you're hoping I'd think about it."

"Well, I can see why ..." Àsleikr conceded, frowning a little. "Aside from that though, do you ever think about wanting to go home again? Back to the way things were, maybe?" He knew he was really starting to push things, but they needed to get somewhere.

"Look, I don't know what - " Loki paused for a moment as if debating which words to use next, knowing all of them would taste strange on his tongue regardless, "what your father has put you up to, but I'm sure you're smart enough to know why I wouldn't exactly want to go back to a place where I can't trust anyone."

Àsleikr got a stubborn but disgruntled look on his face. "This was _my_ idea, I wanted to see you. He didn't put me up to anything." There was a short silence and he sighed. "Why are you so bent on believing that everyone wants to hurt you? Maybe .. maybe there's just been many misunderstandings."

Running his hand through his hair with a deep exhale, Loki stood for a moment and paced briefly, feeling somewhat guilty that he hadn't even really dwelled on the possibility that any of this could have been Àsleikr wanting to see him. He also wasn't sure how to answer the teen's question - there were so many things, some he probably could no long pinpoint because they'd been chipping away at his sanity for so long. "I suppose...for someone like me, who has to plan and always be in control, it's hard to keep any trust when your life has been so out of your control for so long. And when there were so many truths that were kept secret which could have honestly prevented a lot of damage. And...when you see changes in people you think you know right in front of your eyes that you're powerless to stop."

"People make wrong choices, they say wrong things. They even sometimes think what they're doing is the right thing, that they're protecting someone." Àsleikr sat on the chair with his knees in front of himself and wrapped his arms around them. "That doesn't mean their intention was to hurt you from the start. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't forgive them. In not forgiving them, you just perpetuate the original mistake. And it goes on and on ... and it eventually hurts _other people_." The words simply came out of his mouth without any editing.

Effectively silenced as he processed everything that his son had managed to stuff in those few sentences, Loki sighed slightly and went to kneel next to his son's chair, resting his hand on the knees tucked up to the teen's chest. "You know, I never would have thought I'd have an eighteen year old giving me life advice," he said in a quiet tone. After a few more moments, he murmured almost too softly to be heard, "I'm sorry."

There was a short pause before Àsleikr stretched his legs out in front of him and leaned forward to wrap his arms around Loki's neck in a hug. "Please .. at least think about coming home to me .. to all of us? At the very least, to talking things over with them .."

Letting out a conflicted sigh as Àsleikr's arms wrapped around his neck, Loki returned the embrace, holding his son tightly. When he finally pulled away, he cupped the boy's face in his hands and bit his lip. "I... I would, I really would for you. But my - I don't know if I'd be able to handle it, I..." he shook his head, nothing coming out or sounding right. If this were anyone else, he wouldn't even be able to say this much, he knew. Regardless he was being pulled in so many directions by his heart and his mind.

"Talk with them, and think over a decision then. I'll be with you when you go .. please--" Àsleikr's eyes held Loki's. More than anything, all he wanted was his family together again. He'd just found them .. he didn't want them to be torn apart forever if he could change that ... his voice came out in a whisper, hesitant to speak the next few words. "Please .. mom?"

Loki's eyes widened slightly at the title, not only did it feel like it fit immensely, but the fact that Àsleikr opted to use it in the first place helped put everything in perspective. Everything he'd done had been for his son and if he couldn't even do this, as much as he didn't want to, the madness he knew he was fighting would all be for nothing. "Alright," he conceded quietly, shaking his head. "I'll at least try. But I'm not doing it for them," he pointed to reemphasize his point and some fake control over the situation, because he knew he truly didn't have any as far as the boy was concerned, "I'm doing it for you. Just so you know."

Àsleikr immediately embraced Loki again. "Thank you .. so much. Thank you." He held on tightly. They still had far to go before anything could be remotely okay, but this was a start and that was better than nothing.

\--

Thor forgot everything that had been on his mind as he was walking down the hall the instant he looked up and his eyes met Loki's. He could have kept walking but he stopped. His chest ached. Things needed to change .. soon. "Loki." he murmured, barely able to hold his brother's gaze. ".. can we talk?"

Loki froze almost immediately as he met those familiar cerulean eyes, his own conveying the vast emotions that ran through him at the sight, especially since it was the first time since his arrival home that he hadn't had Àsleikr between them to help the tension. He set his jaw in an attempt to seem composed, knowing it was a waste because Thor had been able to see through that disguise for all-too many years. He was quiet for a few long seconds, sounding defensively sharp in his response, "Must we?"

"Yes," Thor replied immediately. "We must." He knew Loki was about as composed as he was, which wasn't very much. But it was pointless to try to call his brother out on things sometimes. "Your room?" he suggested, as it was the closest one to where they were.

"Certainly," Loki responded through gritted teeth. He'd been on his way there in any case, but he'd been hoping to be there alone and deal with his mind. Thor certainly wouldn't help that, but he was too exhausted to argue in response.

They walked to Loki's room in complete silence, neither meeting each other's eyes now. Thor followed his brother in and shut the door behind them. He let out a deep breath, completely unsure where to start. Every single thing was a complete mess. He leaned back against the door. "We can't keep this up. It's not good for us .. and it's not good for Àsleikr. I'm sure you have things you want to say .. so, say them."

Shaking his head and running a hand through his hair, Loki turned away from Thor, trying to keep his control by sustaining tension throughout his entire body. There was so much he resented Thor for, so much he still didn't quite understand, and such a large part of Loki wanted to hate him which was made even worse by the fact that he didn't. And he knew he'd never be able to truly hate his brother, only adding to the ache and Loki's hard exterior. "On the contrary, I don't have anything left to say to you that hasn't already been said..."

Thor crossed his arms, again relying on his habit of crushing his nails into his palm to keep a semblance of control. "Please, Loki. You may be good at lying, but you're not very good at lying to me." He regretted the voice that came from him as it dripped with sarcasm, and he was unsure what exactly might set his brother off. He could pretend to be strong and cold all he wanted, the blonde knew well enough that the younger man was utterly fragile. But if he had to push to get results out of Loki, he would. "I'm sure there's plenty you've wanted to say that you held back in front of Àsleikr. Isn't there?"

"And they definitely wouldn't do me any good, now, would they?" Loki suddenly hissed and snapped around to face Thor again. "You say we can't keep this up, but I don't see things changing again anytime soon for it to matter. I'm not here for us, or for you, I'm here for my son. What can I say to you that you haven't already heard? What blame can I lay where I haven't already done so? It's never going to get through to you, and it isn't going to change the past however many years. The damage is done," Loki reminded his brother, tapping his own temples as if to remind him that everyone had deemed him insane in any right despite his recent clarity.

"Maybe they would do you some good because you're constantly under the impression that just because you think something that's it true, or just because you assume something, it must be true. Have you ever even once asked me about this? Ever? Fine, you can keep blaming me because yes there was something more important to me than our son, I'm sorry, but there was." Thor stepped towards his brother as he spoke, his voice wavering as he tried to keep from almost screaming at Loki.

"What?" Loki took an almost offended step backwards before regaining his composure and remaining where he was, that familiar anger lighting inside of him once again and burning the wall that he'd been trying to keep up. "How could there possibly have been something more important than the one thing we created together?!" he yelled back, voice shaking with venom as well at the complexity of memories both recent and long past and the emotions that came with them. "Than the one thing that finally helped me feel like I wasn't lost?! What was more important, Thor? Enlighten me!"

"You, Loki, you! You were more important to me! I loved you more than anyone. How you were blind enough to not even see that, I don't understand. Father had me convinced that this would ruin our lives and I could care less about my own but I couldn't let that happen to you. And how do you think I feel? It happened anyway." Thor couldn't keep his voice down this time and it cracked at the end. He leaned heavily into the wall, hiding his face in his hand. "Damnit."

Thor's confession absolutely froze Loki, and he shook his head slightly as he watched his brother, tears springing to his eyes as a representation of multiple emotions. The reality of Thor's motives absolutely crumbled the situations Loki had himself created and lived with for so many years, which had driven him mad anyway, as the blond had even said. Everything turned out wrong, it was all so wrong, and knowing the truth now added to the lead in the younger brother's chest. "No," he managed to breathe, his body subconsciously taking him over to his older brother and reaching out to turn that chin to look at him, pleading for this cruel reality to not be, even though he knew and hated that it was, "No, please, you don't get to tell that to me now. You don't. You can't -"

Thor tried not to look when Loki forced his head over, but he couldn't help it. He met his brother's green eyes and the intense pained look in them made him wonder if he shouldn't have just left the illusion alone, kept the truth to himself. It was also the first time that the younger man had touched him in a long, long amount of time. "I'm sorry," he whispered out, his breath catching in his throat. Loki was too close, far too close and he couldn't stop himself as he reached to hold a hand gently against the pale white skin he used to know the feel of so well. His fingers were trembling as he touched his brother's face.

Inhaling quickly as he felt the rough touch of his brother for the first time in so long, he said in a strained voice, "Why did you never tell me?" Loki felt exhausted with this type of question - he'd asked it so many times over the years but always to the same two men, and every time he'd felt more raw than he'd ever wanted to be in front of either of them. He shook his head as if to shake off the tears still welling in his eyes, burning with foremost anger and regret, not allowing himself to acknowledge the other reasons. He just didn't understand any of this.

Pausing, Thor took a step back before he tried to answer. He couldn't handle being so close to his brother while they talked about this. "You never _let_ me explain .. and after that I was just too stubborn to bother any longer. And ... I wasn't even sure if you'd believe me." He could feel the tangle of emotions practically rolling off of Loki and he started to doubt that they'd ever be able to put things back together at this point. To finally have the younger man back, but to still be apart from him in a way with no chance of it changing .. his chest tightened at the thought. He crossed his arms again and looked down, unable to watch the pain in his brother's eyes any longer.

"Don't you dare look away from me," Loki suddenly demanded, his voice shaking with raw emotion. This was the fault of both of them - Thor was right, Loki never had let him explain, but they'd both caused each other undeniable amounts of pain and seeing his brother not want to deal with it in some strange reason by refusing to look at him further. "You realize you almost never look at me the duration of any time you hurt me? You pick a moment, either during or after the shock sets in, you pick which moment would hurt _you_ less to see. But you never get the full picture to own up to any of this. Own up, damn it! _Look at me_!"

Gritting his teeth, Thor snapped his head back up right away, his ice blue eyes meeting Loki's. He had no idea what could be read in his own expression, especially as he could feel tears forming himself, something he did not want his brother to see. It was a little hypocritical of him to not want the younger man to see his weaknesses but expect Loki to reveal all of his own .. but he always wanted to be the strong one, the one that could be relied upon. His own personal battles he chose to fight alone. "Is this what you wanted to see?" he forced out, not even sure what they were particularly arguing about anymore, just that they were both very damaged and both very unstable that moment.

A shuddery breath found its way past Loki's lips, running his hands through his hair at what he saw in his brother's eyes. They stayed locked as if they were still fighting and still needing each other all at once, and they were too physically far apart to be communicating like this but somehow they managed. "Do you still love me?" Loki finally cut through the silence.

Thor knew the answer as soon as Loki had asked the question, he'd always known. He hesitated on how to reply regardless though. By all rights, he should say no. After all they had been through together, after all they'd done to hurt each other, he should have moved on. He might even have, the possibility was there .. but so was the truth. He took a step towards his brother, barely resisting the automatic urge in him to pull Loki close. "Yes," he admitted, almost breathlessly, fighting to get the word out. "I never stopped loving you."

"Fuck," Loki breathed as another whirlwind hit him at the affirmation. He'd known it was coming but it hit him square in the chest to hear Thor admit it, which he inwardly gave him credit for especially since Loki knew he wouldn't be able to admit the same, despite how true it may be. Having rarely been the one to give in like this before, he shook his head again and moved to take his brother's face in his hands, pulling him in for a rough kiss, a pained sound escaping his lips as soon as they touched.

Returning the kiss just as roughly, Thor pulled his brother against him. He gasped at the strange thrill running through him. Pain mingled in with the pleasure of feeling Loki's body pressed to his own after so long. His fingers twisted restlessly in the fabric of the younger man's clothes, unsure how far this would go; if his brother would regain his senses and push him away.

Another agonized moan found its way from Loki's mouth to Thor's as he was pulled close, rolling his body against the man he still wanted and could never truly deny. He was soon gasping into the kiss as those fingers curled in his clothes, the contact killing them both and he knew he should pull away for his own sake but he absolutely couldn't. It had been too long and it felt so good that it hurt.

Feeling Loki react to him, Thor quickly pulled on his brother's clothes, trying not to rip them up as he removed them, but at the moment not really caring. All he knew was that he wanted them off. He pressed the younger man against the wall behind them, his hands running over Loki's now bare chest. His lips drifted down and he bit into the curve of his brother's neck, not soft at all as he aimed to leave marks there.

Loki pressed his head back against the wall through already gasping breaths, fingers moving nimbly and yet shakily to undo Thor's pants before hoisting himself to wrap his legs around his brother's waist as an anchor, fingers tangling in the blonde hair and his breath in Thor's ear while those lips still bit into his skin.

"Always impatient." Thor accused his brother before licking his own fingers to make them slick. Keeping Loki balanced against the wall, he reached to press one inside the younger man. His brother's lips were still close to his ear and he shuddered a little at being able to hear every shift in Loki's breath. He pushed another finger inside, going as quickly as he could without hurting Loki.

"U-Uhn," the younger managed in a shuddery voice, clenching his legs a little tighter to keep his balance, nothing having entered him in such a long time. Loki bit desperately at Thor's ear, remembering previous nights together just by the touches and wondering how he could have almost let himself forget what this could feel like.

Thor drew in a sharp breath at his brother's soft tone, at the feeling of Loki's teeth on his skin. He pushed the last finger in, pressing them in deeply before finally removing them. He only pushed the clothing he was wearing out of the way, too much in a rush to be inside Loki again. He slid into his brother slowly, now letting his breath out in a gasp at how tight the younger man was.

When Thor eased into him, Loki felt his head fall back once again, pressing it against the wall, a heavy moan mixed with both pleasure and pain escaping his lips as if being pushed out. His breathing was shuddering already just at the feelings, hands dropping to Thor's shoulders and shaking as they gripped the fabric that was beginning to cling to his older brother's body.

Hesitating barely a moment when he was completely inside his brother, Thor repeated the motion, moaning at the feeling. It had been too long, far too long and the sensation of being with Loki again was almost overwhelming. Their bodies slid together as they both moved, so close to each other that neither could hide anything.

Clenching his legs harder around Thor's waist as they moved together, Loki gasped at the heightened sensation and dug his nails deeper into his brother's shoulders, sure he could feel them through the fabric. "Ah- _ah_ -"

"Loki .. ahn, L-Loki," Thor murmured his brother's name, actually liking the way it came off his lips in that kind of tone again. He picked up the pace of his motions, making sure their bodies met at just the right time, remembering what the younger man liked to feel. The nails scratching him through the fabric of his shirt only made him want his brother more.

The moan that fell from Loki's lips then was filled with more pleasure than before and was desperately uninhibited as well. Thor still knew exactly what to do to him and he could feel them both losing their control every second, wondering just how they lost themselves like this. He found himself pleading for more.

Thor shuddered at the request and unable to deny Loki at all, he pushed into his brother harder. He so easily could forget everything else when he was with the younger man, forget that there was anything other than Loki and himself. He trembled against his brother, unsure how much longer either of them could hold out, especially with the position they were in. Still shaking, he managed to place a kiss on the side of Loki's neck.

Letting his head tilt to expose more of his neck for Thor, Loki gasped out a heavy " _Oh, yes, Thor_ -" and shuddered at the feel of uttering that name again in this context. His position against the wall was helping to drive the older brother perfectly into him and he could tell by not just their voices but the pattern of their breaths that they were both already close. His hands moved to scratch at the wall on either side of his head, helping steady him, groaning heavily.

Moaning when Loki said his name, Thor made his motions shorter. His lips covered his brother's for a second, nipping at his bottom lip as he pulled away again. The blonde's nails scratched along Loki's skin where he held them, keeping his brother against the wall as the pace became desperate. "You can .. let go, Loki," he managed to speak, his voice thick as he implied that he meant far more than just that moment.

For a brief moment in the haze, Loki wondered if Thor realized how difficult the severity of his question was, and wasn't sure he'd ever be able to truly let go in the way he was being prompted. The way they were moving against one another, however, made it all the simpler in this situation and he took only a few more of the short thrusts before coming with an intense groan, shaking in his aftermath with the effort it took to keep his legs around Thor and therefore retain any balance.

Loki's voice very quickly pushed Thor over the edge as well, and he came not too long after his brother. Even his own limbs felt shaky as he very slowly shifted both of them down until they were on the floor, Loki's legs still loosely around his waist. He leaned back on his hands, his hair falling in his eyes. As he tried to catch his breath, he watched the younger man, knowing that their short lapse in sense wouldn't change what they'd been talking about prior. He clenched and unclenched his hands, forcing his cloudy mind to think more lightly. "This .. seems to happen to us a lot," he managed to get out.

Loki let himself rest against the wall once he and Thor were on the floor, still entangled to an extent. He tried to catch his breath as well, covering his face with his hands before sliding his fingers to thread in his hair. "I will admit, it's an eerily familiar situation," he eventually breathed in agreement.

Thor couldn't help but let out a small sigh of relief that his brother hadn't immediately pulled away from him, physically or metaphorically. He tried to choke back the frantic feeling that was welling up inside of him now that he was starting to feel more clear-headed. He brushed his hair out of his eyes, taking in Loki's form in front of him. Impulsively, but still with an edge of hesitation, he leaned forward to place his hand gently on his brother's face again. He met the younger man's gaze, but none of the many things he could say were making their way to his lips. Instead he just silently, almost painfully, kept looking at Loki.

A chilled and shaking breath automatically fell from Loki's lips at the touch. He brought his hand up to his brother's wrist, almost feeling himself lean into the hand on his face, but instead he squeezed his eyes shut and slowly shook his head before pressing down on Thor's wrist to take the touch away. This would never work again, not like it used to, especially with everything Loki was still working through individually, and the bad blood that they were still wading through. But they could never stay away again either, that much had just been proven. They were stuck somewhere in the middleground now, a place devoid of options.

Withdrawing his hand from Loki's grasp, Thor returned to pressing his nails into his palm. He didn't move away from his brother though, he couldn't anyway, he was still attempting to keep his emotions in check and not doing too well with it. "I never wanted to hurt you," he finally said, but the words were barely audible, as if he didn't have enough breath to say them with.

After a thick silence, Loki eerily began to laugh, almost completely without humor, instead full with irony and pain. "It's strange how intentions work," he said at the tail end of his laughter. "They seem so important as our motive. You want them to be the thing that counts. But over time, intentions become nothing in the face of reality. They fade into the background to almost be forgotten until they can come back to haunt you, remind you of what they were."

Although he knew Loki hated it, Thor had to look away. He couldn't stand seeing that strange look in his brother's eyes, especially not when he remembered how the younger man used to be, years and years ago. He couldn't force himself to leave though; he stubbornly wanted to change Loki's mind, to try to get back the brother he used to know. At the same time, the horrible icy knowledge that his brother would never be that way again rushed through him. "Why do you always twist things into the way you think they are?" he finally replied, trying not to feel angry towards Loki.

"Because I'm a horrible person," Loki admitted with strange clarity and disconnect. "I can't see you, even though I want to. Part of me wants to try to understand you and the other actively wants to hold you just at arms reach..." he leaned forward and pulled Thor close so their faces were centimeters away, "right here, forever, unable to bridge this gap, because a large portion of me feels like you deserve it, however true or untrue it may be. I do this and I twist things because I'm horrible. How you managed to love me anyway is absolutely beyond me."

"Loki," Thor began through gritted teeth. "You are _not_ a horrible person. And maybe I do deserve to have you treat me this way, maybe because I made a wrong choice, I don't know. I do love you, I've always loved you and I will always love you." He used the advantage of their closeness to kiss his brother lightly before continuing, his voice softer this time. "If that's not enough for you to even consider that we attempt to work this out, then there's nothing I can do. But in doing so, you know you're not just hurting me, you're hurting yourself. So who are you really trying to punish?"

Gasping quietly at the softness of the kiss, a type he hadn't felt for quite some time, Loki surveyed Thor's face for a long moment, truly considering those words and even letting himself process them. He felt something tug inside of him as if it was trying to give way, but he wasn't sure exactly what - all he knew was he was actually at a loss for words now, and he merely let out a long breath as he leaned forward to rest his forehead on his brother's collarbone.

Thor sighed gently, reaching to thread his fingers in Loki's hair. He hoped this could be some kind of turning point for them. Where they'd go or even if it was, he wasn't sure .. but as long as there was some faint glimmer of hope there, he was too stubborn to give up. He couldn't fathom what the thoughts in his brother's mind were like, but he seemed to at least be thinking everything over again.

"Why couldn't I just hate you?" Loki eventually breathed, his hands moving to wrap around Thor and keep him close, taking comfort in his brother which had never been his intention ever again. But Thor was right. It was strange to admit, even to himself, but he was.

Laughing gently at the way Loki chose to express his version of 'love', Thor embraced his younger brother. He let out a shuddering breath, it being a far too obvious sign at how much tension he also released with it, before he spoke. "I don't know. But I'm rather glad about it."

"No, you're not, you're stuck with a crazy person," Loki murmured blankly into the crook of Thor's neck, feeling the tension release from his brother, his own dampening slightly as if being encouraged by the other's release.

"Since when has anyone thought _me_ sane, brother?" Thor scoffed in return, his fingers now rubbing gentle circles in Loki's back.

"I suppose it depends on who you ask, but I never had faith in your sanity for a moment," the younger responded in a breathy almost-laugh, pulling away just enough to look into Thor's eyes, but not away from the touches on his back. "I hope - I hope you're prepared for fixing this," Loki suddenly said, totally serious. "We're going to fight. A lot. And it's not going to be easy because we might be okay one moment and then completely not the next. But - I _am_ tired of punishing you. And myself."

"I understand that .. but I will do it. If it means being with you Loki, I'd do almost anything." Thor admitted the last part in an almost whisper. His sensible side was trying to tell him not to reveal something so vulnerable to someone who had hurt him so much but he wanted to trust his brother again.

Sighing slightly at the confession, Loki ignored the twisting part inside of him that wanted to hop all over that because the rest of him was grateful to hear it and just wanted the pain of this night to end, wanted to be near his brother without any of the past pretenses even though he could not let them go. He shakily rose to his feet and offered his hand to the blonde, not bothering to redress himself. "Lie with me?" he asked softly.

"Of course." Thor answered, taking Loki's hand. He mostly got up using his own strength though, seeing his brother was still shaky from before. He followed the younger man to his bed, climbing in beside him and pulling him close.

Loki relaxed far too easily into Thor holding him close, lying with him in silence, trying to remember the last time they did this. Eventually he let out a small laugh and said sleepily, "Oh. By the way. If Àsleikr asks us how we came to this conclusion of working things out...how about we conveniently leave out the part where we had sex against a wall?"

Thor couldn't help but laugh at that, both the statement and the sleepy tone in his brother's voice. "I don't believe we need to scar the poor boy with that detail, no." He kissed Loki on the forehead. "But it was amazing, in my opinion." He tacked on in a murmur.

Snorting in amusement, Loki craned his neck to press a kiss to Thor's jawline, purring teasingly before murmuring in agreement, "Oh, it was definitely amazing, no question." He paused for a moment before he joked, "On second thought, maybe we should tell him, being that it was so fantastic and all."

"Oh, I'm sure he'd be pleased to know exactly what we do alone," Thor replied in the same manner. Waves of calm actually washed over him at how easily he fell back into being comfortable around Loki.

With a shake of his head and a slight smile, Loki shifted slightly to be more comfortable against Thor, realizing he could fall asleep right here and now. He hadn't been able to easily fall asleep in a long time and he certainly hadn't thought it'd be possible with his brother anymore, but his core would always respond this way, it seemed. He'd just have to trust his core was right.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the part my fanfic "Your One and Only" picks up at, and I will hopefully be adding that to my list of works on here shortly. Posting this fic is a bit of an undertaking. Thanks for your understanding.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to come right out and say this arc of the story isn't something I particularly like but I can't just remove it because it would affect too much of the future chapters. My former roleplay partner had the idea, and I had a bit of a case of tunnel-vision, as you'd say, and despite having misgivings, I agreed to it. The whole thing made me feel awkward but, meh. Hopefully it's written well enough to be okay, haha. Half-credit goes to my former roleplay partner.

**_Heavy In Your Arms_ **

_Chapter Seven_

Sif was sitting in the dining hall, taking in the emptiness and finding it somewhat comforting being that she hadn't had much time by herself lately, and the dining hall during non eating hours was certainly the best time to be alone. With the exception of occasionally Volstagg. Out of the corner of her eye she saw movement and turned to see Thor walking by, who had also been incredibly busy lately - she assumed for good reasons but hadn't talked to him enough lately to actually know them. She called out to her friend.

Hearing Sif's voice, Thor paused and turned to look, seeing her sitting alone at a table. He entered the room, smiling as he sat down across from her. They hadn't gotten a chance to talk in long, long time, and it was kind of refreshing to see his friend again. "How are things with you, Sif?" he began, genuinely wondering what she had been up to.

About to actually respond as he sat down, Sif paused when she actually surveyed Thor and instead her mouth simply dropped open. "You - !" She flailed slightly and gestured to him. "I can't believe you - ahh!"

Thor shook his head at her. He unfortunately had known her long enough to realize what she was freaking out about. "Oh, I forgot how you do that .. yeah. I did." he admitted to her sheepishly.

Stumbling over her words for another few moments after Thor admitted it, she finally composed herself enough to ask, "How? I thought you two were really on the outs this time, being that he's still...touchy. Or was it one of those lapse in judgment things? You do have a problem with that."

Putting his head in his hands, Thor took a minute to answer. "It's complicated .. as usual with him." He wondered for a second if Loki even knew how in depth he talked to Sif about this sort of thing, or what he'd think if he did know .. then he decided that was probably not a good thing to dwell on and focused on the moment instead. "But .. it started out as a lapse in judgment ... and then it wasn't anymore." He pushed his hand through his hair thoughtfully. His emotions about the night were a little tangled up, ranging anywhere from relieved to hurt or from cautious to excited.

Raising her eyebrows somewhat in disbelief but certainly not in any negative connotation, Sif made a thoughtful sound. She'd always had a suspicion that Thor and Loki would never truly be able to separate themselves from each other, although that faith had been tested for the brief period that Loki was on the throne. It wasn't a time she liked to think about. But it seemed she'd been right after all. "...does that mean he actually agreed to trying to work things out?" she asked hesitantly.

Thor looked away as he spoke. "We both know nothing can ever be how it was .. but we both agreed we need to try to move on from the past." He turned back, looking at Sif a little sadly. "I just hope that trying is good enough. Not just for him and I but for Àsleikr's sake as well."

Sif nodded in agreement and crossed her arms on the table, forgetting manners around her closest friend. "Àsleikr worries about the two of you, you know. He doesn't say anything to you, I don't know why, but I think it's because he doesn't want to push his luck," she laughed slightly. "But he does. So it's good you're trying, also because I think it will be good for you and Loki on top of easing your son's woes." There was a pause. "And don't tell Àsleikr I told you that. He'd kill me."

Finally laughing at the last thing Sif said, Thor smiled again for a moment. "I promise not to say a word to him. But," he began, a more serious look on his face now. "I don't like that he worries about us. I mean .. I can obviously see why, but the last thing I want him to do is worry. I know this is going to be really hard but I am determined to change things."

Letting out a frustrated sound, Sif laughed within it before saying, "He certainly is your son. You are both frustratingly overprotective of the people you care about at your own expense." She reached out and patted Thor's arm before saying, "And I'm also glad Loki's willing to try, as well. I feel it'll be easier over time that way despite the initial difficulties. Oh, and one more thing..." Sif cleared her throat and smirked evilly, "was it great?"

Looking back and forth almost as if to make sure Loki or anyone else wasn't listening, Thor leaned across the table towards Sif a little. Giving her a similar smirk, he replied, "Of course it was."

Biting back her laughter and failing, Sif pressed her forehead to the table for a moment before looking back up at Thor, the devilish and genuinely amused smile still on her face. "You _two_ ," she teased through forced back laughter. "And I'm so deprived I'm really almost tempted to ask for details, but then I'm certain I'd just feel awful about myself getting my kicks through my best friend's sex life."

"I'm almost tempted to tell you but with my luck, as you remember from before, the second I started to tell you anything, I bet Loki would be directly behind me. And it wouldn't be a pretty scene after that ..." Thor replied with an equally amused look.

"Well at least this time you aren't telling me he's pregnant," she joked in return. It was amazing how time made it possible for them to joke about the whole thing. Although that moment had been hysterical regardless.

"Oh, again. I think he'd literally kill me if that happened again." Thor frowned. "And I wish I were kidding about that."

Sif burst out laughing despite the fact that Thor was definitely not kidding and said simply to freak out her friend and rub it in his face, "See? You can't just go randomly having sex with him, you have to be careful!"

Thor's eyes narrowed for a moment. "Hm. You know, I guess you're right about that. Discretion hasn't really been one of Loki and I's strong qualities though."

"So I've noticed," Sif responded in a purposefully blank tone, continuing on with her joke, "But don't come crying to me when, well, there's more crying in the palace."

"Hahaha." Thor replied sarcastically. "But seriously, I don't think that will be a problem."

"If you say so," she chimed in with a sing-song tone.

\--

Àsleikr sighed as he took a seat on the steps outside of where Sif and him had been training. Or more like where Sif had kicked his ass since he really didn't know anything about what he was doing. He was good at sports, sure, but this was different. He was good-natured about it though. Leaning back on his hands, he took in the view, reflecting on just how much time he had been spending with the warrior lately.

"You're improving," Sif said with a breathy laugh as she sat down on the step just below Àsleikr, resting her weapon next to her. "Although I think it's in your blood not to listen to me when I try to give advice," she joked. "The only reason Thor can get away with that is because he has Mjolnir, so it doesn't work as well for you." As her breath calmed down from the training, she let her hair fall from her topknot and shook it out before retying it into a lower and looser one.

"Well, we can't all have fancy hammers," Àsleikr retorted, glancing over. He caught himself watching Sif a little too intently as she fixed her hair and forced himself to look away, attempting to keep his mind on other things. He tried to reassure himself it was nothing to no real avail.

Shifting her gaze to Àsleikr, she caught his eye for a moment and was immediately overcome with the need to say something as if there was something awkward simply about making eye contact. "Eventually you'll find something that sparks you."

"I hope so." Àsleikr replied, a bit too seriously. He leaned forward this time, resting his arms on his knees. It didn't really matter how much he tried to make himself not think about Sif; doing that made him think about her even more. He brushed a hand through his hair nervously. It was times like that that he overthought things too much, and while usually comfortable in her presence, now he wasn't. He stared straight ahead intently, almost afraid to meet her eyes again.

Biting her lower lip as she watched the young man, Sif was hesitant about reaching out to touch Àsleikr, mostly because of how much she wanted to and knew she shouldn't. She was centuries older than him, but whenever she was around him and not being aware of her every move, they were both incredibly close and candid. It helped her feel lighthearted, although it also made her worry about him twice as much. "...are you alright?" she asked after a few moments of silence in the dimming outdoor light.

"I'm fine," he responded right away, too stubborn to admit otherwise. He glanced back at her and gave her a small smile and a nod before turning his gaze away again, and hoped it be enough to fool her, but he kind of doubted it would.

Sif raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips, not buying that for a moment. "I've known both Thor and Loki long enough to know you're lying," she called him out in a somewhat blank voice. "You can't possibly hide from me."

Àsleikr shook his head. "Damn." he muttered the word under his breath. "I've just been overthinking some things lately, it's really not that big of deal." The teenager replied as he sat back and leaned on his hands again, trying to look nonchalant.

Letting out a breath, her heart twisting slightly for multiple reasons, not wanting to admit any of them because they all involved Àsleikr in ways she was hoping not to think of him, nor did she want to give herself false hope. Sif sprawled out slightly on the steps, resting her elbow on the stair above her and leaning against it. "I worry about you, you know. I really do..."

Finally Àsleikr looked over at Sif and the expression on her face honestly hurt him a little. He didn't want to worry her. "Hey, look, it's really going to be fine. I know you worry ... but you don't have to." He hesitantly reached over and patted her hand gently, his fingers maybe lingering over hers a bit longer then they should have.

Attempting not to blush at the lingering contact, Sif took Àsleikr's hand in a moment of boldness as it pulled away and gave it a squeeze before letting go. "I will anyway," she said stubbornly. "But if you say it's going to be fine, I won't push you."

"It will be." Murmuring his words, Àsleikr thought he saw Sif's face turn the slightest shade of pink, but no .. he had to have just imagined that. There was no reason for her to ...

Loki had been taking a walk with Thor, although neither of them had been saying much. Quiet walks had proved to be quite useful to them both in getting to be comfortable with each other again, but without the pressure of conversation to set either of them off. As they passed an open doorway, Loki paused for a moment, seeing his son and Sif sitting candidly and closely in the midst of their own conversation.

Feeling Loki stop next to him, Thor stopped as well and looked back to see his brother gazing outside. He did as well, seeing the pair. He tried to stifle a slight chuckle at the sight, not sure what Loki might be thinking of the situation. It was obvious to him what was going on and considering his own choices of a partner, he didn't really feel he had a right to find anything wrong with it in the first place. "We should go, Loki." he urged his brother softly.

"You don't think they're spending too much time together lately?" Loki asked in a slightly overprotective voice, nevertheless following Thor's urging, although he kept his eyes on the two like a hawk as long as he could before they were out of sight.

"Not particularly," Thor answered, as if it wasn't anything to worry about. "Why? Do you have some suspicions?"

Crossing his arms disgruntledly, perhaps also partially in denial, Loki murmured in a falsely over-agreeing tone, "Not if you don't, dear."

"I'm sure everything is fine .. _honey_." Thor's tone was also overly sweet and slightly sarcastic, but his expression was sincere and he hoped to make Loki lighten up a little.

"Don't push it," Loki responded and pointed at Thor, although he was smiling in any right.

"Fine, fine." Thor replied. He put his arm around Loki and kissed him softly.

Humming slightly into the kiss, Loki forced himself to make a face at Thor when they pulled away. The face didn't last long, though, being that he immediately followed it with an amused, "...I keep forgetting we're allowed to do that in public now."

Thor laughed, keeping his arm firmly around his brother. "It's kind of nice, isn't it?" His lips were still close to Loki's as he spoke.

"A little bit, yeah, especially cause it still feels like breaking the rules," Loki purred, his hands resting teasingly against Thor's chest, just barely nipping at his lower lip.

"I know how much you like it," Thor pulled Loki against him. "But there are still some things we can't do in the hallway." Regardless of his own words, he leaned down to kiss his brother again, much less lightly.

"Mmm," the younger moaned against the blonde's lips, squirming slightly in his arms, "not fair, you turning me on in the hallways anyway..."

"I suppose we'll have to leave the hallway then." Thor stole one more kiss from Loki before leading him towards a room not far from where they were.

\--

Sif stood by the table of sweets at the party attended by what felt like most of Asgard, surveying the fray of the room as she somewhat quietly sipped her drink. She managed to catch Àsleikr's eyes from across the room and waved at him, although she knew better than to call him over cause he and Loki were always joined at the hip during these parties as the two of them adjusted. They were usually closely followed by Thor, who she didn't see, probably because she was too busy focusing on staring at his son to realize that he was right next to her.

"Hey, Sif." Thor said when he was directly next to her, hoping to make her jump. "What are you looking at? Something interesting?" He managed to put an innocent expression on his face, staring across the room as if searching for what she was so focused on.

Almost dropping her drink at how startled she was to hear Thor's voice, Sif put her hand on her heart as she breathed in recovery. "I had no idea you could be so sneaky - I thought your brother was the one with that ability!"

"Yes, that is something Loki is particularly gifted at. Ah, I see. You're looking over at him and Àsleikr .. now, why could that be?" Thor tried not to smirk as he returned the conversation to it's proper course.

"I can definitely say I have no idea what you're talking about," Sif responded in a blank tone, her heart twisting a little and hoping he wasn't insinuating what she thought he was. That was supposed to be a secret and remain a secret and there was no way he could know.

Crossing his arms, Thor looked at her seriously. "I definitely believe you do." His expression was one of concern, not anger. He really just wanted confirmation if that what he had guessed was true.

Scrunching her face up defiantly, she halfway crossed her arms in return but also took another drink, making it even more impossible for her to respond as she swallowed.

"Please, Sif, I already know you like him, so you mightaswell just get it out." Thor said in frustration. He didn't want to spend the entire night trying to coax it out of her; also he didn't think he had the patience for that either.

Sif blushed a deep shade at being called out, not liking the feeling much especially since she'd been so keen on hiding from it herself. "Do we have to talk about this here?"

"We can go somewhere else to talk if you really want." Thor glanced across the room to see what Loki and Àsleikr were up to. They were talking and didn't seem to be paying attention to him and Sif at all.

"I really would, if you insist on continuing to discuss this madness that isn't really that big of a deal," Sif said in a falsely sweet tone. She still wasn't comfortable with it because she was still prepared to deny any feelings and even though Thor was her best friend, he was still the object-of-potential-affection's father.

"Oh, sure sure." Thor rolled his eyes at her. It was slightly amusing to him that everyone around him seemed to be in denial of the entire thing. Though with Loki, that might not be such a bad thing -- for now. He nodded towards nearby doors that led outside and they managed to slink out of the party without too much notice. The night was rather cool, but he liked it opposed to the stuffy room they'd just came from.

Taking a deep breath as they stepped outside and then another drink from her goblet, Sif ran her free hand through her hair and shrugged, comfortable enough with the distance from the rest of the party to at least say, "How are you not completely put off by this?"

"Sif. The love of my life is someone I once believed to be my blood brother. There are multiple things that are supposedly 'wrong' about my relationship. Do you really think I have a place to judge whom other people fall in love with? I know he's my son, but you're also my best friend. And I trust you not to hurt him." Thor had been over this already many times in his mind. Sif had also been there for him, not just when she found out that he was with Loki, but when she found out Loki was going to have Àsleikr as well. He owed it to her to believe in her.

"I..." it was hard to come up with a response to that. Sif looked down into her glass and swirled it. She knew Thor would understand not having a place to judge, and she had accepted him any way when she'd first figured out the nature of his relationship with Loki. It was only obvious he'd do the same for her. "I still feel dirty," she admitted. "Just even thinking about it being a possibility. Like I'm mentally taking advantage of a child."

Thor let out a breath thoughtfully. "I can see where you're coming from, but he is still an adult. And he can make choices for himself. That's something you'll have to come to terms with though, if that's something you can handle. I want you to be happy, and I want him to be happy. And if you two being together makes that so .. well, of course I'm going to be for it."

Letting herself smile with a combination of hesitance and being genuinely touched, Sif finished her drink and set the goblet on the stand of one of the statues. "You're right, of course. Make sense of that. I just...don't know. I feel like I'm making my mind read like he's thinking the same way as I am, but I can never be sure - with the other men of Asgard it's easy to tell but it's difficult with Àsleikr because he's so young and he's also your child, and influenced by Midgard...plenty of things making me feel like I'm imagining it."

"If you want my opinion, honestly, I think he probably feels the same way. I think you should just talk to him about it .. you can always be indirect. I can imagine you don't want to get rejected either .. but I really think your chances are good." Thor paused. "You know it's a little strange giving my best friend dating advice about my son .. but I'm okay with it."

Sif let out a small laugh, "I bet it must be strange. It's strange for me to see you so incredibly enthusiastic about this - you should really see yourself. Are you sure you want to encourage this though?" her tone took on a more playful tone, "You know this won't sit well with Loki. It might lose you some points with him."

"I am worried about what Loki is going to think .. but honestly I don't think he'd be particularly nice to anyone who was going to date Àsleikr. But I think if he sees that his son is happy, then he'll really have no choice to eventually give in as well. And at any rate, things with my brother are getting better, but it wouldn't be new for me to have him angry at me on regular intervals." Thor cringed slightly, mostly just kidding, but with a twinge of seriousness behind his joke.

Taking a moment to really look at Thor and focusing on that serious part of his soul behind his joke, Sif smiled slightly and said seriously, "I can tell you truly love him, you know. It's hard to see you fight, but it's not the kind of fighting you normally see, like it really is a rough patch on a way to healing rather than careening towards an ending. But still, I would never be able to have the endurance to get through what both of you are getting through. It really does amaze me."

Thor gave her a small smile. "Thanks, Sif. It's sort of nice to hear that from someone who is on the outside of everything. And a little encouraging as well."

"Well, I do believe in you both," she said and reached out to gently pat Thor's arm, honest about how she felt and at the same time thankful the attention was shifting from her.

"As much as I do appreciate your support, Sif, you're not going to change the subject so easily." Thor crossed his arms again. "I don't want to push you or anything .. but I do think you should talk to Àsleikr."

Sif shut her mouth and shook her head quickly and almost immediately, much in the fashion of a terrified five year old confronted with the decision of whether or not to ask another child to play with them.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Thor shook his head. "I'm only trying to help you, Sif. It's your loss."

"Look, I know," she said quietly, running her hand through her hair. "It's just...hard for me to even think about. I -" there was a moment where she shook her head to recompose herself before continuing, "I really care about him. And I don't want to ruin the support I've built for him with my feelings. Because they're far stronger than they should be," Sif admitted with a slight shake in her voice. "They are. I need to keep being the person he needs me to be in his life, not put the whole relationship in jeopardy because of the person I want to be."

"He might want you to be the person you want to be as well. Did you ever think of that?" Thor shrugged at her as if the cause was hopeless. "I said my part; you can choose what path you think is fit, but you need to think things over a little more."

There was a very long moment of silence between them, only punctuated by the background noise of the party inside. She finally swallowed her pride and said in a soft and completely serious voice, "...I will."

"Okay .. and also, we should probably get back into the party now. We've been gone a long time." Thor suggested. He was glad Sif was going to think about it more; he just hoped she'd come to the conclusion to talk to Àsleikr.

Sighing overdramatically, Sif agreed, "I suppoooose. Especially since it's so obvious that whenever we slip out together it's for completely inappropriate reasons." She stopped for a moment to ponder. "Oh wait. That was always you and Loki. And sometimes you never rejoined the party," she reminded him with a wink.

"That was always Loki's fault." Thor lied, simply smirking back at Sif.

"I'm absolutely sure it was," she retorted in a voice that clearly meant the opposite, a devious smile on her face.

\--

Taking a deep breath, Àsleikr started across the field where Sif was. He had finally decided to talk to her about how she had been acting lately. Truthfully, he was rather nervous about it himself, all the theories he had come up with tended to just complicate his thoughts more. He was worried about her though so that overcame everything else. "Sif!" he called out to her as he approached her.

The reality of Àsleikr's voice cutting through her overstrenuous exercises, her thoughts having been intense especially on the particular subject that had broken her trances, Sif stopped and stared at him immediately as he approached. "À-Àsleikr..." she said in a faraway sounding voice.

"I know you're busy but is it okay if we talked for a little bit?" Àsleikr asked, getting a bit more worried at the tone in Sif's voice. He tried not to frown as he asked; though he assumed he still looked nervous.

"...of course it is," she responded hesitantly, setting her training weapon on the ground next to her, unsure if she would at all like the outcome of this. Sif knew she'd been distant trying to figure things out within herself, especially pertaining to Àsleikr, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to confront it. But she didn't have any choice, if that's what this was about.

"I've been kind of .. worried about you. I mean, well .. we used to talk all the time and now we don't talk as much. And when we do, you kind of seem like .. you're not really all there. Is there something wrong? Did I do something maybe?" Àsleikr spoke the first things that came to his mind, wanting to know the answers rather than dodge the real issue with vague questions.

Sif was immediately apologetic when she saw the confusion in Àsleikr's eyes and heard it in his voice. "No," she responded honestly. "No, not at all. I've just had a lot to think about lately and I...yes, I have been distant. But it's not your fault." The warrior paused for a moment. "Well. It's - no, I'll stand by that. Definitely not your fault." She laughed nervously.

Àsleikr studied Sif's face for a moment, realizing her expression mirrored his own. But .. why was she nervous? "Can you talk to me about it then?" he pleaded, unsure of what else to say.

"I could try," Sif said with another breathy and nervous chuckle, her gaze dropping to her feet for a moment before forcing herself to return to Àsleikr's eyes. "But I'm warning you...I might fail greatly."

"At least try," Àsleikr urged her. He wanted to comfort her in some way, it was obvious this was hard for her, but he stayed frozen in place where he was. He was scared and anxious all at once to know what had been on her mind.

Taking a deep breath and murmuring quietly, "Only for you," Sif composed herself, even going so far as to hold out her hands in front of her as if needing to physically steady herself. "I...I've had a lot on my mind lately and, while it mostly is an inner reflection it's - also about you." She paused for a moment and made a face when she realized how strange that sounded.

"I've .. been on your mind?" he repeated the words with an incredulous tone, not knowing if this was a good or bad thing. Àsleikr swallowed hard, shaking his head. "Go on .."

"I, um..." she began, realizing her voice was constricting now that she had to get out the important part. Sif didn't want to ruin this, she was so terrified to ruin this just by speaking a few words, because she needed Àsleikr in her life, and yet she knew in her fear of ruining it, she was pushing him away. "...sorry, this is far harder than it should be."

Finally Àsleikr reached out and took her hands in his own. "Just tell me, Sif. Please."

Gasping and tensing as Àsleikr took her hands in his own, Sif felt herself smiling slightly and squeezing them gingerly. "I - I don't want to ruin what we have going for us, but...I want you in my life as...more than what we are," she managed to force out quietly. She wasn't used to being so sheepish in any aspect of her life and was surprised at herself for even letting him see her in such a way. After a few moments of what felt like painfully long silence but probably wasn't nearly that lengthy, she looked up at him again and inquired, "Please, please tell me I'm not imagining this?"

Àsleikr could only stare back at Sif for a moment, knowing he was probably killing her with his silence but he found he couldn't seem to find anything half-intelligent to say. Mostly he was in disbelief that she felt the same way. He just couldn't see why .. but he definitely wasn't about to second-guess her. Holding her hands tightly, he managed to find words. "No .. no you're not imagining anything. I feel exactly the same." Although he was still shaking on the inside, he pressed his lips to hers gently, hoping to completely convince her.

Eyes widening in surprise at Àsleikr's words, the hopeful pickup of her heartbeat was confirmed when those lips found hers. Sif made a soft sound into the kiss and responded while keeping the gentleness behind it in tact. She interlocked her fingers with his as she eventually found herself smiling against his lips, relief and happiness flooding her system.

When Àsleikr pulled away, he sighed a bit in relief that they both knew now and a bit to release some of the tension he had built up. He smiled gently at Sif, squeezing her hands.

Unable to help returning the smile, she squeezed his hands before slowly sliding them to cup his face. Eventually, Sif started laughing again but far more genuinely than her nervous ones. "We are so stupid," she mused aloud.

"Little bit," Àsleikr agreed, laughing along with her. He rested his hand over hers. "I'm glad we're not being stupid anymore, though."

Rolling her eyes with a smile, Sif leaned up to kiss Àsleikr once again in agreement, her hands threading around his neck, reveling in the way his lips felt against hers. When they pulled away, she squinted slightly and mused in only a half-joking tone, "Your mother is going to destroy me, you realize."

Cringing slightly at the truth to that statement, Àsleikr shook his head. "I'll attempt to keep him from killing you. That would make me sad and he usually doesn't like that very much ... hopefully." Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her closer. "Really though, thanks for telling me."

Linking her fingers together behind his neck, Sif smiled slightly as she was pulled closer. "If you could even count that as me telling you. I basically babbled and you managed to get what I was talking about. ...still, you're welcome."

"At least you said something at all, I didn't say anything first. So your babbling is definitely better than my silence." Àsleikr assured her.

"My babbling, your silence...sounds like we'll make a good match," Sif agreed with a smirk and a twinkle in her eye.

\--

Loki wasn't even sure how to handle himself, especially with the strange but definitely heated emotions within him at the sight he'd witnessed completely by accident, and he knew Thor had to have something to do with it, he just absolutely knew it. He barged into his brother's room, kicking the door shut and making sounds that weren't really words with equally as ridiculous hand gestures.

Thor looked up at Loki and his unintelligible sounds for a moment in surprise but fairly quickly knew what had happened. "I suppose this means you've just found out about Àsleikr and Sif then?" he asked straightforwardly.

"I _knew it_!" Loki finally managed to find words, and pointed accusingly at his brother. "I _KNEW_ you had something to do with this! What and how and _why_?" he finished in a completely deadly tone.

It wasn't as if Thor hadn't expected Loki to be very angry with him, but it still wasn't pleasant. He let out a deep sigh and tried to gather up all the things he'd thought over to say. "I noticed they were spending alot of time together so .. I talked to both of them about everything and I guess they finally also talked to each other. As for why .." he drifted off at the end of that statement, trying to decide what to say.

"But..." scrunching his face angrily, Loki tried to find the right words to express what he was feeling, but they weren't coming to him, and he was not used to them not coming to him. "She was kissing my son, Thor. He's too young to be kissing someone who I've known for centuries. You need to tell me why."

"Loki, I understand how you feel, I do .. but she makes him happy. And that's what really matters here, isn't it? Do you really think Sif intends to hurt Àsleikr? He's not that young anymore. And even so, he needs to make his own mistakes. We can't protect him from everything." Thor knew it wouldn't be that easy to convince his brother. And it wasn't as if he didn't feel the same slight worry about the entire thing, but how he felt, as usual, meant less to him than that of the people he loved.

The younger brother let out a pathetic sound and deflated visibly. On some level Loki had known that Àsleikr and Sif had been heading in that direction but had denied it because he wasn't prepared to admit his child had grown up so fast, especially without him seeing it. He knew Thor was right and his older brother had basically only said things he'd been trying to convince himself of but it was near impossible with his parental emotions clouding his judgment. He grumbled almost too quietly for the other man to hear, almost hoping he didn't hear it, "But - defiling my baby..."

Thor somehow managed to keep himself from laughing at his brother's reaction. He gestured for Loki to come sit next to him, although he was unsure if the younger man would want to. "Please?" he tacked on at the end.

Crossing his arms and continuing to grumble unhappily, Loki begrudgingly made his way over and sat down next to his brother, staring forward with a slight pout and knowing he was being a complete baby about this, but he felt he was allowed. Especially before actually speaking to Àsleikr about it, when he'd have to have a remotely level head.

Gently wrapping a comforting arm around Loki, Thor was silent a moment. "What would you have said .. when we were much younger, if someone had told you they didn't want you and I to be together?" he finally asked.

Sighing and knowing where this was going but realizing he wasn't going to like the outcome, Loki admitted with a mutter as he leaned into Thor, "I would have told them to shove it. And then probably have physically made them shove it..."

Thor laughed and kissed his brother on the top of his head. "So you know you'd only make Àsleikr unhappy by telling him that." He pondered for a moment and added, "Also, you could just do what most mothers do and threaten Sif instead." He meant it entirely jokingly, but he wouldn't be surprised if Loki ended up doing that.

"Oh, you're kidding but I was completely planning on it," Loki said with minimal malice. He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair. "And I understand that Àsleikr is growing up, and that he's going to...well, that's he's -" the younger brother made a frustrated noise before giving up on that portion and just continuing, "It doesn't mean I'm ready to see it or that I'm thrilled about it. ...and I know you're her best friend, Thor, but if she hurts him, even though I logically understand it's not remotely her intention, there will be blood."

Although Thor was extremely positive that Loki was serious about what he said, he couldn't find it in him to worry. Sif could hold her own for one thing and other than that, he just admired his brother's dedication to their son. "You're his parent so you're allowed to feel that way. You need time to get used to the idea of everything. I know you want him to be happy too."

Leaning more into Thor, possibly without even thinking about it, Loki crossed his arms again and admitted, "Of course I do...I guess I just also wish he - would've told me before publicly sticking his tongue down her throat."

"Publicly?" Thor murmured. "Was it really public so to speak or were you checking up on them? And regardless of that, I wouldn't doubt that he's planning on talking to you."

"If it's public enough for my eyes to notice," Loki began in a somewhat playfully warning tone. "And I should hope so. I mean, he probably knows I'm not going to be jumping for joy yet but having him tell me I think would be helpful...it'll be easier to see how he feels when he's actually you know. Saying words." Shaking his head, Loki pinched the bridge of his nose and murmured with somewhat disdain, "Ahh, feelings..."

"What? You'd rather not have them?" Thor teased his brother, poking him gently in the side.

Rolling his eyes, Loki gently shoved the side of Thor's head. "Of course that's not what I meant, I just meant that it's - difficult how they're so uncontrollable at their core."As he said that, he felt a strange feeling in the air between them.

Thor froze for a second but managed to relax again. "That's true enough. You don't really think through feelings .. you just feel them." His voice was a little distant as he spoke.

"How true that is..." Loki trailed off, pressing his thumb into the palm of his other hand as a relaxation technique, his thoughts in many places. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but a flash of 'don't you dare' towards himself flashed across his eyes and he simply shook his head instead.

Also noticing his brother's hesitation, Thor frowned. "What is it, Loki? What were you going to say?"

"I suppose it doesn't really matter if you're here, honestly. It's just - been bothering me." Still twisting his hands together and running his thumbs along his palms, returning his gaze to them for a brief moment before making a point to look at Thor, "I mean, it certainly is hard to forget how much you changed in so short a time because of ...Midgard."

Looking back into Loki's eyes, Thor tried to choose his words carefully. "It was more than that," he spoke in a soft tone. "Being there was the catalyst that made me realize I couldn't keep going on the way I was. That life wasn't the black and white version I had made it to be." He sighed, disliking avoiding talking things over with his brother. He was through with lies. "You're really asking about .. _her_ , right?"

A soft and somewhat stubborn sigh made its way past Loki's lips, not liking the feelings stirring in him at bringing it up - there were many, none favorable, but especially him needing to admit weakness and insecurity to even ask about her. Nevertheless, he nodded silently.

Thor kept his arm tightly around his brother. "I won't lie to you and say she meant nothing to me. She was a very pleasant person to be around and she did many things for me that she had no reason to do when I needed help there. She made me consider having a different life there, a different future." He paused, hating to have to tell Loki all of this. "Even though I thought of those things, I knew, in the end, they were all just only thoughts. Because even though we were barely talking, even though we literally acted as if we despised one another, I still loved you, and I knew I still loved you. I knew I'd never really love anyone else."

Loki let his lips rest against his fingers, supporting his elbow against his knee as he listened. It wasn't especially pleasant, but at least it was the truth, which made Thor's ending statement all the more believable. It took what felt like a long time before he found himself able to speak, still staying in his brother's touch regardless. "...you thought you were going to have to write me out, didn't you?"

"You have to realize, Loki, at one point I thought I'd probably never go home again, I thought I'd probably never see you again, unless you had some reason to see me, which I figured you wouldn't. I was extremely lost for awhile there; I cared about almost nothing. And she was there for me .. so I tried to embrace that opportunity as a chance to move on. Not to forget about you, but to keep living. I could never ever write you out at all. Not even years ago when I was at some of my very lowest points, and thought I couldn't bear to even be around you. The thought of not being with you at all ever again .. that hurt even more." Thor looked away, anywhere but his brother's face. He owed it to Loki to say these things but he still had trouble admitting his own vulnerabilities to someone else, especially to his brother.

Although he was pretty sure he'd always feel some sort of jealousy towards that woman, Thor's absolute honesty was incredibly comforting to Loki if not slightly heartbreaking as well. He knew it couldn't be easy for his brother - they were both equally as stubborn, and he knew how much it was hard for him to share his own true thoughts as well, and so he was sure on some level he knew how Thor was feeling right now. Shifting slightly, Loki threaded his hands around to the other side of the blonde's face, pulling him closer and kissing his temple gently, unsure how else he could convey his own emotions in return.

Thor was a little surprised that Loki was taking it fairly well and moved so he could kiss his brother properly, wrapping his arms around the younger man. He was silent when he pulled away, just looking at Loki as an idea began to slowly come together in his mind. He gently cradled his brother's face in his hand. "Loki .. let's go away again sometime. To the same place you loved so much before."

Gasping slightly into the kiss, Loki tried to take in as much of that feel as he could before they pulled away from one another, further solidifying where Thor's loyalties lay in doing so. He felt his eyes widen at the suggestion, perhaps his heart picking up just faintly at the memories of that place, but he couldn't quite tell because he was too lost in the suggestion itself. "...yes," he agreed within a relieved sort of breath.

\--

Thor walked out onto the balcony where Àsleikr was, knowing already that Loki had finally had a discussion with him about Sif. "How'd things go with your mother?" he asked in a half-joking tone as he came up to stand by his son.

Widening his eyes and shaking his head with a laugh at the question, Àsleikr shrugged. "I...it went a little better than I realistically expected, but was far more awkward and stiff than I would have liked," he responded honestly with a single nod. "And I'm pretty sure he already knew, somehow. Does he know everything...?"

"Well, as much as he would like for you to believe that he knows everything in some mystical way, he just happened to see you two kissing recently." Thor sighed. "Really, he just cares about you very much, you know."

Àsleikr's mouth dropped open in complete mortification, temporarily disregarding his father's genuine sentiment at the end to wrap his head around the situation he'd completely missed somehow. "He _didn't_. He - ohhh, you're not kidding, are you? Damn, he must have been so angry." He then tacked on at the end with a shaky smile, "...and I know he does."

Thor leaned against the balcony railing as he returned a similar smile to his son. "I've seen him worse, believe me. Did he .. talk to Sif too, or just you?"

Another breathy laugh escaped and Àsleikr scratched the back of his neck. "Um...he talked at Sif on the odd occasion," he responded simply, knowing that Thor would understand exactly what he was talking about.

"Oh, I see." Thor murmured in reply. "Poor Sif." He paused for a moment, his voice slightly distant. "You know, I've been wanting to .. talk to you about something. I want to know what you think about an idea I've had ..."

Tilting his head confusedly, Àsleikr shifted to rest his elbows on the balcony, regarding his father carefully. It was rare to see Thor like this, not bad but he was so rarely nervous. "Sure, anything," he said in a light tone.

"I know it might seem a bit .. odd, but well, when has this family ever been normal?" Thor gave his son an amused smile before looking serious again. "What would you think if I .. if I asked Loki to marry me?"

Eyes widening and mouth half-dropping open and half smiling, Àsleikr let out a laugh of agreement. "Oh my - do you really think you're ready for that? Because if you are - I would just - that would be amazing. I mean, really, maybe then I'd finally be legitimate," he joked, trying to cover exactly how excited it made him to think of the prospect of his parents finally making that kind of commitment to one another if Loki went for it, especially now that it might actually be possible since the truth was out. Their family would actually come together after having been separate for too long.

Àsleikr's reaction was even better than Thor had been hoping for. "I'm not sure when I'm going to ask him .. I've just been thinking about it. Honestly I'm not quite sure what he'd say right now. I think he needs some more time .. which is okay. I don't mind waiting." His son was really the first person he'd told, so he was a bit relieved that the teenager's response was positive. It made him feel a little bit more confident about the idea and less like he was just kidding himself.

Nodding, Àsleikr reached to pat his father on the shoulder with a smile. "I think it'll be a brilliant idea when you're ready. And I believe in you both. You've made a lot of progress despite plenty of things making you...not want to," he said with a serious sort of breathy laugh.

"That's true enough," Thor agreed. "Thanks for your support though, Àsleikr. It does mean alot to me. And even more so that you're excited about it as well. Just .. for now, keep it to yourself. I don't want him to know, of course."

"Nope," Àsleikr joked. "I'm actually going to tell everyone. Absolutely the entirety of Asgard, just so it gets back to him before you get the chance," he gave his father a wink.

Thor shook his head. "I was telling you not to tell Sif, in a nice way. Just cause she's your _girlfriend_ doesn't mean you can tell her everything." He smirked back.

"Okay, honestly, that part actually is not fair," he said, pointing an accusatory finger, a slight blush on his cheeks. "You _know_ how impossible it is to keep things from Sif."

"I'll tell her soon enough." Thor shrugged, unrelenting.

"Well, good," Àsleikr said with a definitive nod. "Because she's going to know I'm hiding something and 'I promised I wouldn't tell' is only going to work for so long, as I'm sure you also know." He let out a snort. "Really, as awkward as it is to be dating your best friend, it's also incredibly useful."

"I will tell her soon, I don't want her to harass you too much." Thor laughed. "Just tell her that I'll talk to her soon, she might hold off for a little while. .. A very little while."

Àsleikr laughed and nodded. "Yeah, you're a good blockade but not for long." He stopped for a moment and smiled silently, amusedly, to himself, before nudging his father with his elbow and saying in a genuine tone, "Proud of you."

Looking down for a moment, Thor met his son's eyes with a sheepish look. "Thank you .. truly."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half-credit goes to my former roleplay partner.

**_Heavy In Your Arms_ **

_Chapter Eight_

Much as he had so many years prior, Loki took a moment to himself, dipping his feet in the water and leaning back on his hands, his eyes taking in the flow and letting it soothe him, giving him a sense of serenity that he'd still been lacking even after all of his healing. He knew he still had things to work through but fortunately he'd gotten far enough that he trusted Thor to be at his side again through it, and he had to admit, this trip had been quite a lovely idea just as it had been last time.

Watching his brother from a short distance, Thor tried to calm himself down. Loki knew him well enough to usually tell when he was nervous and he didn't want to ruin this. So far the entire trip had been pretty smooth and the younger man seemed to be enjoying himself. Finally managing to achieve some semblance of calm, he approached where Loki was sitting slowly. He took a seat facing his brother at the water's edge, much as he had many years before.

Loki was far from surprised to feel Thor sit next to him, and actually had wondered what had taken him so long. He turned to the blonde with a small smile, kicking his feet enough for a few drops of water to land on the older brother, letting out a good-natured laugh as he did so.

Thor laughed along with Loki, putting up his hand to block the water splashed towards him. "Hey, I don't want to go swimming." He placed a hand gently on his brother's leg. "I knew it'd be a good idea to come here again." The last part he murmured softly, biding his time while he went over everything he wanted to say again.

"You were right," Loki said, leaning his head against the shoulder of the arm that was gingerly touching his leg. "Amazing how you've been right so often lately - it's really throwing me off, I hope you know..."

Letting out another soft laugh at that, Thor didn't add anything. He took his brother's hand in his own and hoped the younger man couldn't feel how nervous he felt. He didn't want to keep putting it off though. "Loki." he said his brother's name quietly but with much emotion in the tone, wanting the younger man to look at him.

Realizing there was some serious purpose for why Thor was next to him, Loki shifted to not only look at the older brother but also face him. His eyes widened with questioning, squeezing the hand holding his own, but otherwise didn't say anything, sensing that now was not the time for overwhelming Thor with words or questions.

"We've been through many things together, brother," Thor started affectionately, holding Loki's hand tightly. "The worst of it fairly recently .. but we're still here together, somehow. I suppose you could call it some ridiculous thing like fate or destiny; but I think it's because of us. We accomplished that. And even when we're having some crazy fight .. I'm still thankful to have you back." he paused, swallowing hard and holding his brother's face now. "I'm lost without you, Loki, believe it or not. I really am. And I can't imagine my life without you in it anymore. I love you and I always will love you." He took out the small box he'd been hiding and willed his hands not to shake at all. He pressed it gently into his brother's hands, and looked back into his green eyes. "Will you marry me, Loki?"

Feeling his breath leave him in a mere moment, his heart picking up intensely at Thor's words, Loki gingerly opened the box and gasped when he saw the ring inside, covering his mouth with his free hand as his eyes widened even further. He hadn't even remotely been expecting this - Thor surprising him was certainly a new development - and it was still taking time for the question to even be processed in his mind. The moment everything truthfully clicked, however, he immediately found himself with his arms around Thor's neck, embracing him tightly, the box still hanging loosely from his hands, and he whispered into the older man's ear, "Of course I will, you idiot."

Wrapping his own arms around Loki, he laughed softly, it mixed in with a sigh of relief. How typical for his brother to answer like that, but he wouldn't be him if he hadn't. He took Loki's face in his hands again when they stopped embracing and kissed him gently. "Thank you," he finally said, when he pulled away, still close to his brother's lips. Taking the box from the younger man, he slipped the small silver ring onto Loki's finger. It fit perfectly.

Humming a sort of laughter into the kiss, Loki watched after they broke to see Thor slide the ring on his finger. He smiled slightly, trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy although he knew his eyes were probably beaming as he admired it, flicking his thumb beneath his ring finger so he could see the way it caught the sunlight at different angles. "It's lovely," he breathed.

Loki's eyes gave him away as he looked at the ring. Thor literally couldn't remember quite the last time he'd seen his brother that happy. "Already planning the wedding in your mind?" he teased, keeping his arms around the younger man.

"No pressure, of course," Loki joked in return, leaning in for a soft, chaste kiss. When they pulled away, he continued, "And there's no harm in planning. Although moreover, we should be planning how we're going to tell Father. I say this primarily so Heimdall doesn't call on us, assuming we're going to wed in secret."

"Ah, that's true." Thor murmured, thinking about it. "Though I would assume Father wouldn't have any objections by this point. And as for Heimdall .. it would be rather awkward if he just showed up right now .. wouldn't it?" He again covered his brother's lips with his own.

Nodding in agreement to Thor's statement, Loki laughed as those lips found his once again, his fingers teasing Thor's jawline as they kissed, and he found himself almost instinctively lying back against the soft grass, pulling his brother - and he supposed his fiancé, now, on top of him.

Thor kissed Loki back and paused just a moment to take in how his brother looked under him in the grass before kissing down the younger man's neck slowly. He twisted his fingers in his brother's hair as his teeth just scraped slightly across the curve of Loki's neck. He didn't bite down but instead licked the small scratches softly.

Loki squirmed beneath Thor in a pleased way, a small breathy laugh escaping his lips and he shifted to expose more of his neck for the blonde, enjoying the feeling of that tongue against the teeth scratches on his neck. He gave the other man an encouraging hum, his hands flexing and releasing against Thor's sides.

After kissing across his brother's collarbone, Thor removed Loki's top, still taking his time. He let his fingers brush lightly along the younger man's skin. Once it was completely out of the way, he kissed down Loki's chest, still teasing with his fingertips.

Purring darkly as those lips made their way down his chest, Loki arched into the kisses and the touch of those fingertips against his bare skin. "Mmm, so you're allowing it this time..." he teased in a dark tone, thick with lust.

"You didn't get to last time, so I thought, why not?" Thor murmured in reply. His fingers reached the edge of his brother's pants and he pushed them down just enough to leave more teasing kisses on Loki's skin.

Shifting beneath Thor slightly with a breathy and husky chuckle, Loki slid his knees up further knowing it'd eventually help his brother remove the rest of his clothing, continuing the lusty banter, "And I suppose it helps somewhat that I actually have a figure now."

"Not that I don't like your figure," Thor said as he ran his hands over the thin curves of Loki's body. "But I was only worried about hurting you. You always look attractive to me." He gave his brother a small smirk before pulling off the remaining clothing in his way. He slid his hands down Loki's legs slowly.

"If I didn't know you were a terrible liar, I'd probably think that was one," Loki said with a shaky breath, just slightly raising whichever parts of his legs were being touched by Thor, trying to get to his brother as much as the blonde was getting to him, "alas, I'm just touched," he murmured attractively.

Thor pushed apart his brother's legs a little more and kissed down the inside of one. With very little warning, he took Loki into his mouth, stroking teasingly with his fingers as well. He needed to hear the younger man more and he knew it would probably be impossible for him to hold back now.

Loki let out a shuddery moan absolutely without abandon, his hands threading through Thor's hair and gripping tightly, breath picking up already as his heartbeat quickened just as fast, the sudden pleasure almost too much but was certainly not something he was complaining about even remotely.

The combination of the sounds Loki made and the tight pull on his hair almost made Thor shudder himself. He used his tongue to tease his brother even more, despite knowing he couldn't push the younger man too far.

"Ah- _ahh_ \- " Loki couldn't stop the moans from falling off of his lips, his toes curling in the grass beneath them, knowing that Thor was trying to get him just close enough but wouldn't dare drive him all the way like this, which was so gorgeously torturous the thought of it turned him on even further.

Finally stopping, Thor pulled away, licking his lips. He pressed his fingers gently into his brother's mouth, taking the opportunity to whisper to Loki. "You must be so impatient right now." He nipped gently at the younger man's ear.

Taking Thor's fingers gladly into his mouth, Loki felt his entire frame shudder at the heated words and the nip to his ear, because it definitely was true, and he confirmed it by moaning against the fingers, hoping to bring Thor to an equally desperate state with as little action as needed.

Thor tried desperately not to tremble at the sound of Loki's voice. He was being rather vocal far more sooner than usual. As soon as he was sure his fingers were slick enough, he withdrew his hand and quickly slid it between his brother's legs. He pushed the first finger in gently, but a little quickly, not very surprised when the younger man's body didn't resist him much.

Letting out a small moan as Thor removed his fingers with the sole purpose of getting to his fiancé, Loki let his head fall back as that first finger found its way inside of him, fighting back a smirk at how little preparation he needed these days.

Pressing in the second finger and easily sometime after, the third, Thor tried not to visibly show what Loki was doing to him simply by moaning. He was completely positive his brother was teasing him in much the same way he had earlier. Moving the younger man's legs again, he shifted to begin pushing into Loki, only moving in partway although his brother's body was easily accepting him in.

Feeling his frame shake as Thor slid only partially in, Loki felt his hands clench and unclench in the grass, trying to move himself further over his brother and failing as he breathed out in a tortured tone, "Oh, I hate you sometimes..."

Pressing all the way in, Thor remained still and kissed Loki, trying swallow back the soft groan that threatened to escape his lips at simply being inside his brother. "You won't hate me soon," Thor replied in a murmur when he could and repeating his original motion, slid easily into a steady pace.

As those motions began repeating themselves into a pace, Loki felt himself gasping just as steadily, shaking the hair out of his face which was already threatening to stick with a thin layer of sweat, but certainly he would not give Thor the satisfaction of actually _saying_ that he was right about being quickly forgiven.

Thor tangled his fingers in Loki's hair as he moved, trying to catch the small gasps his brother was making now. "Mm, you were being so loud before, Loki .." his own words were close to breathless, the quicker motions already beginning to take a toll on him as well.

Loki bit at his brother's lower lip, heated breaths combining for a mere moment before he caught those lips with his own again, moaning at the pace, not because Thor prodded him to, no, that definitely was not the case. The movement was getting to him and he knew it, especially as he began to rock his own hips into the quick thrusts.

Feeling Loki move with him and the bite on his lip forced Thor to moan against his brother's mouth himself. His grip in the younger man's hair tightened more and he kissed Loki back roughly.

" _Ahh-hn_!" Loki moaned heavily and shakily into his brother's lips, feeling the movements hit that familiar bundle of pleasure nerves inside him, keeping the kiss rough despite how loudly he was moaning into it, his nails digging into the fabric clinging to his fiancé's back.

Thor tried not to shudder at the way his brother sounded and failed, trembling against Loki as they still moved in time with each other. He took in a sharp breath, knowing neither of them was going to last too much longer.

"Yes, yes..." the younger practically pleaded as they moved desperately together, still gasping against those lips, even harder when he felt Thor shudder against him. Loki rolled his frame into his brother's, for a brief moment completely intensifying the feeling of their pace as well, another moan falling from his tongue and onto Thor's.

"Ah-ah, Loki--" Thor gasped out almost involuntarily when he pulled away for air. Quickly he pressed his lips against his brother's again, the younger man's voice almost making him come undone already. He made his thrusts shorter, pushing into Loki hard.

Letting even harder and shakier moans pass through their kiss, Loki felt his body begin to shake with the need for release, growing exponentially with each hard and deliberate thrust inside of him, his moans turning into quick gasps that also grew with the pace and the closer he got, mere moments away from the edge.

Although he was barely able to manage it, Thor managed to slide a trembling hand between them to stroke his brother a few last times, knowing he was so close. He was only just hanging on himself; the way Loki moved under him almost too much.

When Thor touched him, Loki was certain that even if he'd wanted to hold on, he definitely couldn't, and he came with a shuddery cry, breathing heavily and jaggedly in his aftermath but still trying to hold on for the moments his brother needed to finish.

After Loki cried out, Thor stopped holding himself back as well and came too, pressing into his brother a few more times. He pulled away from the younger man only a moment, somehow forcing his shaking fingers to pull off the shirt that was sticking to his skin now. Throwing it aside, he moved to lie by Loki slowly, putting an arm around his brother and giving him a short but tired kiss.

Gingerly and tiredly, Loki danced his fingers down Thor's cheek as the older brother kissed him shortly, reveling in the feeling of the bare skin pressed close to his own finally, his own breath and heartbeat still trying to come down from the high.

Thor caught Loki's hand with his own and entwined their fingers, turning their hands over to look at his brother's ring. He was silent before he gave the younger man a gentle smile, turning his eyes back to Loki's. "I love you." he said softly.

Smiling as he finally managed to catch his breath and trust his voice again, Loki flicked his gaze to the ring and back to Thor's emotional eyes. "I love you, too," he responded in a rare moment of gentleness, squeezing the fingers entwined with his own.

Feeling his chest tighten in a pleasant way, Thor pressed his lips to Loki's again, unable to say anything more and too afraid of what his voice would sound like if he had tried.

\--

Àsleikr paced, knowing his parents were both going to be back today and having known the purpose of the trip thanks to his father (although not particularly dwelling on it too much), he couldn't help being just as nervous as he assumed Thor was. Sif had been a huge help, of course, especially reminding him of how awful Thor and Loki were at staying away from each other even when they had their utmost hate faces on, which hadn't lasted very long in the first place. Among other things.

Thor entered the empty room looking for Àsleikr, a fairly content look on his face. "There you are, I've been looking for you since we returned." He could tell his son was a bit impatient for the news and although part of him wanted to tease the teenager and not tell him right away, he couldn't do it. "He said yes." he finished rather simply, unable to find any other words for it.

Eyes lighting up and mouth dropping almost immediately, Àsleikr gave a momentary unmanly flail before composing himself. "Did he really?" he asked in a voice that couldn't contain his excitement, before blurting out, "Congratulations!"

"Yes, he did," Thor reaffirmed as he took a seat near where his son was standing. "And .. thank you." Inwardly he wasn't much calmer than Àsleikr about everything either. It still thrilled him a bit as well that Loki had said yes. He had been so focused on how to ask his brother that he hadn't realized just how happy it would make him as well.

Smiling, Àsleikr patted his father on the shoulder approvingly although he was too antsy at the moment to sit down next to Thor. It felt like a few pieces of the puzzle of his life were coming together with this, but before he could really dwell, on it, the doors opened and Loki stepped through, moving as elegantly as ever. "So I heard someone said yes to the blonde, here," Àsleikr teased from across the room.

"Oh, is that what he told you?" Loki responded as he approached his boys, leaning down to kiss Thor's cheek and gently squeezing his chin as he continued, "Not my exact words, but you know how your father loves to paraphrase."

Thor mock-glared up at Loki, but smiled at him in an amused way. "His version of yes included calling me an idiot. Happy now?" He debated on his next action but was in too good of a mood to decide against it. Reaching up and taking his brother by the waist, the blonde pulled Loki to sit down next to him on the sofa.

Àsleikr snorted and smiled before saying, "You would," just as Loki fell next to Thor on the sofa with a soft 'ouf!' sound. He returned the mock-glare and pretended to slap his fiancé before returning his gaze to his son, subconsciously nestling himself against his brother.

"Would I be me if I didn't? Really, now, Àsleikr, you know me better than that by now."

Laughing, Thor kept his arm around his brother. "Oh, yes, he insults people because it shows he cares."

"Not like you mind, I still agreed to marry you anyway," Loki reminded him matter-of-factly. Àsleikr then interrupted whatever thought process was going on by saying, "Alright, I'm ecstatic for you two but please anything that you're about to suggest can stay far away from my mental processes, please."

"You know, Loki did say something about that one time .." Thor teased, not even needing to make anything up. He tried to contain his laughter but failed miserably at it as he looked at his brother to see if he recalled it as well.

Immediately, Loki covered his face with his hands, pretending it to be in embarrassment but really was instead to hide his laughter, recalling the instance vividly, "No, no, this is not something I need to discuss with my son present, making the disturbed faces I _know_ he's making at us right now."

"Oh, but it so was amusing," Thor protested but again laughed when he looked over at Àsleikr's face. It did indeed have an interesting expression. "Alright, I'll drop it." He conceded, although he was still smirking.

"Thank you," Àsleikr squeaked, closing his eyes and shaking it off of him before returning to normal. "Okay, I think I'm good now."

\--

Thor finally found his brother in the room the wedding ceremony was going to take place in and he looked rather distracted. He came up from behind Loki and hugged him tightly, regardless of the fact he knew that would probably annoy the younger man. "You've been working too hard." he murmured, holding onto his brother.

Loki had been so lost in thought that he actually gasped when he felt Thor hug him from behind, giving the hands around him a slap despite leaning into the embrace anyway. "I won't have to plan any of this if you continue scaring me to death."

Laughing, Thor leaned down to kiss his brother gently on the cheek. "Oh, you liked it. And really, you have been. You've worried over every detail since we started planning this."

"You've known me for how long and you expected me to not obsess over every detail of my own wedding?" Loki asked with a small smile, still a little bit unable to believe this was happening and it wasn't even some huge secret.

"I'm not surprised at all, dear brother. Quite the opposite. That doesn't mean I can't worry about you myself." Thor gave Loki another tight hug before finally letting him go, but kept an arm around his back. "Would you at least let me help or are you too convinced I won't do anything right?"

Letting himself relax with the arm still wrapped around him, Loki managed a shrug and looked up at Thor, "It's impossible to say, really...cause if you do mess something up then that means double the work for me," he teased.

Shaking his head, Thor gave his brother a sheepish smile. "I'm only trying to help. On the other hand, you have been doing pretty well on your own."

"He says so soon after telling me I'm working too hard," Loki said with a soft groan just thinking of all the things ahead of him that had to be absolutely perfect. He turned to drape his arms around his brother's neck, pressing close and murmuring, "And I've barely begun work on the reception, which of course is supposed to house practically the entirety of Asgard." He knew that was a gross exaggeration but it certainly felt like it.

Thor wrapped his own arms around Loki and kissed the top of his head. "It will all come together in time, I know it. And I was just teasing, if there's anything I can do, then just ask me. It's my wedding too, you know."

"Oh, yeah, that's right," Loki said in an attempt to sound like a joke but some part of him felt like he really had forgotten that maybe Thor would even want a say. "Speaking of which, if there's anything you're dying to have, tell me now so I don't forget," he continued in a tired voice, still holding onto his fiancé.

"It's okay," Thor began, leaning down to kiss Loki softly. "I already have him."

Loki let out a slight chuckle into the kiss, shaking a finger at Thor as they pulled away, "Not fair. You don't get to be all nice and charming and making me want to marry you or something."

"Didn't you already though?" Thor teased in reply. He sighed afterwards though. "I can only distract you for so long before you actually get mad at me for it, I suppose. But seriously, remember to rest at some point. There's still time left before the wedding."

"Not enough time," Loki breathed, trying to seem realistic about the whole thing although he knew he was obsessing. Still, it didn't seem like there'd ever be a balance where they were both realistic. Perhaps it was what made them work when they met in the middle. "But I'll try, if only because I know you'll legitimately force me into bed if I don't."

"Mm, dragging you off to bed doesn't sound like quite a bad idea." Thor took a look at Loki's expression and smiled weakly at him. "Yes, I know. Not now."

"You're damn right not now," Loki said and batted Thor's face slightly. "In fact, I was kind of thinking we should cut back on that anyway," he continued, trying his hardest not to smirk as he anticipated the look on his fiancé's face. "To make the wedding night more special and all." He had no idea how he managed to keep a serious face and not bite his tongue with evil, devilish glee as he said this, but somehow it happened.

Thor looked at his brother blankly for a moment before his own lips curved into a smirk. "It will definitely be _special_ if you make us wait that long." He pressed his lips to Loki's and kissed him deeply before letting him go. " _If_ you can wait that long anyway."

"I've managed through droughts before," Loki said with a smirk, although his reserve wasn't entirely fantastic after a deep kiss such as that one. "Plus I'll be so busy preoccupying my time with invitations and...oh, damn, invitations."

"So have I," Thor murmured in reply, but shook his head. "I'll let you get back to work then." He kissed Loki again, gently this time, before leaving.

\--

Loki traipsed into Thor's room victoriously, trying to ignore the flame that lit inside of him when he saw his brother on the bed dressed in minimal clothing, clearly still coming down from the high of training. He managed, somehow, and continued on as he approached the bedframe himself, "I'm pleased to announce the planning and general hair-pulling stages are officially over with. Now all we have to do is pray that everything will _get here_ in time."

Sitting up to talk to Loki better, Thor managed to catch the thinly veiled look in his brother's eyes that quickly sent warmth flooding through his veins, but luckily, he had managed to recently learn to somewhat control his urges. He was more than just attempting to keep his word to the younger man, although it was harder than he thought. He re-focused on what his brother was saying. "I'm sure everything will be fine," he said soothingly. "For now, just be glad you can relax a little."

"Oh, I am incredibly glad," Loki agreed, plopping down on the foot of the bed, somewhat trying to keep his distance - it was much easier to be near his fiancé during this time when he was clothed, which he barely was at the moment, damn him. "Finally, some mental peace. I think Àsleikr has been unhealthily worried about me, so finally some rest for him as well," the younger brother finished with a chuckle.

"He wasn't the only one," Thor replied, giving him a small smile. "You never did ask me for any help. But I suppose that's typical of you." He hesitated and patted Loki gently on the leg before withdrawing his hand.

Tensing slightly at even the most brotherly of touches, Loki tried to keep his point despite knowing Thor was right, "I definitely asked you if there was anything you wanted me to add. Doesn't that count?"

"Not really." Thor said, flatly. "You asked if I wanted anything, you didn't ask me to help with it." He crossed his arms, avoiding looking at Loki directly again. He couldn't keep this up for very long if he kept seeing that wanting look in his brother's eyes.

"Well, you didn't say you wanted to help," Loki pointedly twisted Thor's words just to be right, his heart picking up slightly as the blonde avoided looking at him, knowing their close proximity was getting to him as well, the tension rising.

"I said I _would_ help but you never said you .. needed it." Unintentionally, Thor's gaze fell on his brother as he spoke. They were both silent as they looked at each other. "Loki .." he breathed out, part of him wondering why they thought this would be a good idea in the first place.

Nodding curtly although his eyes quickly locked on Thor's, Loki breathed out in a husky tone, "I know..." it had been so long for them both, and they'd certainly teased each other in public, but they'd never been this close, this tense, this alone with Thor where the opportunity presented itself despite mental barriers.

It was almost too easy for Thor to move over just enough so he could press his lips to his brother's, unable to resist any longer. He knew Loki would most likely be mad at him for it .. if not now, then later .. but he didn't quite care at the moment.

Loki gasped as those lips found his own, his hands almost automatically moving to gingerly and curiously trace every line of Thor's torso, having missed the feeling beneath his fingers, kissing back with just as much fervor and he was so angry and so relieved all at once.

Thor could almost literally feel his brother's emotions in their rough kisses. Loki was not happy with him, but still the younger man was also the one touching him. He made a soft noise against Loki's mouth at the feeling of his brother's fingers moving across his skin for the first time in awhile.

Feeling the rough kisses beginning to get out of hand, especially since Loki's hands just could not keep still against Thor's skin, he pulled away just enough to still feel their lips barely touching, breathing out in a miffed but lusty voice, "Why did you have to be half-naked?"

"Why do you have to look at me like that?" Thor murmured in reply, stealing another kiss from his brother. The hungry look in Loki's eyes remained there, sending flames through the blonde again. His hands trembled with the want to pull the younger man against him.

Connecting their lips once again with a small moan, Loki could practically feel them shaking with want to be closer, and he slid his exploring hands around Thor's neck, pulling the older brother against him and oh, that was a huge mistake, why did he do that?

Holding his brother close, Thor moaned in frustration through the rough kisses they were sharing again. How could Loki expect him to want to stop when he was teasing him like this? He pulled at the fabric of the younger man's clothes, torn between wanting to keep going and knowing he shouldn't. "You-- have to .. leave," he finally forced himself to say, even though he made no move to push his brother away; the feeling of Loki's body against his again felt too good.

"I know," Loki gasped but still didn't pulled away from Thor's lips, "I know I...ah..." his shaking fingers momentarily threaded in his brother's hair, trying to make himself stop but it was just failing miserably the more he felt that breath on his face and those lips on his own.

Thor kissed down Loki's neck and started to take his brother's top off but he somehow managed to stop. Reluctantly he pulled the younger man away from him, his breath incredibly uneven but he smirked at Loki anyway. "This .. was your idea -- And you insisted you .. could get through this and -- I couldn't," he teased as he caught his breath, fairly sure that might distract his brother long enough.

Still feeling the effects of those kisses on his neck long after they were gone, Loki forced himself to get shaken out of this trance, although the lusty glaze was still clearly over his eyes. "I can," he said purposefully, adding a 'psh' at the end. "I definitely can. Plus, we can't do this anyway, I'm not on the infertility mixture anymore to ensure nothing happens before the wedding night - and I'm starting to hate myself a little bit, but that's completely fine because I can handle you being shirtless and not need anything from it. No."

Laughing, Thor intentionally avoided his brother's eyes again. "You're a bit adorable when you ramble, brother." He leaned in just far enough to pull Loki forward and kiss him deeply, breathing out heavily against his lips when they both pulled away. Then, he moved as far from him on the bed as possible. He tried to will his hands to stop trembling, but they refused to listen. "You are right though. Can you imagine what would happen if we had another child? ... or more like, I can't imagine what you'd do to me." The blonde smiled weakly.

Letting out a whimper of disappointment when Thor pulled away, Loki clenched and unclenched his hands a few times before righting himself as well, finding it easier to not fall back into the temptation with the change of subject. "Oh, I would definitely kill you," he said with a nervous laugh, "I may have been completely out of it when I had Àsleikr but I do believe I said the words 'never again' somewhere in there."

"Oh I was very much not out of it for that, and you did say those exact words. And I don't doubt that you would kill me." Thor replied, managing to make his voice fairly calm. Though he did wonder what his brother's nervous laugh was for. "What would you do if we did have another child?" he questioned suddenly. "I mean, apart from killing me, of course."

Loki's face took on a slightly confused expression, blinking a few times as he tried to even process the question. "...I don't know, really. I never exactly gave it any thought." He tucked a lock of hair behind his ear as he thought about it. "What brought this on?"

Thor shrugged, crossing his arms. "Just an impulsive thought. That's usually what people do when they get married anyway, right?" He laughed again, trying to make it light but his tone sounded nervous even to himself.

"Usually, but we sort of did everything backwards," Loki said in the same light tone with a hint of unsure nervousness in it. "You know, the whole having sex when we still thought we were blood related and then having a baby that we didn't know was physically possible. It could happen to anyone."

"We did do everything backwards," Thor replied, wanting to drop the subject by this point. He usually wasn't too bad at figuring at what Loki was thinking but he was completely drawing a blank then. He didn't even quite know how he felt about it either so it wasn't really like he had a point to make. He personally wouldn't mind having another child with his brother but .. he also didn't want to see Loki in that much pain again.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Loki felt he should probably answer the question rather than let it fade into the darkness, where it could just fester and become incredibly confusing. "Honestly, I feel the thing that would hold me back the most isn't necessarily the pain, although don't get me wrong, that is a factor, but rather - everything I went through to get where I am with Àsleikr now, I would be a little nervous about jeopardizing it. Although...at least I know I wouldn't have to go through the same madness again, so it's not like it would be the most terrifying thing in the Nine Realms." Quickly, he added, "Hypothetically. Obviously."

"Right," Thor agreed immediately. "I understand. It was just .. a thought." Although he knew the idea would be on his mind for awhile he tried to push it away temporarily. He gave Loki a small smile. "You should leave before I try to kiss you again."

"I'm not sure if it'll help or hurt to let you know that I want you to do so," Loki only half-teased. Noticing the slight distance in Thor's eyes, he leaned forward and gave him a quick, yet gentle kiss, before forcing himself to at least get off the bed. "I assume I'll be seeing you later?"

"Of course. And, oh, I know you do." Thor teased in return, sitting back again. He watched Loki head towards the door.

As Loki got to the door, he stopped for a moment, leaning on the frame, realizing just how close the wedding was getting. He'd been told by many that he'd maybe experience cold feet, and that was normal, and honestly he'd expected it more especially due to their recent past - but he found he felt nothing of nervousness or doubts, and in fact became more at ease with each passing day. He turned back to face Thor and simply put a hand over his own heart, giving him a small but altogether very genuine smile.

\--

Entering the empty room where he saw Sif sitting, Thor sat across from her and immediately put his head down on the table. "Hi." he finally greeted her, his voice muffled slightly.

Immediately stopping her drinking and raising an eyebrow, Sif managed a confused, "Hi, yourself," before she set her goblet down on the table and poked Thor's head. "Alright, I'm going to ask you what's wrong, and you're going to tell me because you can't say 'nothing' when the first thing you did was slam your head on the table."

"I did not slam it," Thor protested before looking up at her. "And if you want to know, Loki got this _wonderful_ idea that we shouldn't sleep together until after the wedding." He crossed his arms and rested them on the table, looking annoyed. "It's a bit late for that idea."

Sif felt her hand fly to her mouth as if fighting the urge to laugh, a small snort still escaping and giving away her amusement. Oh, sometimes Loki was so brilliantly funny - often without even trying. Finally she couldn't help it and just broke into full out laughter.

Thor rolled his eyes. "I'm glad this is amusing to you. Truly." He'd probably think it was hilarious too but by this point he was too frustrated to find it funny. He put his head back on the table, making his voice muffled again. "At least someone's enjoying themselves."

"Oh, I am," Sif said before taking another drink. "And what made him come to this decision, anyway? Does he just want to ensure not randomly getting bored with you on the honeymoon? Or is he afraid Yggdrasil's metaphorical branches will be able to magically smell that he's not a virgin?" She was having way too much fun with this and she knew it, but there was no way this could be turned to stop amusing her.

"He wants it to be special." Thor grumbled. "Oh. It will be special I'm sure. If we even make it that long. I'm starting to doubt it. I wouldn't mind so much if we didn't .. but I think Loki would. You know. Afterwards." He chuckled, finally finding some amusement in the situation.

"That's...weirdly sweet of him, actually," Sif observed, her eyes narrowing in curiosity. "It's weird for me to think of him as acting sweet - although I suppose you are the grand exception to that rule. And Àsleikr, of course. Kid can get away with almost anything."

"I'm almost positive Àsleikr could do something like burn down an entire building, by accident of course, and Loki'd rip apart anyone who tried to blame him." Thor looked up now, resting his chin against his arms. "I like that about him though." He wasn't even very aware of the look on his face and the small smile he made then.

Eyes softening at her best friend's goofy position and the small smile on his face at his words, Sif couldn't help letting a soft 'awh' pass her lips. "...you're really ready for this, aren't you?" She asked genuinely.

"After all that's happened, yes, I'd like to believe so." Thor sat up finally, looking at her seriously now. Not that anyone knew, but a good part of the reason he was sick of being apart from his brother was waking up alone. Occasionally, for a moment, he would think he was in the past again and everything that happened was merely something he'd dreamt; wishful thinking. It was only until he was fully awake that he could breathe properly again.

Leaning across the table to tuck a small lock of hair behind her best friend's hair, tilting Thor's chin up to look at her, Sif continued in her same tone, "I know things haven't been easy for the two of you, but I can tell you need each other. And I'm happy you've both finally accepted that. I...I envy that, in a way."

Thor smiled at her. "Thank you, Sif." he paused for a moment. "Are you .. okay?" He knew she might not tell him what she meant by that but he had to at least try to ask her about it.

Blinking a few times as if surprised by the question, Sif slowly pulled her hand away from Thor's chin and waved it dismissively with a smile. "Of course I am, you worrywart," she assured, finishing the last of her drink.

"Mmhm." Thor said, his voice sarcastic. He went to back to laying his head on the table. "I hope you're not having any trouble with my son." He attempted to sound intensely serious, although he was really just teasing Sif.

Feeling a smile break out on her face, knowing what Thor was doing, Sif shook her head and traced the rim of her goblet. "No, of course not. He's wonderful. I'm just...re-evaluating myself, I suppose? And I've always believed you needed to have some separation from someone to really know if you need or deserve them, and honestly I don't want to test myself that way. I mean, I've been spending practically every night -" catching herself when she remembered that she wasn't just having a best friend conversation and that the object of said romance was still Thor's son, she instead gave a nervous laugh and attempted a weak, "...just kidding!"

Thor finally looked up, intending to tease Sif a bit more but couldn't at the horribly nervous look on her face. He ended up laughing at her. "Sif, please, we're not children." he shook his head. "Do you really think I think you two sit around holding hands in your spare time? I mean not that I dwell on the subject .. and Loki probably pretends that's what happens because he can't think any other way .. regardless. I do know."

"Well, no, but still!" Sif protested with an embarrassed laugh of her own, hiding her face in her hands although some part of her was genuinely amused especially at Thor's explanation. "It's not something I want to throw around in conversation with you because it's awkward. I mean, I must sound like such a troll, sneaking in to your son's room."

"Of course it's awkward, but he's still your boyfriend. You're saying that like I don't sneak into Loki's room. ... Or did sneak into Loki's room anyway." Thor looked annoyed again for a second. "In all seriousness though, I don't think you have anything to doubt with Àsleikr. I know he's my son and I'm biased and all, but truly, you're a good pair."

"Thank you," Sif said with a slight blush on her cheeks, finally having come out of her hiding place that was her hands. "And, also, for your little drought problem - maybe think of it like...you no longer have to sneak into Loki's room in preparation for eventually not having separate rooms at all?" She squinted her eyes for a moment before saying, "Oh, wait, that might actually make things worse. ...I love you?"

"... do you think he'd kill me or only maim me if I asked him to move the wedding up to tomorrow?" Thor asked, almost only half-joking.

"You might kill his poor over-stressed heart, although if Loki's just as frustrated as you, he might actually go for it. Your father, however, would probably flog you both for the suggestion - he has to make sure it's compatible with the other citizens of Asgard attending, after all," Sif reminded the half of Thor that certainly wasn't joking, still far too amused by this.

"I know .. I know." Thor smiled slightly. "I'm sure he is at any rate though. I had to practically pull him off of me the one day. Of course if he did that now, there's no way in any of the nine realms I'm going to stop him."

"I swear, if you two even make it to your wedding day, I will not be surprised if you completely skip your own reception and head straight for the wedding night," Sif laughed.

"Well, if we don't show up, then you know where we are." Thor agreed, laughing as well. Talking to Sif didn't quite make him feel better about the situation but it did allow him to laugh at it.

"I'll be sure to announce it to everyone," she joked, faking a flourish with her hand before pressing her fist to the table and forcing an overdramatic tone as she addressed Thor, "be strong, my dearest friend. Be strong." Sif then stood and reached over to pat Thor's head. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a _not-drought_ that I need to tend to," she smirked and waved at the blonde.


End file.
